changes in my life

[chiefsfan]

I'm getting married very soon to the woman of my dreams.It is time for us to get closer to god where we need to be.I need to be in position to lead me and my wife to be to the ways of the lord.I owe my life to god.I would love to establish christian friendships.I do have to admit I'm new to this.I'm doing the very best I can and educate myself more about god,any help is appreciated.Thanks

 

[PouringRain]

Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Have you and your future wife gone through any christian pre-marital counseling yet? I am a huge fan of that and there are some really, really good ones out there these days. There are also some excellent books you can read together and go through together.

 

[sherri2]

PS. Don't think you have to be the spiritual head of the relationship just through being a better christian then your wife. You hear that preached in churchs (alluded to) and its a myth. People have their own walk with God, and God doesn't expect the man to always be a better christian then his wife just because he's the head of the relationship.

It's not realistic.

Just thought I'd add that because it's a dangerous misunderstanding, God treats everyone according to the same standards and everyones got their own, individual walk with him. Trying to fulfill this can lead to you spiritually repressing your wife to stay ahead. It happens, believe me. The last thing you ever want to do is to fall into the trap of trying to spiritually lord it over her.

All the best with it. Those who seek, find. All you need is your heart, God responds to us through that.

 

[Strangelove]

I'm getting married very soon to the woman of my dreams.It is time for us to get closer to god where we need to be.I need to be in position to lead me and my wife to be to the ways of the lord.I owe my life to god.I would love to establish christian friendships.I do have to admit I'm new to this.I'm doing the very best I can and educate myself more about god,any help is appreciated.Thanks

Hi Chiefs....welcome to the forums.......well first thing I would advise you with is to try and give God a capital G....He is after all, our heavenly Father. Just a thought.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Have you and your future wife gone through any christian pre-marital counseling yet? I am a huge fan of that and there are some really, really good ones out there these days. There are also some excellent books you can read together and go through together.

That sounds like a terrible plan. sorry pouringrain but.....christian pre-marital counseling?? Counselling before you even get going?

My advise would be, both of you read the Gospels. Take your own individual walk with regard to confessing Christ as the Son of God and your personal Saviour. Be certain in your own faith.

Chat with eachother about it. Fellowship together. Be comfortable with eachother in Christ.

The only thing left is to stay grounded in the basic principles of Christianity. The most important of which is Justification By FAITH alone...completely seperate from works. Good fruit will come from the both of you by loving God and eachother and others.

Love your wife my friend. Love her ALWAYS and you will see what happens.

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
​

5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that
loveth his wife loveth himself.​

Blessings...

Doc.

 

[countrygirl]

congrats! on your upcoming marriage. i agree with adding a big g to God :yes
but i also think counseling is not a bad thing. lots of people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. i think Christian counseling is a good way to start out.

and i commend you on your desire to be the leader in your relationship! while yes lots of women are further in their walk than their men, the man is still called to be the head. and it is a role full of responsibility. while i have an awesome hubby, i would really love for him to take charge of our spiritual learning/ways. just remember that women also have wonderful insight!

oh! and dont leave out the fun and romance even if you both live to be 100! a woman ALWAYS loves a lil flower, or a phone call or email just to say i love you and am thinking bout you!

 

[Mike]

Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Have you and your future wife gone through any christian pre-marital counseling yet? I am a huge fan of that and there are some really, really good ones out there these days. There are also some excellent books you can read together and go through together.

That sounds like a terrible plan. sorry pouringrain but.....christian pre-marital counseling?? Counselling before you even get going?

SL, what kind of problem do you have with people seeking advice and counseling before they get married? Many people rightly do this in order to prepare for the challenges that come with the commitment. The first year of marriage is often reflected upon as the most difficult, and too many fall apart because it was not as they had anticipated. By being counseled to expect adjustments and prepare to deal with them, couples can find this transition easier. This counseling also serves to solidify that they are making a wise decision. I'm speaking of "Christian" counseling. It's been my observation that you reject being counseled in general and dislike it when you feel you are being advised of something you personally feel otherwise about.

PR, I felt this was terrific advice!

Chiefsfan, it is wonderful that you are taking this opportunity to grow closer to the Lord. Often times events like this, and having children, force us to consider things outside ourselves. We spend much of our youth, and too many people far beyond that, in a self-centered POV. Maturing personally and in our faith leads to looking Up as opposed to looking within. I applaud you for setting your mind to this, and I thank God that He has moved you to do this.

All the best, brother!

 

[Strangelove]

SL, what kind of problem do you have with people seeking advice and counseling before they get married? Many people rightly do this in order to prepare for the challenges that come with the commitment. The first year of marriage is often reflected upon as the most difficult, and too many fall apart because it was not as they had anticipated. By being counseled to expect adjustments and prepare to deal with them, couples can find this transition easier. This counseling also serves to solidify that they are making a wise decision. I'm speaking of "Christian" counseling.

Fine so...if these two people walk into the counsellors office and he simply echo's whats in the Bible then I got no problem with it. Man.....Jesus says this and this....this is what you need to do..love your wife etc //// Woman...you need to do this and this....heres the verse. Ok we're done.

