[__ Prayer __] Don't even know where to start

[shootingstars]

Um.. I'm 8 weeks pregnant & single. I recently moved from my boyfriend's back to my mom's because he started fussing at me a lot & talking about cheating on me because I didn't feel like having sex with him as often after I became pregnant. He started saying I was just like his ex gf that he was with for 2 months 2 years ago & told her all kind of crap about me before I left, which was honestly just because of the sex. He told me about a week after I found out I was pregnant that he thinks he's a sex addict. Needless to say, he's a jerk & everyone's been telling me that since the beginning but I kept going back to him every time for the past 5 years. This is the third time I've been pregnant by him, the other two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The first time I wasn't even thinking of miscarriage. The second time I prayed constantly... I was scared of another miscarriage and I wanted that baby even if I didn't stay with the guy. (we were having problems then, too) Everyone kept telling me it wouldn't happen again... I was praying so much I guess I started believing it wouldn't happen. I had a dream that the baby came out in my hand. I told my mom about the dream & she said she thought I just dreamt that because I had been afraid of losing the baby. But the baby did come out in my hand a couple weeks later at the ER.

Ok, I know I've made bad decisions and mistakes. I've cut off all contact with my ex and I want to get back in church, I want this baby to be raised in church if everything turns out okay. The day I found out I was pregnant I kinda prayed like talking to my father... telling him that he already had enough of my babies in heaven with him so I really wanted to keep this one... I don't know if people can hear you in heaven... I haven't really prayed since the last miscarriage. It's not because I don't believe in God or anything anymore, I always will. It just seems like whatever He wants to happen is going to happen. Whether we pray or not. My mom said she was still going to pray for this baby and my grandmother called today saying she'd been praying and felt that I should place my hand over my stomach every morning and pray... but I did that last time and like I said it just seems like if God doesn't want me to have this baby it won't happen.

But today I've just felt so bad. Like I'm not going to have this baby and just the way my ex had been acting towards me. I really believed he loved me all this time and I don't anymore which may help to get over him, hopefully, but it still hurts. The doctor did an ultrasound a week ago because of my past miscarriages and she said that the baby was measuring where it should be and had a healthy heart beat and that I could breathe a sigh of relief because that brings my chance for miscarriage below 5%. She said that as long as I take my medicine & take care of myself the baby should be okay. They've got me on progesterone & baby aspirin, that's the only thing different from the other pregnancies. I lost the first baby at 8 weeks and the second was a couple days before 10 weeks... and I'm 8 weeks now so I'm scared...

I don't know, this is all probably just rambling. Everyone keeps telling me that things happen for a reason like my ex wasn't the one so that's why I had the other miscarriages. But there's a lot of people that have kids with people they don't stay with and I seriously don't think God would single me out and just do that to me. So now I'm thinking maybe I'm just not supposed to be a mother and that's why he takes them away... Maybe if you guys could pray for me? Maybe I kinda still believe in prayer and I'm just thinking it doesn't matter if I do it, I really don't know. I just feel like crap right now...

 

[Sparkey]

My son called today to wish me a happy mother's day (and I'm his dad). He might see his real mom this summer when he gets married, but then again maybe not. She left us when he was 3.

Yes, I will raise my voice to God, and cry to him for the prayer of a mother because things get so cloudy here, in the rain and the pain of mothers.

That the Lord make His face to shine upon you and yours, that He direct his loving glance to the prayer of your heart, today, Mother's Day, 2011.

~Sparrow
PS - Welcome to ChristianForums

 

[Fembot]

Shooting stars...

God is in control. We all feel down sometimes. I just pray that you will focus on you & your baby's health. Put the boyfriend in the back of your mind, eat properly, stay happy & focused on your baby. Don't think about the lost babies or what the loser is up to etc. If he's meant to be in your life he will be there for you and do the right thing. If he doesn't make you feel happy then move forward with your life. The most important thing right now is for you to be positive and think good thoughts because thoughts are powerful. Picture yourself delivering full term and holding your child alive in your hands as opposed to the other dreams and thoughts you were having. Prayer always helps you get closer to God...


Congratulations and God Bless You!!

 

[Mike]

Welcome to CFnet!

I hope you stick around for a while and find some comfort here. It sounds like you have made some bad decisions, but I think it's fair to say we all have. It seems the most important thing right now, today is that you have peace and hope in your heart. There's a lot I could say about where to find that, but for now I want you to know you have people who care and and will pray for you and your child. I can't imagine what you must be feeling beyond what you've shared, but it sounds like you have a mother who's there for you. That's a blessing.

I pray God's Peace and Strength today and tomorrow.