Do You Hop From Church To Church ?

[Lewis]

Church hopping a selfish act that hurts self, congregation
THE `ALL ABOUT ME' MENTALITY A DISTURBING RELIGIOUS TREND
By Betsy Hart
Article Launched: 07/07/2007 01:38:09 AM PDT

Church "hopping" is the ultimate "all about me" experience.

I'm not talking about church "shopping" - say, moving into a new community, or deciding to start attending church altogether, and then visiting churches until becoming a member of one as soon as reasonably possible. And I'm not talking about leaving one's church after finding un-addressed scandal in a church's leadership, for instance, or when a person's conscience becomes persuaded that something foundational to the belief system of that church is very wrong.

I'm talking about the growing tendency in America's evangelical churches for folks who decide, after they have officially joined a particular church, that "Oh, that pastor down the street is a little more high-energy than mine," or "Gee, the music here isn't really meeting my needs right now," or "I really am not crazy about that new children's church director."

They just up and leave, and go to a new church in their community.

Until they hop from that one.

Respected Christian pollster George Barna, the Christian Science Monitor and other publications, and any Protestant pastor will tell you that church hopping is an increasing and, it appears, insidious trend. Here's where I really agree with my Roman Catholic friends when they say: "You Protestants are so focused on your `personal relationship with Christ' that you forget it's not all about you."

Exactly. I see people come and go from my own (growing and vibrant)
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congregation. Sometimes I know the reason, and sometimes I don't. But I do know that every time a person who has made a public vow of membership to the church body leaves for superficial reasons, he leaves a unique hole. The departure dispirits the pastor and often the children of the congregation and other members of the body. ("Mom, how come the Joneses aren't members here anymore? I saw Mrs. Jones at the store yesterday.")

Moreover, hopping from a church when a desire, or even a real need, isn't being met in the moment means that person can't ultimately be held accountable in his religious life. He just hops if he doesn't want anyone reaching out to him.

(One of the best ways to discourage hopping, by the way, is for the receiving church to discern a hopper and encourage him to return to his home church, but there are a lot of unfortunate disincentives to doing that.)

Anyway, unlike a job, or a neighborhood, or a school - for which there might, I suppose, still be prudent reasons not to easily hop - the sentiment of Christian scripture is that, barring something extraordinary, church members really don't have a right to hop. We evangelicals in particular may like to think otherwise, but news flash: The Christian life isn't really "all about me."

We have little sense anymore that we are to join a church body and, generally speaking, submit - doesn't that word just make us cringe? - to its authority. Even when there are things that don't suit our fancy in the church. Sure, we often can and should try to change those things for what we consider the better.

Submission may even entail suffering, like dealing with conflict with other church members instead of just walking away. (But don't Christians preach that Christ's willing submission to his heavenly Father involved real suffering?)

Actually, we treat our church membership a lot like we treat our marriages. Hey, if I'm not "happy" in the moment, just move on, right? The impact on others or a pledge to something bigger than ourselves doesn't matter because "it's all about me."

The American Protestant church has, generally speaking, tragically normalized divorce and, essentially, spouse hopping. I don't know if there's cause and effect, or if church and spouse hopping are just symptoms of the same problem - our increasingly "all about me" culture.

But I do know hoppers are typically unsatisfied no matter where they hop - because perfection doesn't exist in this world.

Many churches say they are seeking to be relevant. But the way to do that isn't to accommodate or enable insidious cultural trends. It is to do what churches are called to do, and stand as a bulwark against such trends.

http://www.mercurynews.com/opinion/ci_6 ... ck_check=1

 

[Nikki]

I used to consider myself a church hopper, but I wouldn't say that I did it because it was "all about me". I would go to a church, sometimes for months, and all of a sudden, they would preach something that I didn't agree with or that I felt that the bible didn't support. For instance, I thought I had finally found our home church. We had been going for some time, when one day, I found out that they had taught my children that baptism alone saves them. I then left that church and began my search for a new church.

At another church, I eventually discovered it was full of racist individuals. The preacher was dead against interracial marriages. Two individuals could have been living the most Christian life, never having been married, saving themselves for marriage, etc....but the preacher wouldn't marry them because they were not of the same race. I do not think that God would support that kind of behavior.

My hubby and I were members of a church before we got married. Then, after we got married and during our first year of marriage, we had marital problems. We went to the preacher for counseling. He got mad because he wasn't getting anywhere with us (after one a few meetings) and he told us that there was "no hope" for us and that we should seperate. We did just that. After we got back together, we were treated poorly by everyone in that church, despite the fact that we took the preachers advice (we were young). I think that a church should do all they can to help individuals....not give up after just a few meetings. So, we left that church.

 

[Lewis]

I used to consider myself a church hopper, but I wouldn't say that I did it because it was "all about me". I would go to a church, sometimes for months, and all of a sudden, they would preach something that I didn't agree with or that I felt that the bible didn't support. For instance, I thought I had finally found our home church. We had been going for some time, when one day, I found out that they had taught my children that baptism alone saves them. I then left that church and began my search for a new church.

