[__ Prayer __] crazy...or so lucid I make others crazy?

[Christ_empowered]

LOL. OK, its like this...when I was in my late teens, I was immature, at college at 17, not ready for life, blah blah blah. Predictably, I went to a shrink. A part of me thought I could get on pills that would make my life better. Imagine that, lol.

12 years later, I'm 30. I've had 2 rounds of heavy, involuntary electroshock. For about 10-11 years, I was dumb. I mean..painfully, awfully stupid. No longer.

Here's whats strange...I've recovered from "Treatment," and only by the Grace of God. I'm miraculously smart, at least smart enough to write this post and also do reasonably well at Liberty University online. So...the mental health people who actually treat me call it "severe Bipolar I, in recovery," while the shrinks who shocked me apparently say I've "recently developed Schizophrenia."

I'm not Mr.Popular. When I go outside for a smoke, one set of neighbors, in particular, says things about me loud enough for me to hear. They've been harassing me for years now. Too fat, nothing special, gets chemical peels, "he's got warrants" (that's my favorite one, lol), so on and so forth. Now, they say "the faggot has schizophrenia."

Ugh. My initial diagnosis was Narcissism...or became "Narcissism" after I took a shrink who got me hooked on Klonopin and Ambien to the state medical board. Note to self: don't mess with your shrinks.

Its just...well, crazy, honestly. The difference between "Bipolar I" and "Schizophrenia" in my case isn't so much symptoms as its...social class, race, stigma or reducing stigma, the shrink's perception of me. Stuff like that. Also, I get the sense that 'round here, if I"m "crazy," it has to be Schizophrenia, because only the most stigmatizing diagnosis will do. Also, "Schizophrenia" seems to be as much a social role as a diagnosis, whereas Bipolar I is less a role than sort of like saying "crazy, but still potentially part of society." See what I"m saying?

Ugh. This also raises a question I've asked a couple times before...if mental illness is at least partly from your brain, and your brain is also at least somewhat responsible for your intelligence, how can I--electroshocked, bashed on the head, former Rx pill addict--have both "severe mental illness" and enough intelligence to accomplish what I need to accomplish?

Thanks for any input y'all have.

 

[Eugene]

In the world you have no chance, but then there are many Christians spinning their wheels in Egypt just as Israel did. Their reward becomes evident as them following after the flesh instead of the Spirit. Rom 8:4.
Isa 31:1 Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; . . . but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!

Brother CE, you have traveled far, won many battles, or I should say allowed God to make you an overcomer in the new nature of Christ, and God's will for you is to have His very best as being a part of the bride of His Son Jesus.

The sufferings you experience is the very thing that will make you a joint heir (Rom 8:17) to reign with Him (2 Tim 2:12), and Peter said it this way in 1 Pet 1:7. That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

When all seem to be against you, think on Joh 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. You are blessed.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, Eugene. I still think in terms of watered down sociology 101, lol. Gotta stop that...

Truth is, I did my best to get saved almost 2 1/2 years ago. I kept getting Born Again because, now and then, I'd become aware that I was becoming more lucid, so I thought I had to recommit...or something like that.

Anyway, point is, when I was dull and semi-vegetative, I wasn't called schizophrenic. Now that I've been blessed with enough intelligence to actually be in society, maybe one day independently, suddenly I'm "schizophrenic." I think that's 2 things: 1) I realize now that my faith does have something to do with this and 2) my "recovery" brings out the demon in people (of course, I'm only "in recovery" because of Christ, so 1+2 are closely related).

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Before I was a Christian, people didn't mind. I used to think it was because I was a semi-vegetable, but...really, I'm starting to see now that what Jesus has done for me simply because I somehow came to believe upon Him is the real "issue" for a lot of people. That and the way I aim to live my life (my pursuit of celibacy, for instance, bothers my psychiatrist).

So...yeah...persecuted for being blessed. Blessed for being persecuted. I see where you're going with this...