ClosertoEden7
Member
Its been weeks now since ive been feeling the loss of sense of purpose in my Christian walk, where can i possibly begin since there are so many marks to point out.
The confusion on what God is doing or trying to do and how his will is going to work out in my life. Im kind of starting to lose vision of that.
Since everything i try to do either never works or im just unable to complete it to the finish. I notice that pattern in my family. So i cant really tell what God wants me to do anymore, or where he wants to lead me, ive been going in this cycle for months and im just so tired of it. My patterns are the same, its like a firework, theres a spark, and a loud bang with alot of noise and then it dies, then its back into passivity, at times i slip even further into it, and then thats a time where a period or pattern of sin takes place. What is happening?
Ive noticed this pattern happening, with no explanation. Ive never seen it before. Is this some kind of curse over my life? I try to serve the Lord and most of the time unsuccessful with even that. Other brothers and sisters have no idea what im even dealing with and sometimes even ask whats wrong. Because ive been going on this up and down roller coaster in my walk with God for a period of time.
All i want to do is be 100% devoted to Jesus and fulfill my calling and not be like that wicked and lazy servant who hid his talent, going back to that parable it makes me even question am i even worthy of Jesus and his kingdom, or should i just bury my head in shame because ive failed him so many times. I feel like ive rejected Jesus' call so many times, is it even possible for me to have a normal Christian walk. I sometimes even go into Church and am tortured by thoughts and am vexed in my spirit, but i see that everybody else it is so easy for them to worship in spirit and in truth, so it makes me question, what is wrong with me? Has all this come about from my former rejection of Jesus?
I also see major passivity in action in my family. Passive mind, spirit, and will. Ive been prayed over so many times to no avail. Ive sought deliverance twice, to no avail. With the hope that i would receive deliverance, i didnt. I got half way into the process, but never got to actually start. And the time where i was suppose to go to this special program for help that i wasnt receiving here, to help me get on schedule, counseled by other believers who run the houses, and helped, to go to school there, and probably be an example to the other kids there, and to help them. Im frustrated and disappointed, because i know God has much more for me than this. Is God holding back from me?
I have little to no friends, barely any support because people are tired of hearing the same thing coming from me that im dealing with. I push other brothers and sisters away when im not as close to them as i want to be.
I feel like the Book of Lamentations, my whole lifes been a great lamentation. Will i cry till i have nothing left, nothing but this, responsibility when i dont even know where to go or how long it will take?
As what Proverbs 13:12 says - Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.
My hopes been deferred long, and my heart is sick. God forgive me for writing this, but this is how im feeling.
The confusion on what God is doing or trying to do and how his will is going to work out in my life. Im kind of starting to lose vision of that.
Since everything i try to do either never works or im just unable to complete it to the finish. I notice that pattern in my family. So i cant really tell what God wants me to do anymore, or where he wants to lead me, ive been going in this cycle for months and im just so tired of it. My patterns are the same, its like a firework, theres a spark, and a loud bang with alot of noise and then it dies, then its back into passivity, at times i slip even further into it, and then thats a time where a period or pattern of sin takes place. What is happening?
Ive noticed this pattern happening, with no explanation. Ive never seen it before. Is this some kind of curse over my life? I try to serve the Lord and most of the time unsuccessful with even that. Other brothers and sisters have no idea what im even dealing with and sometimes even ask whats wrong. Because ive been going on this up and down roller coaster in my walk with God for a period of time.
All i want to do is be 100% devoted to Jesus and fulfill my calling and not be like that wicked and lazy servant who hid his talent, going back to that parable it makes me even question am i even worthy of Jesus and his kingdom, or should i just bury my head in shame because ive failed him so many times. I feel like ive rejected Jesus' call so many times, is it even possible for me to have a normal Christian walk. I sometimes even go into Church and am tortured by thoughts and am vexed in my spirit, but i see that everybody else it is so easy for them to worship in spirit and in truth, so it makes me question, what is wrong with me? Has all this come about from my former rejection of Jesus?
I also see major passivity in action in my family. Passive mind, spirit, and will. Ive been prayed over so many times to no avail. Ive sought deliverance twice, to no avail. With the hope that i would receive deliverance, i didnt. I got half way into the process, but never got to actually start. And the time where i was suppose to go to this special program for help that i wasnt receiving here, to help me get on schedule, counseled by other believers who run the houses, and helped, to go to school there, and probably be an example to the other kids there, and to help them. Im frustrated and disappointed, because i know God has much more for me than this. Is God holding back from me?
I have little to no friends, barely any support because people are tired of hearing the same thing coming from me that im dealing with. I push other brothers and sisters away when im not as close to them as i want to be.
I feel like the Book of Lamentations, my whole lifes been a great lamentation. Will i cry till i have nothing left, nothing but this, responsibility when i dont even know where to go or how long it will take?
As what Proverbs 13:12 says - Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.
My hopes been deferred long, and my heart is sick. God forgive me for writing this, but this is how im feeling.
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