At another church, I eventually discovered it was full of racist individuals. The preacher was dead against interracial marriages. Two individuals could have been living the most Christian life, never having been married, saving themselves for marriage, etc....but the preacher wouldn't marry them because they were not of the same race. I do not think that God would support that kind of behavior.

My hubby and I were members of a church before we got married. Then, after we got married and during our first year of marriage, we had marital problems. We went to the preacher for counseling. He got mad because he wasn't getting anywhere with us (after one a few meetings) and he told us that there was "no hope" for us and that we should seperate. We did just that. After we got back together, we were treated poorly by everyone in that church, despite the fact that we took the preachers advice (we were young). I think that a church should do all they can to help individuals....not give up after just a few meetings. So, we left that church.

All of the above' were good reasons for leaving.

 

[Nikki]

I wish that you could find these things out from the beginning, but it's not always that easy. I don't want to go to a church and on the first day, start asking the preacher a list of 50 questions that I have about their teachings and beliefs. :

Church hopping taught me a lot, but it was also depressing because I would get so excited, thinking that I had found THE church for my family and then something like the things I posted would happen and bum me all out.

Shoot. I need to get off here. I have to leave for work in 20 minutes and I'm still in my pj's, stuffing my face with muffins, haven't brushed my teeth or anything! TTYL!

 

[Fnerb]

Never been much of a church hopper. I guess that is why I like belonging to they church / synod I do. I very much like the chuch that I am a member of. But at the same time, if I go out of town for some reason, I can be confident that if there is a WELS chruch near-by that I will not be hearing something contradictary.

 

[republitive]

I used to consider myself a church hopper, but I wouldn't say that I did it because it was "all about me". I would go to a church, sometimes for months, and all of a sudden, they would preach something that I didn't agree with or that I felt that the bible didn't support. For instance, I thought I had finally found our home church. We had been going for some time, when one day, I found out that they had taught my children that baptism alone saves them. I then left that church and began my search for a new church.

At another church, I eventually discovered it was full of racist individuals. The preacher was dead against interracial marriages. Two individuals could have been living the most Christian life, never having been married, saving themselves for marriage, etc....but the preacher wouldn't marry them because they were not of the same race. I do not think that God would support that kind of behavior.

My hubby and I were members of a church before we got married. Then, after we got married and during our first year of marriage, we had marital problems. We went to the preacher for counseling. He got mad because he wasn't getting anywhere with us (after one a few meetings) and he told us that there was "no hope" for us and that we should seperate. We did just that. After we got back together, we were treated poorly by everyone in that church, despite the fact that we took the preachers advice (we were young). I think that a church should do all they can to help individuals....not give up after just a few meetings. So, we left that church.

I feel for you!! We thougth we had found THE church...what luck on our second try...until after going for 6 months, the pastor starts preaching on speaking in tongues...well, fine, just dont' expect me to.....then one Sunday, I guess to prove some sort of point, he tells the entire congregation to stand up and speak in tonges :o !! Everyone did!!! I won't get into how I feel about speaking in tongues, but, I felt the way he did that was crazy. So we left. I could tell they didn't want us to join until we "proved" ourselves to have as much faith as they did! :o

 

[Lewis]

You can't tell people to speak in tongues that is a gift from the Holy Ghost.

 

[jgredline]

I have belonged to only three churches during 30 years of being a Christian..

 

[Nikki]

I feel for you!! We thougth we had found THE church...what luck on our second try...until after going for 6 months, the pastor starts preaching on speaking in tongues...well, fine, just dont' expect me to.....then one Sunday, I guess to prove some sort of point, he tells the entire congregation to stand up and speak in tonges :o !! Everyone did!!! I won't get into how I feel about speaking in tongues, but, I felt the way he did that was crazy. So we left. I could tell they didn't want us to join until we "proved" ourselves to have as much faith as they did! :o

Don't you just hate that? I too went to a church that spoke in tongues on command like that.
:o

 

[republitive]

You can't tell people to speak in tongues that is a gift from the Holy Ghost.

Well, I know that and you know that! :

 

[Heavenbound983]

IMHO Nikki was more church shopping than church hopping.

I've belonged to a few churches in my time. My current one is enough of a 'home' that I plan on staying until geography or death forces a move.

But I've always considered 'church hopping' to be a little different than what is described here. Non-churched individuals going for an experience without having to join anywhere, and there's nothing wrong with that!

As for more 'serious' members moving around due to what some might consider minor reasons, well, I think that if they are keeping in touch with their spirituality in a way that is right for them, what has anyone else to say about that? I really don't think we should look down on people for choosing to attend church...ANY church!

 

[Justmee]

Hello Hevenbound! Glad you're here today.

How do you reconcile the "hopper" who hops about the time they are convicted in their spirit? There's trying to find a church that fits their needs and beliefs and then there are those who attend until they feel picked on or challenged to become something more - usually by having to let go of a habit.

