[__ Prayer __] disability review

[Christ_empowered]

I receive disability for severe mental illness (some say Bipolar I, some say Schizophrenia). My disability is up for review.

I don't know what to think. I'm one of those people--maybe there are a lot of us, I dunno--who got worse under "treatment." 2 rounds of heavy involuntary shock treatments, one hospital let me OD on a benzodiazepine sleeping pill (I turned purple and wet the bed...they didn't do anything about it...), that sort of thing.

I spent 10+/- years in a state of utter and complete sick-ness. I mean, premature aging, immune system problems, respiratory problems, mental problems, lowered IQ, on and on it goes. Now, I'm receiving treatment from a public/community health clinic (the people before were private practice), and I"m actually...getting better (!!!). Its crazy.

The treatment providers from back in the day insisted that it was just a personality disorder, so they basically punished me for being "narcissistic," and they took a lot of money from my parents and insurance company, too. One dude, a counselor, lied to my parents and said I was "schizophrenic," when really he had diagnosed Oppositional Defiant Disorder, probably because I didn't care for his treatment style.

Ugh. I'm not trying to re-hash everything, its just like...I'm finally stable, not over-medicated or anything, my IQ is apparently back up (miracle...not that IQ is everything, but...its good to be demonstrably better), there's a bright light in my eyes, my physical health is good (I need to lose weight and build muscle, but I'm not sick or sickly or anything), I'm finishing my degree online, and...now they're reviewing my disability.

Ugh. I don't even want to be on disability forever, not if I can help it. I'm looking to get a degree, try to get a decent job, and transition into being a normal member of a community, somewhere. I don't have a work history, references, job skills, technical skills, any of that.

I'm hoping I can keep disability for now, if its God's will. The last time I worked it was while at Teen Challenge getting rehabilitated (which worked beautifully, btw). I worked in a factory. Everybody was mean to me, and one of the dudes who was also from TC told the co-workers my story, so they'd all call me "Thorazine" and stuff like that.

I'm rambling...please pray.

 

[Eugene]

I'm rambling...please pray.

Said everything you needed, and you know I'm praying.
On your evaluation I can see no attributes to your life that would suggest you are able to care for yourself without gainful employment.
Blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[jasonc]

Ssa sent the letter eh?

 

[AirDancer]

You remain in my prayers, my friend.

Because of your age, you will see a few more of those reviews, more than likely.

If nothing else, you should be a bit reassured that our government is trying to keep an eye on who is legitimately receiving disability.

 

[Roro1972]

Im praying for you, I understand somewhat I got some big problems myself.

 

[AirDancer]

Im praying for you, I understand somewhat I got some big problems myself.

You're in my prayers as well, Roro

 

[Eugene]

Im praying for you, I understand somewhat I got some big problems myself.

Dear Brother Roro, your very understanding may be the comfort others perceive in your testimony

2Co 1:2 Grace be to you and peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.
2Co 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
2Co 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

 

[smaller]

I worked in a factory. Everybody was mean to me, and one of the dudes who was also from TC told the co-workers my story, so they'd all call me "Thorazine" and stuff like that.

I seldom, if ever, share any weakness or trial or failures that I might be having with anyone else, because people are evil and cruel by nature. Demeaning. Demanding. Condemning. Self exalting. The last people on my sharing list would be believers.

So, if you never said anything about anything adverse with your life or your self, in the long run you're better off to keep things to yourself. Suffering is best done alone, in the dark.

Better to keep lips always zipped and them guessing.

Things I learned at an early age from living in a small town full of gossip mongers.

 

[Roro1972]

you could be right, one must choose wisely whom to share certain things with. Some failures show their self no matter how hard one tries to cover them up. and if one can not admit to those failures then he can not begin to correct them. There are some failures of men that are harder to deal with alone. I can attest to wanting an understanding friend in some of my trials. And when one does admit to those failures he may find help he would not have had if he was still trying to hide them.

 

[smaller]

you could be right, one must choose wisely whom to share certain things with. Some failures show their self no matter how hard one tries to cover them up. and if one can not admit to those failures then he can not begin to correct them.

It is one thing to deal with failures, weaknesses and trials. It is quite another to come under the chastisements of God. It is pointless to share this experience unless someone else can directly relate to it themselves AND know why this happens.

I know why, and showed it above. When you lead an exemplary life and THEN come into chastisements, it is quite entirely painful. And a believer can NOT escape this chastisement either, any more than Jonah could run away from God.

God can and does make life quite miserable for believers under "His chastisements" and no amounts of good works or deeds can avoid it from happening nor will any form of "repentance" cause it to cease.

We might see that Paul was "chastised" unjustly when he got his head lopped off by a Roman sword OR we could see the messenger of Satan in Paul's flesh and SEE that his death released him from that holder of his flesh, and that God was completely JUSTIFIED in that event, releasing him thusly, by allowing and even causing that event to transpire, by the resistance to the Gospel in others reacting adversely to Paul, no different than it perhaps PLEASED God to have Stephen killed by RILING UP THE DEVIL in the people that stoned him. Was it an unjust death, or did it PLEASE God to release Stephen from his own flesh in that way?

