Forgiving a Cheater

[calichick001]

Hello all,

I've never been on here, but I figured a Christian forum would be much better than asking random people for advice.
Anyway, to give a bit of background... about 1 1/2 ago I found out my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years was cheating on me and I left him. We haven't spoken since. He was not a Christian. Surprisingly enough (to me), this made me closer to God.
About 3 - 4 months later, I got into another relationship. He claimed to be Catholic and his parents, especially his mom is religious and such. Well, he was a pilot and the airline industry is SOOO hard to be in (I'm in it). It's a great place to sin and be tempted. Anyway, he also ended up cheating on me. He didn't have sex with the other girl but he did kiss her and flew 3,000 miles to see her. I ALWAYS find out the truth. I get these weird feelings when things aren't right. I never have much to go on, but a hunch. Once I get these feelings I try to put things together. I'm usually about 95% correct. I often say it's as though God comes down and inserts the entire storyline into my head. It's amazing! Do you think it's God telling me?
With all this in mind I have three questions:
1) Why does this keep happening to me? I'm SO afraid that this is all I'll ever get and it's a huge disappointment because I'm not a bad girlfriend or person. It's so scary!
2) Can people change? ---- At first my ex (the most recent one) was so mean to me. He listed all the things I did wrong. Which wasn't very good. It mostly involved not wanting to do sexual things with him. We did have sex (that's a sin, I know), but it didn't feel great. It was like I was just an object, so naturally I didn't want it much.
So, after about a week he claimed to have found God. He claims that he walks in His light. In an effort to understand why he did what he did and move on, I spoke with him in person. He wrote down a list of all the things he did to hurt me and read them to me. He is volunteering (but I know the Bible says not to let the right hand see what the other is doing, right?). It kinda sucks to be hurt for the benefit of that person. I should be happy if this is true. But I guess what I'm really asking is... do you think he's really found God? Should I continue to talk to him (not as a girlfriend)? I don't know what God wants me to do.
3) How do I forgive these two men? It's SO hard! It makes me so angry to think of what they did. The pictures in my head! It hurts so bad!

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[heather]

The first step to change is admitting you have a problem. You've done that. You know you've sinned and so you need to repent (which means change the way you think and act, not simply telling God you sinned). Next, you should realize that forgiveness and anger are two different things. Last night, my husband and I had a misunderstanding. While I apologized for it and he just brushed me off, I forgave him for his part even though I was still angry. Forgiveness is a choice we make, not an emotion. Remember, God only forgives us as we forgive others. I'm sorry this is so short, but I need to get ready for work.

 

[Timf]

1) Why does this keep happening to me?
2) Can people change?
3) How do I forgive these two men?

The Christian has an advantage in relationships. Having the indwelling Spirit of Truth within us gives us greater discernment (assuming the Christian is walking by the Spirit). It is possible to avoid more people who are destructive because we are being guided by the Lord. If you are not a Christian you should become one. If you are a Christian you should surrender yourself (Romans 12:1-2, 2 Corinthians 5:15).

People seldom change unless the transforming power of God is allowed to make them a new creation.

The ability to forgive is a result of the knowledge of what we have been forgiven in Christ. I suspect that Christians that meet each other in heaven will suddenly be aware of not only the things they did wrong to each other, but the things they failed to do right. However, overshadowing all this will be the radiant light of the forgiveness we have in Christ.

If you want a loving, faithful, and good Christian husband, you should ask the Lord to make you a woman worthy of such a man.

Don't confuse church activity with Christianity. Real Christianity is becoming like Jesus.