Dating Non-Christians

[Blazin Bones]

I would date a non christian, I would also tell her about Jesus.

Take a read at 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Paul doesn't just stop when he says we should not be yoked together with non-believers, but he continues to show that light, those of Christ, should have no fellowship with darkness.

Fellowship here is not just getting together, but rather fellowship is the uniting of those with a common belief and purpose. Paul shows this by suggesting that Jesus has no uniting grounds with Belial. To be in a relationship with an unbeliever is to say that a child of Christ can fellowship with a child of darkness, that they do have the same purpose when they come together. However, in truth this can not be.

The two may both be uniting for a hope of marraige, but a Christian should view marraige as God uniting two people as one, and as a symbolism of how one day Christ will come and be made one with his church. A Non believer enters marriage with the hopes of sustained intimacy, a life long friend, and more selfish reasons. Therefore, what seems to be a unified purpose is actually a very distinct differaence in beliefs.

Now, suppose the Bible isn't good enough for you. Simple studies in psychology could show you that those who share more ideals in common can sustain any kind of relationship better than those who do not. Marraige is supposed to be a life long commited relationship. It becomes very tough for the relationship to be sustained if a couple is constantly finding new things in which they differ on, and differing faiths are a very consistent source of differing opinions.

Whether we look at this in God's eyes or in basic psychology, a Christian in a relationship is a bad idea. yes, some couples have made it work, but what compromises have they made in the process?

 

[PrincessSuzy]

I'm currently dating a non-christian guy. Things are going great...but the more I read about this the more I realize that maybe it was a mistake. He knows I'm a christian and he respects that. He's told me that he will never make me choose between him and church/God. And to be honest I think that is what attracted him to me. I'm diffrent from other girls. I have strong morales and values.

And now we're both in love. But I'm worred because he suffers a lot from depression and I'm almost certain that if we were to break up he'd probably kill himself because he'd feel lonely again.

I'm really torn in this situation. I mean I love the Lord with all my heart and I live to serve him..but something in my heart tells me that I may have moved a bit too quickly and that this guy may not be the one that the Lord has for me. But I'm in love with him. I pray for him every single day and when depression gets to him I talk to him about the Lord and how the Lord helps me thru tough times.

Am I in sin? Could this whole thing go wrong?!

:-?

 

[Rebel]

I'm currently dating a non-christian guy. Things are going great...but the more I read about this the more I realize that maybe it was a mistake. He knows I'm a christian and he respects that. He's told me that he will never make me choose between him and church/God. And to be honest I think that is what attracted him to me. I'm diffrent from other girls. I have strong morales and values.

And now we're both in love. But I'm worred because he suffers a lot from depression and I'm almost certain that if we were to break up he'd probably kill himself because he'd feel lonely again.

I'm really torn in this situation. I mean I love the Lord with all my heart and I live to serve him..but something in my heart tells me that I may have moved a bit too quickly and that this guy may not be the one that the Lord has for me. But I'm in love with him. I pray for him every single day and when depression gets to him I talk to him about the Lord and how the Lord helps me thru tough times.

Am I in sin? Could this whole thing go wrong?!

:-?

Princess,

That is a hard situation, but God can help you work things out according to his will.

The bible does say we are not to be joined with unbelievers. You need someone who is spiritually strong, your spouce (assuming there's a possibility this relationship could end in marriage) is the person you become one with. Not only that, he is the one you will look to for encouragement and comfort when you are down, the one you will want to share all of your joys and your struggles with, he is the one who will be at your side through hard times. For me it is very important to have someone who will look to God through those hard times, pray with me when I am hurting, encourage me in the Word when I am down, and rejoice with me in the Lord always. If we do not see eye-to-eye on the spiritual matters, then we could never truly be one, for the most important thing in my life would be missing in his, and there would be a wall between us.

It's good that your boyfriend respects your beliefs, but if I may be so bold, that's not enough. Yes, there is the possibility he could get saved, and I truly hope he does, but do not enter into a more serious stage of this relationship holding onto the hope that he will, because there's no way to tell whether he will, and if he doesn't it will make it hard for you down the road. I feel for you in my heart, I know things are hard where love is involved, but God will grant you wisdom and strength to bear whatever happens. If you feel your boyfriend has an open heart toward the truth then continue to witness to him, maybe he will get saved... but I really have to reccomend telling him you just want to be friends right now, and pray that he takes it well, continue to witness and pray that he comes to Christ.

Here are some verses for your consideraion--

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." Ephesians 5:31

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3

You will be in my prayers.

 

[Silversmok3]

No.

Period.

There's literally thousands of reasons why dating nom christians is a bad idea.

Ill pick the one God revealed to me one afternoon.

Our priority as saved sinners is to live like and for Christ,to the exclusion of career,hobbies,friends,sinful activites and even girlfriends.

Your unsaved spouse will not understand your purpose in life,and will be counseled by their unsaved friends to get you to 'loosen up' and see to his/her purpose in life-doing whatever feels good.

