[__ Prayer __] flashbacks

[Christ_empowered]

My diagnosis is either severe bipolar I or schizoaffective, the manic version. I'm on an "atypical" tranquilizer, receiving disability, and living with my (kind, loving, generous) parents. I'm also having flash backs.

See, I was given heavy, involuntary shock "treatments" back in the day. I was also bashed on the head w/ a pipe on the street, raped, left to die from an untreated sleeping pill OD in a (private, for profit, rip off) mental hospital, etc.

Sometimes, I've yelled stuff. It just...gets...intense. I'm blessed to be living with my parents. I'm blessed to be alive at all, honestly. I'm even (miraculously...) physically healthy and my IQ estimate is up to snuff (another miracle, clearly).

My dad just talked to me about it. He cannot deal with it. I ask that you pray that The Lord will provide what I need to take up my plow and push forward, and just...be done. Put aside what is behind and press forward.

I...don't know what to do. Psych drugs only do so much, you know? Plus, the more pills you take, the more problems you'll develop (from the pills...), so then the more pills you'll need, and...ugh. I take a moderate dose of a newer, "atypical" tranquilizer (its the --1-- drug in this class I can take at a full dose w/o twitches, tremors, cognitive problems, intense restlessness, etc.). I also take bunches of vitamins...its called Orthomolecular. I do think the supplements help, now that The Lord has moved so much in my life. The Lord spared me, saved me, and has made me healthy, on and on it goes, --but-- I do think the high dose supplements help me get "more mileage" out of the tranquilizer, and I tolerate it better, plus I'm calmer and my dips into depression aren't nearly as severe as in years past, nor are they as frequent.

Ugh. I --am-- blessed beyond measure, that's for sure. In "the real world," people like me, definitely like who I was...do.not.matter. AT ALL (to most people). The Lord saw fit to spare and save one of the "least of these," and I am increasingly thankful.

I just...whoa. What to do? And Mental Health, Inc...not all that helpful, honestly. I like my current counselor. Its interesting. I've had better experiences w/ public/community mental health (outpatient) than I ever did w/ private practice "professionals." Thing is...

...well, a lot of this "trauma" or what have you is --from-- "treatment," and its like...they cover for each other, basically. I've had --1-- counselor, another Born Again Christian, tell me that my "treatment" was abusive and cruel. All the others...try to avoid talking about it, at all.

OK. I'm finished for now. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

I ask that you pray that The Lord will provide what I need to take up my plow and push forward, and just...be done. Put aside what is behind and press forward.

Hi Brother Christ_empowered, it's always hard to progress forward when you're constantly attempting to do it stuck in reverse; even cars don't function well in that scenario.

My dad just talked to me about it. He cannot deal with it.

Are you saying you bring the past repeatedly to him also? Not trained in psychiatry, although familiarized by your experience, he is probably at a lack as to its ultimate cure. I would also ask if you're experimenting with modifying your prescribed drugs; that would seemingly make it near impossible for your current counselor to get a handle on what you really need.

 

[jasonc]

I have had a few of those if you are having those,then seek therapy to deal with the reaction from a traumatic expercience.ptsd may be an issue.

You can learn to avoid those triggers and coping skills.

When I pUT down Cheyenne for two months I lived in that moment.I was the longest 30 seconds. I had to learn how to avoid the thinking of it.in time it's not as bad .sometimes these flash backs surface because the trauma wasNT dealt with and your mind is there ,stuck.