[__ Prayer __] forgiven...and confused...

[Christ_empowered]

The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me! When I got saved (all of 3 years 10 months ago, btw), there wasn't a whole lot left to save. Now...well, there's good in me, and that's a huge blessing from The Lord. To be fair to me, a lot of my wretchedness was just "the way the world works..."

Anyway, so The Lord is good to me, but I get down a lot. I don't know what to do about it. There's depression, which I am prone to getting, and which I do now take a treatment for, thank goodness. Then there's...whatever this is...

maybe its reality hitting, now that I've recovered from my pre-Christian life, "treatments" included? Its like...how will I get a job? Will I get a job? Will my parents ever really, genuinely forgive me? Where'd my life go?

Sin, sin, sin...it takes a toll. I think The Lord has been extra-merciful to me, as He often is...

Did I mention that I'm no longer ugly, or too girly in the face, or even prematurely aged? I know, sounds...well, vain...but its hard, being the ugly duckling. I'm not conventional looking now, but I'm not ugly and I'm not freakish looking (true story: at 23, I had a nervous breakdown and looked like an androgynous 17 year old. Weird, huh?), so...I can be at ease in society with my new face (Praise God!). That's huge.

Its just...well, I'm now bona fide mentally ill. Looking back...I mean, I was talking to myself in the halls of my High School. Something was wrong...I had a freak out when I was in the dorms at college, age 17. I thought I heard voices telling me to kill myself and that people had put video cameras in my room. I drove home, exhausted, and my dad said either go back to school or go to work at the local factory. Everybody had been cruel to me in HS, and I knew they'd be cruel to me in the factory, and...well, school seemed like a better idea. It was all downhill from there...

And now, I wonder: well, what now? Congratulations; you're receiving proper treatment and disability. But...is that the rest of my life, now? Can't complain too much. I could easily be somewhere terrible (Hell, even) right now. But...wow.

So, yeah. Me again, lol. This is part praise report (God --is-- good) and part prayer request, because...I just don't know what life is going to be like for me in the future.

Thanks.

 

[AirDancer]

Guess what, Christ_empowered: not a single one of us knows what the future will be like! We can set goals, make plans ... but what the future actually holds, we can't predict that.

So don't fret about the future. Our Lord knows which proverbial doors He'll open for you. I absolutely trust His wisdom!

 

[Angel]

Hey there!
I wonder about the future too. But I am doing this:
Making goals for the future, the ultimate goal being a college education.

First, I'm going to my classes.

Second, after I graduate I am going to volunteer for a year at least.

Third: I will be taking math classes given by the same instructor I have now. I've tried Math classes before, I NEED a tutor. I'm going to learn as high as I can. The instructor can teach up to calculous. That makes me laugh. Me... calculous? haha!

Fourth: Go to college


That's as far I as know. But its like my signature says, a race is not one long thing, but many few to get to the end of it.

 

[Eugene]

.
Brother Christ_empowered, I think I've seen you witness your aptitude and care for writing, and I have to agree. I agree with Sister AirDancer above in making plans, and you are indeed at the very threshold of the remainder of your life. What do you really want to do, your ambitions, and the value you put on achieving those goals? Write them down; you're good at it. You might begin with: LORD, how do You love me, let me count the ways.

Will you be crushed if God changes your plans in the way He leads you. I began working in aerospace at a good wage in instrumentation just being out of the Air Force full firing missiles prior to the astronauts riding them into space. One blew up taking all of our hidden site to the ground and we were laid off. I ended working at another place. Did I have thoughts of God in all this? Not one, but God knew the way He led me. I worked at piece work in a factory for three years before our wages were cut exactly in half. The week before I received notice I was offered a government position where I met Christians witnessing about Jesus. Father, are you telling me this all occurred for my good?

Dear friend, if God allows you to end up in a SSI home some day He has plans for you. If you can truly help others here with your testimony, is there the possibility your skills at communication may comfort others there? God works in us be conformed into the very image of Jesus (Rom 8:29), we are to follow Paul as he followed Christ (1 Cor 11:1).

Want to know the life Paul experienced to have God's best in 2 Cor 11:23-27, and can we really trust Jesus to have our back as he was in the fire with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in their trial of testing?
Dan 3:25 He (Nebuchadnezzar the king) answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

You're beginning to see God's complete care and love of you as He offers you His very best in the eternities to come.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

I arise today
Through a mighty strength:
God's power to guide me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's eyes to watch over me;
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to give me speech,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to shelter me,
God's host to secure me.

- First millenium - Bridgid of Gael

 

[Christ_empowered]

never mind

 

[Wrg1405]

The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me! When I got saved (all of 3 years 10 months ago, btw), there wasn't a whole lot left to save. Now...well, there's good in me, and that's a huge blessing from The Lord. To be fair to me, a lot of my wretchedness was just "the way the world works..."

Anyway, so The Lord is good to me, but I get down a lot. I don't know what to do about it. There's depression, which I am prone to getting, and which I do now take a treatment for, thank goodness. Then there's...whatever this is...

maybe its reality hitting, now that I've recovered from my pre-Christian life, "treatments" included? Its like...how will I get a job? Will I get a job? Will my parents ever really, genuinely forgive me? Where'd my life go?

