[__ Prayer __] dealing with bullies

[Christ_empowered]

OK. So, I'm 31. I'm mentally ill (not just a little bit, either). I'm blessed...I live with my parents in safety and comfort. I receive disability, I'm going back to school (in the hopes that I won't always need disability), and I got saved 3 years ago because (I believe) God Himself woke me up to the reality of my need for Christ. Maybe that's true of everyone, but...it was going to take a miracle just for me to get saved. I got that miracle, and now I'm different and my life is different.

I was outside on my parents' front porch a little while ago, humming a song and having a cigarette (I know, bad; keep in mind, the mentally ill looove cigarettes). Some people over at the neighbors started giving me a hassle. Its getting old. Plus, it creeps me out. They have their backyard fenced in w/ a chain link fence. My parents have put all kindsa trees and shurbs on our side of the fence to give us both some much needed privacy (good fences make for good neighbors, but chain link fences aren't really good fences, am I right?). So, I get the sense that they can see me better than I can see them...and also I get the sense that they spend a little too much time taunting me.

Its creepy because it was so dark--I smoke outside w/o the porch light on, all the lights out in their backyard were off (there's a workshop out there and a pool). Then I heard a dog barking...scary, vicious sounding barking...and they started talking. 11:45-ish, dark, Sunday night....taunting me. I didn't have my MP3 player on, so I just put out my cigarette and went back in the house.

Its creeping me out. This one woman over there, she has the harshest, most redneck-ey sounding voice. I mean, its like straight out of Deliverance or something (yes, its The South).

I think I'm getting better at dealing with it. I don't process and over-analyze what they say near as much, which is a huge step (couple steps?) forward for me. What's bothering me is how aggressive these people--and others in this little neighborhood--can be with me. It'd be 10x worse in the little apt. my parents bought (they're renting it out now w/ a property management company and making a lil $$$, btw, so I don't feel too bad about moving back in here), and who knows what would happen if I lived in an apt. complex or something. I don't get it.

I'm rambling. Please pray with me that God will provide what I need to bear up under what comes my way. That's what I've been praying for, and He's been good to me (in all respects, not just with this). Now, its...its not really what they say, its the very fact that they're messing with me, being this creepy and weirdly aggressive, in a decent part of town.

Thanks, as always, for your prayers+encouragement+support.

 

[Eugene]

Praying for you Brother CE. May God ease the way for you in Jesus' name. Amen.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, Eugene. I'm blessed. My people are supporting+protecting me. They've even been blessed by God with higher status (not rich, but they don't worry much about $$$) after years of hard work and struggle.

I'm not trembling in fear or anything, but...the creepiness of it, the anger in that woman's voice, the way they sometimes yell directly at me...it gets to me sometimes. And, like I said, it'd be worse elsewhere.

It doesn't help that they apparently think I have a felony (that's what they yell, anyway). I do have a relatively recent misdemeanor, true. But...if they think/assume I have a felony, they may feel free to do things that they really shouldn't...(shudder).

Thanks for your prayers.

 

[Deborah13]

Hey CE
You are doing great dealing with the troubles and trials that come your way. You are growing in strength and faith, step by step. It has been a wonderful experience to see you and the Lord working together in your life. You are correct in saying that you are blessed by God.
Those people's words that you can hear cannot harm you unless you pay attention to what they are saying and believe them, and you know that they lie. It's their problem not yours. Bullies are cowards, little characters which lack self-control and empathy for others. They aren't worth your consideration unless the Lord should lead you to pray for a specific person.
When you feel weak and scared you can know that the Apostle Paul felt the same way at times, but he said when he was weak was when he was strong. He could rely on the Lord's grace. 2 Corinth. 12:8-10.
I love you and I am blessed to know you. You are in my prayers.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, Deborah and Eugene.

I just went out to Bojangles (we have a new-ish one) to get some lunch. Predictably, some woman over at the neighbors' place (yes, the SAME set of neighbors) yelled something out as I was walking towards my car. Ugh. And yet...

...I've never been Mr.Popular. Never will be, either. I was regarded as the ultimate loser in HS and, after intensive psychiatric "treatment," I became a straight up, 110% weakling. I got saved 3 years ago and now--I mean, maybe within the past 1 year or so--I'm suddenly...not a weakling. My face is normal (for a while there, it was too soft and feminine and pretty), my hair grew back, my skin looks great, my voice has deepened, and I'm smart for the first time in over 10 years (not a super genius, but I can achieve my goals, which is a huge blessing).

Point is...God matters. These people don't matter much to me. I pray for them every night, sometimes more than once. And the real problem is Satan, and another layer of that is American culture, circa 2016. Unemployed=loser; mentally ill=move out into a trailer in the boonies and stay out of mainstream society; weakling=deal with the ridicule, loser. You get the picture. I love the idea of America, but I get the sense that the culture is kinda on the skids, and it seems worse in the South (my opinion). Southern culture is glamorized and romanticized, but look at the statistics: more violence, more poverty, more divorce, lots of drugs, ridiculous inequality that's reinforced by everybody, often even churches ("know your place in society").

I'm rambling. I guess...this world is not my home, right? Well, then, this lil town sure enough isn't, either. Maybe it never was, or at least it hasn't been in a long, long time.