Develop a Friendship? Is there even a point? Really Need Advice

[TheCollegeLife]

One day I was sitting around, and I felt very bored and lonely. I had been away at college for a whole year, and now I was back home.. I had also recently quit a new job that I enjoyed, and I was pretty bummed about that too. I felt like I wanted to talk, but I didn't want to talk to my female friends. Not because we don't get along, but b/c I specifically wanted to talk to a guy. Within the past year I've been actively making an effort to talk to more guys instead of girls. In addition, the guys I'd talked to at school constantly pressured me in one way or another, or weren't talkative enough. I long since stopped talking to them. While I was moping around, I had also been praying a bit, asking God for a guy that I could just talk to, share some jokes with, and who wouldn't pressure me for anything. My intentions were this: we could be friends, get to know eachother, and maybe it'd turn into something more.

So late that night I made a profile on a dating website. Then I emailed one guy. His profile indicated he was active on the site. The next day he emailed saying he had a gf, and that he wouldn't mind getting to know me. But his profile said he was single, I would've never emailed him if he wasn't. So I told him to change his profile, and he did. I should've been more specific and told him to delete his profile..

Anyway after a month of emailing, he asked for my number, and I gave my # to him. He texted abt 2 days later, and we've been texting abt 2 months now. So thats 3 months we've been in contact.

This is how the texting went: he'd initiate, I'd respond, and vice versa. The problem is that he started flirting. Now I don't have experience with guys, but I'm pretty sure I recognize a flirty text. At first I thought ok at least I know he’s heterosexual. But then the flirting progressively became more frequent and more blatant. First it started with winks (in the texts), then he said "I'm just hinting that maybe I like you. Lol jk jk jk jk". Then he started with nicknames, and at one point said that "we clicked". He even said "Watch when I see you I'll make you love me lol jkjkjkjk". By the way, when a guy says "wife you up", what does that mean? Is that disrespectful? I've never heard anyone say that before. When he said that I retorted with a clever remark of my own just in case it was disrespectful. I know I wasn't flirting or encouraging him (no double entendres, no double meanings, nothing). I texted him random stuff about Christianity, or I treated him the way I'd treat my younger siblings-- I basically called him ugly, stupid, a punk or made fun of him etc. At all points I've made it clear to him that I'm smart and not a pushover, so there's nothing on my part that would encourage his behavior or make it think its ok for him to act like that. I feel like I'm constantly on the lookout for guys who'll try to take advantage me, and that I don't get to simply enjoy a normal conversation with one.

Now is it me, or are the things he says too much? I admit that I'm a silly person, and its my silly side that I usually show people. But what kind of humor is he using?

Is there even a point in developing a friendship with this guy? Things didn't turn out the way I planned at all. I feel uncomfortable talking to him when he acts like that b/c he has a gf. I'm seriously considering dropping him and moving on. I deleted my profile, and his number.

 

[PouringRain]

I don't know you nor this guy so it is difficult to really give a fair assessment of the situation and of the guy. I realize that dating sites often have a "looking for friends" type of option, but to be honest-- is is a dating website! It is not exactly the best place to meet people for a friendship.

Only you can say if this man's behavior is going too far. If it were me, I'd be highly bothered by a man who claimed to have a gf and then clearly was flirty with me. But that is just me. I have known both males and females who clearly think flirting with the opposite sex is perfectly fine while engaged in a relationship and is nothing more than "harmless fun". That may be fine for other people, but for me it would not be okay in my own personal life. Only you can decide what is too much for you. Keep in mind that this is not about you alone, but also about his gf. If you were the gf, would you be okay with your bf texting those things to another woman? If not, then don't allow yourself to be the one on the receiving end of those texts. Only you can make the call.

I have no clue what he meant by the wife remark. I've never heard it before. I google searched the words "wife you up" and apparently it is a song. Perhaps that is what he was referring to. I'd post a link, but imo it is not a very nice song. You will have to google it yourself. LOL

Have you tried making friends with guys at church? Have you thought about joining a Christian college group-- like a social group? Have you looked into volunteer work? If you want to use the internet, have you considered a social networking group (as opposed to a dating site) and look for Christian males in your area?

 

[TheCollegeLife]

I do agree with you and I've made a point to stop talking to him, by deleting his number.. I did some research and found a church in my area. I have to check it out now and see if there's a healthy young adult population there.. (mainly guys lol, I have plenty female friends).. I don't mean I want to go to church for the sole purpose of meeting guys, but it is definitely on my checklist......

Hopefully all goes well.. I'm getting anxious and frustrated lol.

 

[PouringRain]

I hope it all goes well for you also.

 

[jasoncran]

being a guy who is no longer single, if i did that to my wife, i would be dead. even when i wasnt married and with a girl, i wouldnt flirt with members of the opposite sex. its just disrespectful.

i have a friend that i met on this forum ,that we do talk that is of opposite sex(my wife knows) and we make sure we dont flirt(it happened but we killed it quick). often we pray for each other or also edify each other in the faith.

i being a male , have the curse of being to talk to a girl when i was single,but couldnt get a date cause the girl wanted a man not a man that could be a boyfriend and actually talk and joke with her and even relate.

i wasnt always emotionally numb in my life. i did allow them(emotions) to come out in certian times of my life. and being empathic , women found that i was easy to talk to, but not comfortable enough to date go figure.

 

[TheCollegeLife]

On a positive note I do have more areas of my life to focus on besides meeting guys, lol. Lots of academic work, and lots of spiritual work to be done...Sigh.. I was feeling anxious and frustrated yesterday.. but I have to remember to trust in God and be content. Right now I really don't have anything to be ungrateful or discontent about.

Alright time to quit moping and be productive!! And by the way thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it.

 

[sherri2]

:waving Hey there, I'd leave this thread where it is except this line bothered me and so I just thought I'd bring it up -

I basically called him ugly, stupid, a punk or made fun of him etc. At all points I've made it clear to him that I'm smart...

God bless

 

[TheCollegeLife]

Um................... I'm not sure of what approach I should take in responding to your comment mainly b/c its a little hard to identify in your sentence the advice I was originally seeking...... But yea this thread is pretty much done.

 

[bugglebee]

If you were in need of someone to talk to, why did you get on a singles website? Anyways, I'm just seeing this as harmless, juvenile flirting. He's not saying anything explicit. But if he has a girlfriend and he's making you uncomfortable, then stop talking to him. Plus, you sound more mature than him. Maybe you just need an older guy you can understand haha.

 

[Pizzaguy]

The internet is a funny thing - people can be ANYTHING they want to be - until you meet them.

My experience with "singles sites" is not very impressive. I have vowed to NEVER spend another dollar OR minute on any of them: Match, yahoo, Christian singles, eHarmony, etc.

And I gave it quite a try, over several years. I have met only two ladies who have turned into friends... the others were either a waste of time, or worse.