[__ Prayer __] gettin' nervous...

[Christ_empowered]

My parents will soon be leaving for an 8 day vacy. They need to get away (!!!), so I'm glad they're going. I'll be staying here, taking care of the dogs, cats, plants, etc.

Problem is...well, I'm already getting nervous. I mean, I'm 31 (!!), soon I'll be 32. I've lived alone before I had my nervous breakdown and...well, now things are different. I'm not well-liked around here (to put it mildly...) and the neighbors tend to give me a hassle. Some people have been in the yard. My dad's tool box went missing a while back. A neighbor's house was broken into a while ago...

Plus, like I said, I'm not well-liked around here. People yell out things so I can hear them even inside. The last time my parents were briefly out of town, people got in the yard, late at night, and yelled stuff. Its crazy.

I'm a "mental patient," a "trouble maker," and everyone around here assumes/thinks I have a Felony. In other words...stigma. I'm buried in stigma, lol. The truth, of course, is that I'm now completely different, and I only got saved (for realsies this time) 3 1/2 years ago. I'm in recovery, I'm not really a "trouble maker" (I get along well with most people, including those in charge of my treatment...), and I was actually convicted of a (serious, class a) misdemeanor, not a felony. But...nobody talks to me, and they wouldn't believe me if they did talk to me about these things...beause I'm "Schizophrenic" (actual diagnosis: Bipolar I).

I'm happy that my parents are going to get their vacay and all, but...I'm getting nervous. The neighbors have been yelling about "warrants" even before I moved back in with my people, going on 3 1/2 years ago. These days, they still yell about me getting arrested, "warrants," "serve the warrant," and probation violations.

Ugh. On the plus side, I get to have run of the house for a week and 1 day, so that's kinda cool....I guess, lol. I think it'll be kinda lonely. My 1 local friend is out of the country right now, and I don't think she'll be free to hangout while my parents are gone. Oh well. That leaves me with the little house dogs and the cats...not bad, not bad.

I'm trying to get over thinking worst case scenario. I was thinking, last nite...what if I get arrested? What then? Or...what if they harass me, or I lock myself out of the house, or my car breaks down, or...? See where I'm going with this? Its almost as if I've never lived alone, lol.

My parents always leave money, and they're leaving a credit card with a small balance on it in case something terrible happens and I need plastic. They're even going to stock the fridge and freezer with all kindsa goodies. Realistically, this isn't a bad situation. I just feel...vulnerable, I suppose...and I don't like that.

I appreciate your prayers and any advice, insights, etc. you may have. Thanks.

 

[Angel]

Praying for ya

 

[Eugene]

Dear Brother CE, put you complete trust in Him who has brought you this far; He will never fail or forsake you. If you have any trouble at all, call the police for their help and keep you out of the fracas. Call you friend Vera when you want immediate fellowship and comfort. Blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks. I think...I think and hope it'll be OK. Its strange...its a decent, small town neighborhood, but these neighbors just love messing with me...they can be loud, too. Oh well.

You're right. Especially since I have a misdemeanor, not a felony, I should be able to call the police if things get crazy.

 

[AirDancer]

Prayers continue.............

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks for all the prayers+support. I appreciate it.

Ugh. Its crazy....my life is 1000% better and eaiser, more comfortable, than it could be, would be, without Christ, than it was before Christ...but life always has challenges, doesn't it? I go outside, the neighbors sometimes yell about me, "probation violations" and such. I dunno. They think/assume/believe I have a felony and all, so I guess it make sense to them...or maybe they just love messing with a vulnerable person in the community. I dunno.

My parents will only be gone 8 days. Not too shabby for a lil vacay, but not so long that anything terrible can happen (I hope+pray....). I keep thinking: what if...? Here's one thing about becoming lucid after having been out of it for a long time (oddly enough, in my case, largely because of psychiatric "treatment"): with lucidity comes a sense of dread, of trepidation, of...well, I don't live in a fairy land now. The fairy land was terrible, trust me, but I could float through life...now, I have to start living consciously, and that's not always easy.

Thanks again.