[__ Prayer __] Gratitude 🙏

[Christ_empowered]

I have a quiet modest meaningful life…

Because of Jesus Christ. My parents are amazing and I’m glad that Jesus Christ has worked in our lives as a family.

It’s dawning upon me that I can’t change the world . At 40 years old I am healthy and smart and remarkably normal in important ways…

And I really do see that people around me would rip me to shreds all over again given the opportunity. This isn’t a pity party it’s just…my situation.

I don’t know the underlying reasons why I seem to be known or at least recognized by so many people. Just today I had a minor thing happen in a chain store . Nothing major just some unnecessary stuff but…

I get it or I’m starting to. I would probably be homeless if it wasn’t for my parents especially mama. My dad has warmed up to me a lot as I’ve stayed out of trouble and adulted a good bit and…

Honestly?!? One big blessing is that I’m not flamboyantly gay and effeminate. I’m not heterosexual but I’m also not off putting etc. I think that’s made a huge difference in my relationship with my dad .

I’m not able to do much in the community. I have a serious misdemeanor on my record but the bigger issue seems to be having been ripped to shreds labeled and on the fringes of society when I could have been working or going to school or…?

Gratitude

God has seen fit to redeem me and bring deliverance in my life. People often insist on treating me as a complete non entity but it’s ok

I get confused about the whole thing sometimes, like the way my earning potential and social identity seem to have been deliberately damaged by my former so called friends….

In Christ I have a new identity and a new life. Since I’ve been spared a felony I have more breathing room than most people would after a life like mine.

I do get nervous at times. God is Good. Perfect love casteth out all fear. Fret not because of evil doers. And…

In Christ I can obey these and other vital commands. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.

Thanks

 

[follower]

Keep on maintaining your testimony of Jesus; letting Jesus maintain your life in all ways. It is good.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Another day in my new life in Christ…

No drama ! Awesome

Some lady yelled at me while I was driving through the neighborhood. She was walking her dog . Nothing special! And I’m like…who are you? lol

I’m ever more thankful for my parents and their kindness. I’m not living luxuriously but I’m living a modest lifestyle that to me is plenty comfortable.

So I’m beginning to suspect that whatever mental illness is some kind of predisposition to severe mental illness is running on both sides of my family. I’m generally mellow but unable to work…I hear voices especially when there are muffled sounds around me. Eek sounds bad but I generally deal ok .

A cousin is not so fortunate and has to deal with the legal system and the psychiatric system with a label of severe bipolar 1. That cousin has very limited resources and…

Yeah. My parents are not rich but they have sufficient resources and status for me to stay free and be in voluntary outpatient treatment. I’m gonna be honest and say I didn’t handle poverty well at all. But is that the cause of my schizophrenia? And if so shouldn’t I be healed by now?

Rambling…

Like I said living a modest lifestyle and enjoying life in Christ. I’m considering making pasta tonight.

 

[follower]

I’m gonna be honest and say I didn’t handle poverty well at all. But is that the cause of my schizophrenia? And if so shouldn’t I be healed by now?

Various things may or may not effect a diagnzes of schiz, but there's not specific test, per se - it is very arbitrary. The main known effecter before 1950 was poor nutrition, and it was at that time easily remedied legally by licensed doctors and others helping people. Simply knowing what to do made all the difference in the world.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thank you .

I take loads of b vitamins and antioxidants in addition to the atypical tranquilizer. Honestly? I do think atypical drugs are easier to tolerate than the old ones but…

Without the supplements I’d just be tranquilized not really recovering. I also don’t think I’d tolerate my atypical very well because I’ve always been prone to movement disorders and drug induced depression.

 

[Christ_empowered]

A lot of this seems to be a reaction to God’s work in my life. This is to be expected.

I get creeped out by how cruel people are now because I’m thinking hey I’m reasonably well dressed and I keep a low profile and I don’t know many people so this can’t go on indefinitely right? Well…wrong apparently lol

But then I take a moment to step back. In the eyes of the world I’m just a mental patient and a mental patient with a record at that. I mean…

I got my plea deal so no felony no jail time but it’s the real world I have a record and I’m regarded as a mental patient. If anything….

And I hate this part of it…

Me having anything being anything even thinking hey maybe there’s more to me than being a mental patient…

Is unacceptable possibly infuriating. Did I mention that I also have HIV? I’ve never been offered any treatment and certainly never had antiretrovirals but by God’s grace I’m healthy now probably over 20 years into being infected. I’m 40 btw.

So once again: God is Good. People…not so much…

 

[Christ_empowered]

Bearing up with under what is coming my way is…

Challenging to a point. I have been trying to make sense of it when I should have been turning to Jesus Christ and just being here dealing with it and being conformed to Christ through it.

Lesson learned? I’ll probably get another round of random harassment and verbal intimidation tonight lol so I have another opportunity to handle it correctly.