Great. But why would you need to do that? Why not just read the Gospels? All the information you need is there.

But I dont think Christain pre-marriage counsilling would be like that. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like an opportunity to needlessly get a third party involved, get a pen and notebook out and start listing a bunch of unreasonable expectations of eachother. Ok we should look to spend x amount of time together daily...and.....look to be having 2.5 kids after x years...and we should visit the in laws a minimum of x times a year..etc...etc

Which you are blatently not gonna keep. It is doomed to failure. Again, correct me if I'm wrong but this is what it sounds like to me.

Not only that but these 2 people have decided to marry eachother and are obviously very serious about it. Why get another person involved with their own outlook and feelings who could cast doubt on your decision to marry? It's almost like they are looking for conformation from a third party that their love is real.

It sounds like an American invention. Sounds like psychiatry. It's unnatural. It's not like work orientation, where you need the training because of specifics related to the job. (The sex part is a hands on job element but the two of you will figure out what works;)). Marriage in essence is very simple. LOVE. If you love your wife everything will follow. It's like Christianity. People like to make it more complicated than it is. They like to add in a bunch of rules. They feel the need to take counsel with men rather than with the Word. They feel the need to analyse simple to truth to death.

Love is the key. Pure and simple. You don't need a counsellor to tell you that.

It's been my observation that you reject being counseled in general and dislike it when you feel you are being advised of something you personally feel otherwise about.

I take any ideas thrown at me and then reference scripture. If they dont line up...I reject it. If they line up, I accept it. Simples. If I've been shown I'm in error I will admit it and thank my Brethren who show me the light.

Case in point earlier today:

http://www.christianforums.net/f17/jesus-really-god-31576/index3.html#post468032

Doc.

 

[Mike]

Fine so...if these two people walk into the counsellors office and he simply echo's whats in the Bible then I got no problem with it. Man.....Jesus says this and this....this is what you need to do..love your wife etc //// Woman...you need to do this and this....heres the verse. Ok we're done.

Great. But why would you need to do that? Why not just read the Gospels? All the information you need is there.

But I dont think Christain pre-marriage counsilling would be like that. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like an opportunity to needlessly get a third party involved, get a pen and notebook out and start listing a bunch of unreasonable expectations of eachother. Ok we should look to spend x amount of time together daily...and.....look to be having 2.5 kids after x years...and we should visit the in laws a minimum of x times a year..etc...etc

Which you are blatently not gonna keep. It is doomed to failure. Again, correct me if I'm wrong but this is what it sounds like to me.

Chiefsfan, I'm sorry that this has veered away from you and the purpose of your thread. In retrospect, it might have been goof for me to move this to the Q&A Forum. The topics in this General Forum have less structure and tend to go off in other directions. This is about pre-marriage counseling. Skip on by if you're not interested. :yes

The only reason I'm obliging strangelove in this direction is to confirm that you (and future readers) understand what premarital counseling really is and what it isn't. It is not many of the things described above. It does not "create unreasonable expectations". In fact, it can serve to reveal unreasonable expectations that either or both of the people can have heading into marriage. Sometimes, but not always, when people are young and in love, they aren't considering possibilities that are likely to arise as problems. This can range from finance, to child rearing, to argument resolution techniques. Does each person believe the other will handle the checkbook? What are their respective attitudes towards saving and spending? Is one a spender and one a saver? Finances are at the center of a lot of marriage problems. Does he plan on spending Friday nights playing poker with his buddies? How does she feel their social time should be spent?

This process isn't to set rules or expectations. It's there to shed light on things that might be a problem before they are a problem. I'd rather be informed about a healthy lifestyle, and avoid needless medical conditions, than react to them after they've manifested themselves. Yes, sometimes Christian counseling can result in the two deciding not to proceed with marriage. If they have different values in their lives or different faith foundations, this could really spell trouble, especially when kids come into the picture. All the Christian premarital counseling that I've heard of (and went through) stresses faith as first and foremost. Some people (obviously not you, CF) go into marriage dismissing faith as an issue, because "love will overcome". Or they are both not very much into their faith, and they don't think differences in them will come between them. This may be true, but what if faith becomes paramount to one of them, and now they're dealing with someone who doesn't support them in their walk? Perhaps in this case it would be better if they didn't get married.

This is Godly help in setting a firm foundation for the marriage. Strangelove, you say you have never been to a church service and don't plan to, because you are fine doing things on your own. It's not surprising that you wouldn't accept the advice or help from a pre-marriage counselor. Quite frankly, this thread never would have been taken off track if you would have just responded to the OP instead of directing your comments toward PR and being critical of her advice.

 

[Strangelove]

The only reason I'm obliging strangelove in this direction is to confirm that you (and future readers) understand what premarital counseling really is and what it isn't. It is not many of the things described above. It does not "create unreasonable expectations". In fact, it can serve to reveal unreasonable expectations that either or both of the people can have heading into marriage. Sometimes, but not always, when people are young and in love, they aren't considering possibilities that are likely to arise as problems. This can range from finance, to child rearing, to argument resolution techniques. Does each person believe the other will handle the checkbook? What are their respective attitudes towards saving and spending? Is one a spender and one a saver? Finances are at the center of a lot of marriage problems. Does he plan on spending Friday nights playing poker with his buddies? How does she feel their social time should be spent?