So now you're fighting a spiritual battle with someone you're supposed to love,in addition to the standard couple issues of today.

Worse,you're fighting with someone who may not care about you at all.Someone who is unsaved doesn't care about Jesus and his sacrifice for THEM!And to top it off,Jesus was flawless!

If your spouse doesn't think the Lord of Hosts is worth their time of day,where do you think you rank on the scale?

Ask yourself that question of you're considering or actually dating an unsaved mate.

I don't write this to condemn or judge anyone,it is simply that life is far to great and short with Jesus to be spent mired in sin with someone who doesn't care about you or Christ.

-Silversmok3

 

[carbon]

Now...I haven't had specific experience with this, considering, when I was dating, I wasn't a Christian myself, however, I have some other experiences that I think may be relevant and conclusions made from them. Keep in mind, I have only considered myself a Christian for a few months now (21). This post is the reality from my experiences and somewhat difficult for me to admit.

I have always held myself to a high moral standard even when I was at the most atheistic point in my life (I loosened my moral standards a decent bit for myself at that time which I am not proud of). From my experiences, only Christians will be likely to have and to *hold to* a high moral standard and share core values. Which I think is important. There are atheists/agnosts that have a high moral standards, but they may loosen them up easier. There also could be a conflict of values.

Admittedly, I don't think I could date a non-Christian (hang out with them by all means). I voted "no way". Which is like saying I wouldn't trust my past self. Which is an oddly hard thing to write and admit. I feel like I should be able to date non-Christians...it's more of a probability thing in my mind though, I suppose.

I am not saying non-Christians are bad people. They're good people in their own right. I'm saying the probability of values and priorities being in conflict would be substantially greater.

 

[rachey88]

Re:

I will not date a non-christian. I beleive Paul warned us against being un-equally yoked for a reason.

I agree that dating someone who doesn't know the Lord is not a good idea. And that it would definately grieve the Spirit. But also being un-equally yoked doesn't just pertain to being "saved" or "unsaved" it's also the degree of faith and devotion to the Lord. You shouldn't just limit yourself to dating Chrisitans but you should also be searching and praying for someone who is on the same level with God as you are. Because if you date someone who is let's say a casual Christian, you know goes to church when they feel like it, doesn't really pay attention to the Word.. doesn't get involved.. and hangs out with people who they shouldn't; But you are an on fire Christian always at church, always helping, going to camp as a sponsor. You two would be considered un-equally yoked as well... because the chances of that relationship working are very unlikely. Most likely, either feelings will get hurt severly or they will pull you down from your activities. There are some positive things that could happen... you get them more involved.. but if Satan even gets ahold of either of you it will be very hard to get back up.

 

[Angel of Death]

Of course I would, there's nothing wrong with it

 

[mike111]

Did you say he doesn't prohibit this, interesting. Did not know that.
I would say then its fine, although Before I would have said no.

i have no experience in this topic, but i do have an opinion.

the way i see it, God has sombody for me. i believe that, he made eve for adam, and he has somebody for me.....

so therefore my girl is out there somewhere...... who knows when i will be with her, i dont know when, but everything comes in its own time. (Song of Solomon: dont stir up love, dont force it, it will come).

so how do i know she knows God? maybe the way she will know him is through me? maybe i'm to be used by God to bring her to him?

Paul warns about this, (read the yolk quotes), but he doesn' prohibit it. i dont know how God works, but i would date a girl who is non-christian, i would just be in non-ceasing prayer, that put God first, not her......

any comments?

 

[Fembot]

This thread is SO old.
I would not date a non-christian again. Too much distance in beliefs and drama. I want a guy that is compatible with me in that he wants to live his life and raise a family the way God says not the rest of the world.

 

[jasoncran]

Re:

I've dated non christians before, and i've severly stumbled because of it.

So my answer = no

lesson learned ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Fembot]

Now...I haven't had specific experience with this, considering, when I was dating, I wasn't a Christian myself, however, I have some other experiences that I think may be relevant and conclusions made from them. Keep in mind, I have only considered myself a Christian for a few months now (21). This post is the reality from my experiences and somewhat difficult for me to admit.

I have always held myself to a high moral standard even when I was at the most atheistic point in my life (I loosened my moral standards a decent bit for myself at that time which I am not proud of). From my experiences, only Christians will be likely to have and to *hold to* a high moral standard and share core values. Which I think is important. There are atheists/agnosts that have a high moral standards, but they may loosen them up easier. There also could be a conflict of values.

Admittedly, I don't think I could date a non-Christian (hang out with them by all means). I voted "no way". Which is like saying I wouldn't trust my past self. Which is an oddly hard thing to write and admit. I feel like I should be able to date non-Christians...it's more of a probability thing in my mind though, I suppose.

I am not saying non-Christians are bad people. They're good people in their own right. I'm saying the probability of values and priorities being in conflict would be substantially greater.

COngratulations on your walk with God. Well said...

