Do you really love yourself?

[humble soul]

MY TESTIMONY

May 18th 1997



I am lost, confused and scared. Will I ever fit in anywhere in this life? I'm hurting, but who cares. I'm lonely and all alone within myself. I've been so used and abused. Where and when will it be my turn! Where are the open arms to hold me and hug me, to tell me I do matter in this life! Where is the voice to calm my tears of pain? I give and give, but nothing gives back in return. I'm mad and angry for what has been taken away from me! How do I go on? I search for God to answer my needs, but never get an answer.



I am a voice that cries out in the wilderness. Will no one listen! Will no one care! I feel like I am invisible at times and when I pray I feel my prayers are falling on deaf ears. I know God loves me. He has rescued me from death and destruction. He has rescued me from wanting to commit suicide. I have never opened my feelings with anyone except God. I have purged and purged until I cannot cry anymore. God has forgiven and forgot my past, how do I! I've been told I am strong and can handle my situations, guess what, I am not strong and I can't handle it anymore! Please God help me!



I am now ready to open up. I can't deal with the pain anymore. I want to let loose and completely die to myself and live for God. I'm asking for total deliverance of all the holds Satan has on me. I'm tired of fighting this on my own. I'm tired of Satan laughing at me and making me feel like nothing and always coming against me. Jesus, save me from my torment! You have called me into service and I am not ready. Lord God please perform a complete deliverance in me. Make my feet straight for what you are calling me to do. Show me how to do your will. Lord you know my heart and you know what I feel I need to do. Open that door and prepare me away.



This is the answer God gave me. When you cry out to him, he will hear you and speak to your heart. You might not like the answer he gives you, but if you really listen it is always the right answer.



11 Kings 5:10, 11

But Naaman was wroth and went away and said, Behold, I thought he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the leper.



God was showing me in the above scripture the beginning of relying solely on him and not what man could do for me. I was going from church to church trying to fit in with the people. I was trying to find answers and help for myself through the recognition of man. All that got me was more disappointment and frustration. When I learned to give myself totally over to the Lord and rely on him alone and his word is when my life completely changed for the better. Now I serve God with a glad heart and praise him for all his wonderful blessings.

That's a great testimony glory. very well written. it definitely connected.
btw ….are you suggesting that I am seeking the validation of other people instead of God?
I wasn't aware of that to be honest. maybe I am seeking praise from others without knowing. I do try to be true to myself these days, even if it gets me in trouble.
I just started this thread to see if others shared self-doubts like I do. People like you have such strong faith, they don't worry about such things I suppose. But your faith is impressive and you are being helpful. so thanks.

 

[humble soul]

Some vets want to,end it over loss of limbs,they survived when their buddy didn't ,or in my case it haunts you,you are angry,sad,have lost purpose and don't understand it.

War changes you.you hate it yet want to be there because of the brother hood .no church or job stateside can come close.you die when you leave country but you don't know it. Until one day

You've got some powerful writing going on there. sorry if I have been flippant with you in the past. Its hard to imagine what some peoples' lives are like.
My life probably sounds superficial and soft and out of touch. I am just expressing myself. Im not going to please everyone or anyone for that matter.

 

[humble soul]

Yes I love myself and I'm not afraid to be myself

so you never suffer self-doubt hells? must be an American thing

 

[Susannah]

Love your neighbor as yourself . . .

Finally, after years and years of struggle, I have learned to appreciate my good traits, tried to change my bad traits, and never given up the struggle to be better than the day before. I believe it is progress not perfection. Under these conditions I love myself. I stopped looking to others for unconditional love, and I now look to God. He still has reservations about me but he loves me anyway. Halleujah.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

so you never suffer self-doubt hells?

Nope! :D That doesn't mean that I don't like it when I make mistakes, but I still love myself for who I am.

 

[humble soul]

More soldiers die from suicide then those who have died in iraq and afghanistan

So suicide is caused by lack of self love? I thought it was to escape the pain. Psychological and emotional.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

So suicide is lack of self love? I thought it was to escape the pain. Psychological and emotional.

I think that it's probably both.

 

[humble soul]

Finally, after years and years of struggle, I have learned to appreciate my good traits, tried to change my bad traits, and never given up the struggle to be better than the day before.

If you can master self acceptance, you can master anything.

 

[humble soul]

If you can just allow me to generalise here. Americans generally speaking are good at "self'acceptance." And that is probably a better word than self-love.
My family ancestry is Irish mostly. And family culture is very much self-deprecatory humour. And part of that humour is based on low self-esteem. Its not prized to think too well of yourself.
The challenge is to get the right balance. because too high self esteem is also a problem.

 

[jasonc]

So suicide is caused by lack of self love? I thought it was to escape the pain. Psychological and emotional.

This is complicated ,with ptsd,its more then that ,you want the torment to end ,it drives you madness

 

[humble soul]

This is complicated ,with ptsd,its more then that ,you want the torment to end ,it drives you madness

so you are past caring whether you love yourself or not. you just want out,

 

[jasonc]

You've got some powerful writing going on there. sorry if I have been flippant with you in the past. Its hard to imagine what some peoples' lives are like.
My life probably sounds superficial and soft and out of touch. I am just expressing myself. Im not going to please everyone or anyone for that matter.

My dreams if I allow it will set my,course .

Today ,I had such a time ,woke up looking for some old French colony in,Louisiana because I lived in Louisiana ,vivid and included elements of my,time in. Yet I found fun in reading history

 

[jasonc]

so you are past caring whether you love yourself or not. you just want out,

Me ,no

Triggers can cause depression for days,this sets in ,no,hope,no cure only,the demons .

These push .

 

[jasonc]

Only the cross has stopped this or tamed those

 

[humble soul]

Me ,no

Triggers can cause depression for days,this sets in ,no,hope,no cure only,the demons .

These push .

My buttons were pushed yesterday. And now too anxious to sleep well.

 

[humble soul]

Only the cross has stopped this or tamed those

Your faith has saved you, in other words

 

[jasonc]

My buttons were pushed yesterday. And now too anxious to sleep well.

Dreams like man such as yesterdays mystery graveyard can be enjoyable .

Hunting,the town ,its story .or was it this morning?

 

[jasonc]

Your faith has saved you, in other words

Where shall we go,thou hast given us eternal life?

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

If you can just allow me to generalise here. Americans generally speaking are good at "self'acceptance." And that is probably a better word than self-love.
My family ancestry is Irish mostly. And family culture is very much self-deprecatory humor. And part of that humor is based on low self-esteem. Its not prized to think too well of yourself.
The challenge is to get the right balance. because too high self esteem is also a problem.

Well I guess I sort of do both then because I love myself and accept myself for who I am despite my flaws,.. and since we're told to love our neighbors as ourselves (which I do believe that was already mentioned on here a couple of times in fact) then obviously we are expected to love ourselves as well.

 

[humble soul]

Dreams like man such as yesterdays mystery graveyard can be enjoyable .

Hunting,the town ,its story .or was it this morning?

???
is my comprehension poor or do you talk in riddles?