Sin, sin, sin...it takes a toll. I think The Lord has been extra-merciful to me, as He often is...

Did I mention that I'm no longer ugly, or too girly in the face, or even prematurely aged? I know, sounds...well, vain...but its hard, being the ugly duckling. I'm not conventional looking now, but I'm not ugly and I'm not freakish looking (true story: at 23, I had a nervous breakdown and looked like an androgynous 17 year old. Weird, huh?), so...I can be at ease in society with my new face (Praise God!). That's huge.

Its just...well, I'm now bona fide mentally ill. Looking back...I mean, I was talking to myself in the halls of my High School. Something was wrong...I had a freak out when I was in the dorms at college, age 17. I thought I heard voices telling me to kill myself and that people had put video cameras in my room. I drove home, exhausted, and my dad said either go back to school or go to work at the local factory. Everybody had been cruel to me in HS, and I knew they'd be cruel to me in the factory, and...well, school seemed like a better idea. It was all downhill from there...

And now, I wonder: well, what now? Congratulations; you're receiving proper treatment and disability. But...is that the rest of my life, now? Can't complain too much. I could easily be somewhere terrible (Hell, even) right now. But...wow.

So, yeah. Me again, lol. This is part praise report (God --is-- good) and part prayer request, because...I just don't know what life is going to be like for me in the future.

Thanks.

Oh my precious brother in Christ. You say "there wasn't a whole lot to save" I disagree. There was an awful lot to save. That's why Jesus died for you me, for you, for the whole world. Because he loves us.

You/we have been delivered from the gates of hell. To me hell is the absence of God. You have God in your life so you have an assurance that the Holy Spirit will work in you to conform you to the image of Christ. You have the promise of God through Jesus that he will work good in your circumstances.

Sin, sin, sin does take its toil, but Jesus died for our sins, God promised to remember them no more, remove them as far as the East is from the West, bury them in the deepest oceans that he himself created.

We need to take our focus of our sins and let's be honest that focus is mainly on sins that we have committed. The sins of years ago, yesterday an hour ago. When we focus on sin we lose focus on Jesus, when we lose focus on Jesus life spirals out of control. Jesus wants us to focus on him to preach and walk the Gospel. Forgiveness of sins and reconciliation to the father.

He has plans for you, they are good plans. He will lead you on a level path and one that you will not stumble on. Trust him to hold your hand whilst walking on that path cause he is walking it with you.

You mention ugly duckling.

There once was an ugly duckling
With feathers all stubby and brown
And the other birds said in so many words said
Quack!
Get out of town
Get out, get out, get out of town
And he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack
In a flurry of eiderdown
That poor little ugly duckling
Went wandering far and near
But at every place they said to his face
Now get out, get out, get out of here
And he went with a quack and a waddle and a quack
And a very unhappy tear
All through the wintertime he hid himself away
Ashamed to show his face, afraid of what others might say
All through the winter in his lonely clump of wheat
Till a flock of swans spied him there and very soon agreed
You’re a very fine swan indeed!
A swan? Me a swan? Ah, go on!
And he said yes, you’re a swan
Take a look at yourself in the lake and you’ll see
And he looked, and he saw, and he said
I am a swan! Wheeeeeeee!
I’m not such an ugly duckling
No feathers all stubby and brown
For in fact these birds in so many words said
The best in town, the best, the best
The best in town
Not a quack, not a quack, not a waddle or a quack
But a glide and a whistle and a snowy white back
And a head so noble and high
Say who’s an ugly duckling?
Not I!
Not I!

No longer are you an ugly duckling. But a beautiful swan. Yes you are a swan. Hold your head up high. You are a noble. You must be because your a son of the king, the most high king.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks...that was a really profound reply. I'll come back to it a couple times to fully absorb it.

I think that The Lord has some kind of work for me to do, which would explain why He's spared me. I'm blessed. My people love and protect me, and even though my community is often hostile towards me...I've been changed, by Jesus Himself. That's huge.

Looking back, I don't think I was allowed, by the world, to become who Jesus wanted me to be, use the raw material I'd been given, etc. My people were working class, bohemian intellectuals for most of my childhood. In The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), that means...you get to be working class when you grow up, maybe. nothing wrong with that, but...I made the mistake of going to college, the shrinks got involved, and...big mess. "nothing personal" Yeah, it was just my life, pre-Jesus.

Now, I think...well, I'm more and more who I really am in Christ. Turns out, I'm smart and write well. Turns out, I have sufficient social skills. Turns out, some people do like me. Turns out, I may need meds, but I'm not all that "crazy." Turns out, my people --do-- care and --do-- love me...always did. They had problems, too, living and working in a sick, materialistic, backwards community, filled with hypocritical church people and affluent people who expect the rest of us to "know your place in society." Ahhhh, the south.

Thanks again for the reply, Wrg.

 

[Wrg1405]

Ahhhh, the south

Ahhhh the world.

The world will try to dictate who we are, what we are and try to define us.
Most important thing is that we all remember and cling onto how God defines us.

His precious child.

Our past does not have to define/dictate us when we place our faith in Jesus. That's been dealt with.

His purpose now is to define and dictate your future, for you and as a result others will see it. He will use your past to do it and help others with a similar past.