Yes this is almost exactly what I described I thought the counselling would be like. What has any of that got to do with Christianity? Talking about these things with a 3rd party is simply a bad idea because it's setting boundaries with a witness involved. "Remember you said in counselling that you would......?"

It's just stuff that would be sorted out fine providing the two people truly love eachother.

This process isn't to set rules or expectations. It's there to shed light on things that might be a problem before they are a problem. I'd rather be informed about a healthy lifestyle, and avoid needless medical conditions, than react to them after they've manifested themselves. Yes, sometimes Christian counseling can result in the two deciding not to proceed with marriage. If they have different values in their lives or different faith foundations, this could really spell trouble, especially when kids come into the picture. All the Christian premarital counseling that I've heard of (and went through) stresses faith as first and foremost. Some people (obviously not you, CF) go into marriage dismissing faith as an issue, because "love will overcome". Or they are both not very much into their faith, and they don't think differences in them will come between them. This may be true, but what if faith becomes paramount to one of them, and now they're dealing with someone who doesn't support them in their walk? Perhaps in this case it would be better if they didn't get married.

Ok so the bible teaches you everything you need to know about faith. Why do you need a guy in a chair to tell you faith is the most important thing?

Strangelove, you say you have never been to a church service and don't plan to, because you are fine doing things on your own. It's not surprising that you wouldn't accept the advice or help from a pre-marriage counselor.

Indeed I only take counsel from God on emotional/Spiritual matters. I'm not doing anything on my own fella.

Quite frankly, this thread never would have been taken off track if you would have just responded to the OP instead of directing your comments toward PR and being critical of her advice.

Hang on a second Mike. This was the OP:

I'm getting married very soon to the woman of my dreams.It is time for us to get closer to god where we need to be.I need to be in position to lead me and my wife to be to the ways of the lord.I owe my life to god.I would love to establish christian friendships.I do have to admit I'm new to this.I'm doing the very best I can and educate myself more about god,any help is appreciated.Thanks

And if you read my post I spend exactly 1 line (1 comment) saying I didnt think the idea of pre-marriage councelling was particularly sound, and then go on (with the bulk of my post) to advise the guy to simply go to the Bible and become firm in their faith and talk to eachother and educate themselves about God, and be firm in the true doctrines of Christianity....?....and to look to the Bible for marriage advise. To follow the Bible. And then I quote God's Word on the matter. What did you think of my advise?

How is that not addressing the OP?

I dont see how this thread has gone off track? We're still talking about marriage and the Bible. : no comprende senor.

Doc.

 

[jasoncran]

I'm getting married very soon to the woman of my dreams.It is time for us to get closer to god where we need to be.I need to be in position to lead me and my wife to be to the ways of the lord.I owe my life to god.I would love to establish christian friendships.I do have to admit I'm new to this.I'm doing the very best I can and educate myself more about god,any help is appreciated.Thanks

please do get some counseling. it does help. i wish i did it. man the mistakes i have made.

whatever you do, live out the vows once you do tie the knot. its not easy all the time in marriage.

 

[Dusty]

I'm getting married very soon to the woman of my dreams.It is time for us to get closer to god where we need to be.I need to be in position to lead me and my wife to be to the ways of the lord.I owe my life to god.I would love to establish christian friendships.I do have to admit I'm new to this.I'm doing the very best I can and educate myself more about god,any help is appreciated.Thanks

First of all .... Congratulations. And God's richest blessings to you both as you start a new Chapter in your life.

Second of all I don't like the word Christian councelling .as some have said . It makes it sounds like it is a session with a councellor which I suppose in essence that is what it is . May I suggest , there are many churches who hold classes with other Christians who are about to be married which in my mind are more informative and less formal .

THe main thing is like others have said to love your wife , read and do devotions together and discuss what you have learned . Pray together and always be there for each other and when there is an agument, we are told to not let the sun go down on our wrath .

Ephesians 4:26-27 .... <SUP id=en-NIV-29283 class=versenum>26</SUP>"In your anger do not sin"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, <SUP id=en-NIV-29284 class=versenum>27</SUP>and do not give the devil a foothold.


May I suggest you reading ;
1 Corinthians 13

 

[Mike]

Second of all I don't like the word Christian councelling .as some have said . It makes it sounds like it is a session with a councellor which I suppose in essence that is what it is . May I suggest , there are many churches who hold classes with other Christians who are about to be married which in my mind are more informative and less formal .

This is what I've been talking about all along - church based Christian pre-marriage counseling. Not a couple with a therapist, but in a room with other Christian couples.

 

[Dusty]

This is what I've been talking about all along - church based Christian pre-marriage counseling. Not a couple with a therapist, but in a room with other Christian couples.

Exactly thanks . We are on the same page .