Can we maybe also see that it pleased God to have His Own Son unjustly murdered by the devils in man, and to subsequently raise Him from the dead?

You tell me. I already know the answer. It pleases God to bring His Children HOME by the adversity of death, particularly if it is done by the demonic reactions in others to the Gospel. This is the 'essence' of being a Christian martyr. The "reasons" for our own chastisements are clear enough. The flesh IS contrary to the Spirit. Gal. 5:17.

No amount of change or repentance can "change" this adverse relationship.

These are two entirely different ways of viewing things. I am in the latter view

There are some failures of men that are harder to deal with alone. I can attest to wanting an understanding friend in some of my trials. And when one does admit to those failures he may find help he would not have had if he was still trying to hide them.

My own experience is that the harder I fight the bitter reality that my flesh is contrary to the Spirit, the worse the situations become.

I have given up on trying to make remedy and simply understand my condition, as entirely helpless. Other believers never tell you these things when you are first onboarded. We always figure out the bad news ourselves, afterwards, in this type of adversity and suffering.

Galatians 4:29
But as then he that was born after the flesh persecuted him that was born after the Spirit, even so it is now.

This persecution is personal. It's NOT about some other people persecuting us. Is is our own flesh, contrary to the Spirit. It is the same sight that Paul provides in Gal. 5:17

Galatians 5:17
For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

It is the same sight that caused Paul to wail, thusly:

Romans 7:24
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

It is the same sight that caused Paul to not be so happy happy either, here:

Romans 9
1 I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,
2 That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart.

and here:

Romans 8:
22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.
23 And not only they, but ourselves also,

And why is this groaning made? Because we are BOUND with the contrariness of our FLESH and GROAN to put on our eternal habitation.

"even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body."

 

[Roro1972]

It is one thing to deal with failures, weaknesses and trials. It is quite another to come under the chastisements of God. It is pointless to share this experience unless someone else can directly relate to it themselves AND know why this happens.

I know why, and showed it above. When you lead an exemplary life and THEN come into chastisements, it is quite entirely painful. And a believer can NOT escape this chastisement either, any more than Jonah could run away from God.

God can and does make life quite miserable for believers under "His chastisements" and no amounts of good works or deeds can avoid it from happening nor will any form of "repentance" cause it to cease.

We might see that Paul was "chastised" unjustly when he got his head lopped off by a Roman sword OR we could see the messenger of Satan in Paul's flesh and SEE that his death released him from that holder of his flesh, and that God was completely JUSTIFIED in that event, releasing him thusly, by allowing and even causing that event to transpire, by the resistance to the Gospel in others reacting adversely to Paul, no different than it perhaps PLEASED God to have Stephen killed by RILING UP THE DEVIL in the people that stoned him. Was it an unjust death, or did it PLEASE God to release Stephen from his own flesh in that way?

Can we maybe also see that it pleased God to have His Own Son unjustly murdered by the devils in man, and to subsequently raise Him from the dead?

You tell me. I already know the answer. It pleases God to bring His Children HOME by the adversity of death, particularly if it is done by the demonic reactions in others to the Gospel. This is the 'essence' of being a Christian martyr. The "reasons" for our own chastisements are clear enough. The flesh IS contrary to the Spirit. Gal. 5:17.

No amount of change or repentance can "change" this adverse relationship.

These are two entirely different ways of viewing things. I am in the latter view


My own experience is that the harder I fight the bitter reality that my flesh is contrary to the Spirit, the worse the situations become.

I have given up on trying to make remedy and simply understand my condition, as entirely helpless. Other believers never tell you these things when you are first onboarded. We always figure out the bad news ourselves, afterwards, in this type of adversity and suffering.

Galatians 4:29
But as then he that was born after the flesh persecuted him that was born after the Spirit, even so it is now.

This persecution is personal. It's NOT about some other people persecuting us. Is is our own flesh, contrary to the Spirit. It is the same sight that Paul provides in Gal. 5:17

Galatians 5:17
For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

It is the same sight that caused Paul to wail, thusly:

Romans 7:24
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

It is the same sight that caused Paul to not be so happy happy either, here:

Romans 9
1 I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,
2 That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart.

and here:

Romans 8:
22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.
23 And not only they, but ourselves also,

And why is this groaning made? Because we are BOUND with the contrariness of our FLESH and GROAN to put on our eternal habitation.

"even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body."

Which problems i listed in my post are you speaking of?

In your first statement it appears you are telling me I do not have problems or failures; but rather you believe I am under chastisement of God.
How can you determine this with the info I shared?

 

[smaller]

Which problems i listed in my post are you speaking of?

In your first statement it appears you are telling me I do not have problems or failures; but rather you believe I am under chastisement of God.
How can you determine this with the info I shared?

There was nothing personal toward you in that post. More like my own observations of personal chastisements as depicted in the scriptures and in retrospective, personally, of why these things happen and why they can't be avoided by any means.

I actually posted it in error here, and thought initially that it was in that other thread where someone was wondering why the blessings of God were delayed. So, my bad.

I sincerely hope and pray for Christian Empowerment to come out from under control, and be his own free person in Christ, set apart from systemic manipulations and various social various abuses.

Never let down your guard.