 

[Heavenbound983]

Hello Hevenbound! Glad you're here today.

How do you reconcile the "hopper" who hops about the time they are convicted in their spirit? There's trying to find a church that fits their needs and beliefs and then there are those who attend until they feel picked on or challenged to become something more - usually by having to let go of a habit.

What, a habit like smoking or a habit of sin? It's their choice, and if they can find a church that will accept them as they are, more power to them. It's not our place to judge, it's God's. I tend to believe there are few churches out there that will condone lying, murder, bearing false witness, coveting, and the rest of the biggies.

 

[sisterchristian]

Hello Hevenbound! Glad you're here today.

How do you reconcile the "hopper" who hops about the time they are convicted in their spirit? There's trying to find a church that fits their needs and beliefs and then there are those who attend until they feel picked on or challenged to become something more - usually by having to let go of a habit.

Exactly, Because I have found that alot of times when the pastor is speaking on something and it really convicts your heart because that person might be doing the very thing that he is speaking on. So that person will take offense to it and move from that church and then becomes a grasshopper because their not hearing anything that is making them feel good therefore they hop from church to church! I've known people like this.

 

[Justmee]

Exactly, Because I have found that alot of times when the pastor is speaking on something and it really convicts your heart because that person might be doing the very thing that he is speaking on. So that person will take offense to it and move from that church and then becomes a grasshopper because their not hearing anything that is making them feel good therefore they hop from church to church! I've known people like this.

That was my point! Guess heavenbound didn't see where I was coming from.
Yes, a church SHOULD accept you just as you are but continually encourage you to be more Christ-like every day.

 

[sisterchristian]

What, a habit like smoking or a habit of sin? It's their choice, and if they can find a church that will accept them as they are, more power to them. It's not our place to judge, it's God's. I tend to believe there are few churches out there that will condone lying, murder, bearing false witness, coveting, and the rest of the biggies.

Ye Jesus does say come as you are, but then do you continue on as you are? If so I would really question the sincerity of the person, like do they really want to change, and are they really opening their heart to accept that they are indeed a sinner in need of a saviour! or are they just going just so they can say that they went to church?

 

[tim-from-pa]

Let me tell you my story. I've been in 4 churches all my life and I'm almost 50 now. The first church my parents took me out of, so that was not my choice. The second church I stayed there from about 8 years of age until 26 when I married. Then I attended a church more of my wife's preference. I felt strong in my faith and even though this church was more liberal, I thought that maybe I could teach them a thing or two. : Long story short, we moved out and now we attend this country church since '94. It was good until about 2 years ago when we decided to split from the denomination because it was getting too liberal, but now there's personality problems with my church and I feel a tad on the outs with my pastor as well. However, I will not (just yet) up and go to another church. The grass is never greener if you know what I mean because the same problems exist elsewhere.

I always give people a try because I am very accepting and patient. If one earns my wrath, they must be a real jerk since I am easy going. For this reason, I don't just up and quit.

As for doctrine, I always believed that I am the church, along with a few that the Lord provides for fellowship. I have British-Israel beliefs, and there are a few in my church that believe this besides what the masses know. My church (as most unfortunately) do not hold those beliefs although they are tolerant of them which is one reason why I stayed (I owe them one) compared to my more evangelical/fundamental friends that dismiss the doctrine without truly thinking about the myriads of biblical evidence (they are so afraid to dig into stuff deeper it seems). At least the people where I go are more accepting.

Thus, I am hoping that one day things will work out and I will stick it out for the time-being (and maybe this spirit in me is the reason I've stayed married over 20 years as well when most people just call it quits). I still love in spite of disagreements.

 

[sisterchristian]

If you are getting FED there
If you FIT in there
If you are getting FELLOWSHIP there

The three F's; If you have them, than your good to go where your at! :D

 

[tim-from-pa]

If you are getting FED there
If you FIT in there
If you are getting FELLOWSHIP there

The three F's; If you have them, than your good to go where your at! :D

Actually yes to all three, but I get fed from my teacher, not so much the pastor, but then again who says that's all the pastor's job? The church are the people.

As for fit, personality-wise yes. I think there are many Christians that need to mature more, much more.

Fellowship---yes, from the same circle of folks that my teacher teaches in her class. But that is more selective as opposed to the entire church.

 

[Heavenbound983]

That was my point! Guess heavenbound didn't see where I was coming from.
Yes, a church SHOULD accept you just as you are but continually encourage you to be more Christ-like every day.

I did, but my answer is that if the 'sin' they've been convicted of is big enough, they will have a hard time finding a church they can join. If it is a difference of opinion as to whether or not they should be 'convicted', they SHOULD find a church that fits their view.

If they are unwilling to change and they know it's a sin, the church can't help them if they hop but maybe another one can.
If they don't think it's a sin, they should find a church that agrees with them.
I'm not saying the church shouldn't encourage what it espouses, but it shouldn't be surprised if people leave rather than repent...