 

[Charlie+]

As someone who has just got out of a relationship with a muslim I can tell you there is a good reason God said the unequally yoked thing. If any girls are reading this and are considering a relationship with a muslim please read this site and forward to anyone else http://www.domini.org/lam/

 

[Mike760]

How many Christians here are comfortable dating non-Christians?

I almost went out with a Wiccan girl. Thats how hard it is to come by a girl worth being with these days. Almost all the girls are skanks who will end up leaving you. And the ones who aren't, are usually either too young or already with someone. At this point Christian or Non-Christian, it really doesn't matter. A girl's a girl, if she's someone who will love you and cuddle with you, and make your life worth living, and she is someone you can fight for.

 

[ChattyMute]

How many Christians here are comfortable dating non-Christians?

From a non-Christian stance, I would say it depends on the person, but generally no.
If you don't mind the person being of a different faith, that's fine. Or if you both acknowledge that you have differences and don't try to change each other, that's fine.

As an agnostic atheist, I'm put off when someone is hard core Christian (or another faith), and I imagine Christians feel the same way about someone similar who is non-Christian.

It's not that it is necessary for someone to be of the same beliefs, but it is easier in the long run and prevents certain arguments.
ESPECIALLY if you plan on getting married or a civil union or whatever.

 

[Nick]

How many Christians here are comfortable dating non-Christians?

It terms of having a relationship (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend)...absolutely not. Paul warned us about being 'unequally yoked'. Marraiges and close relationships are meant to glorify God (that means have three people in the relationship or marraige) and are to grow ourselves in faith. How can we do this with an unbeliever? The answer is we can't.

This does not mean, however, that we cannot have close (non-loving feelings) relationships with non-Christians, i.e. just friends. That is good and healthy.

 

[doctorwhogirl]

I dated a non-Christian (if you could call three rather odd dates and several emails dating) and it caused me to majorly stumble in my life in Christ. It even got to the point where I wished I didn't actually believe because I thought it would make things more simple (I know now it wouldn't!)
Thankfully just as I was about to give up on God he didn't give up on me and brought me back to a right relationship with Him and His Son and the relationship ended!
I have learnt how to be very thankful of my singleness and would even go further to say that I'm not sure I ever want another relationship even with a Christian. However, if it is God's will that I get married I won't go against Him again.
But I will not be dating anymore non-Christians, it hurts too much.

 

[FormerGodHater]

I got saved while dating my unsaved girlfriend several years ago, and let me tell you our relationship disintegrated into a nightmare the longer I held onto it. This is because my hunger for God was growing and He knew I couldn't grow and thrive in that relationship.

God went to great lengths to expose my girlfriend and her family for what they really were. And as I hungered to know God more, He turned up the heat in my life to break it off with her with even more bad things I was learning about her and her family, things that would stifle my new faith. I had to get over my "savior" complex thinking I could solve all her problems, and God made it clear that I couldn't and that I needed to leave her, and then leave her in His hands.

In other words, I don't just believe, I KNOW that God does not approve of Christians dating non-Christians. And if your relationship with a non-believer is a nightmare - even a living hell - then what more evidence do you need that God wants you to end it?? Please, don't be the fool that I was for the last 1-1/2 years of my relationship with that lady - avoid such a relationship at all costs, if you truly want God's best in your life!!!!!

 

[Former Saul]

What about starting out as friends first? Then bring her to the Lord, and do what He commands. He will show you who He wants you with. Everything is always in His time, not ours. Just remember that.

This is really sound advice, and true, too. My Sunday school teacher, Miguel, became a Christian in his teens. Then he met Marta, a non-Christian, and fell head over heels for her. Luckily for him, God made a way: He asked her out a few months after he met her, and she said no. It was awkward for a while, but then things smoothed over and they became friends. They were best friends for several years, during which time Marta found Christ, and during which Miguel never stopped loving her. By the time they got to college Marta had begun to return his love and they started dating, and then they got married. Their relationship worked because, after the initial rejection, Miguel was patient and he trusted God to know what was best. They came to trust and care for each other deeply, which allowed him to lead Marta to Christ; and though it took many years, God brought them together in the end.

The moral of the story is, if you like an unbeliever, you should be satisfied with caring for them as only a best friend can, and you should continually pray for and expose the Gospel to them.

 

[ChattyMute]

you should continually ...expose the Gospel to them.

No, you really shouldn't. I know many people, including myself, would just get pissed at you for continually bringing up religion when they don't want to hear it. No one wants others beliefs shoved down their throats. And if it was me and someone was doing that, I'd break off the friendship unless said person stopped.

Doing what you are saying usually leads to an end in friendships and relationships. This goes for atheists shoving their beliefs down theists throats as well.

 

[Former Saul]

Hmm, that's a good point. I don't mean shoving the Bible in their face, though. We, as Christians, have to expose the Gospel through our actions and our choices just as much as- if not more than- our words. I think the best way to show Jesus is to show his love in how we treat people, and to be honest about your faith. Then unbelievers will come to you when they have questions, instead of you always hounding them.