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Have you forgiven your childhood bullies?

J

jahjahwarrior

Guest
I have been very heavily bullied throughout almost my entire childhood. In fact, my childhood was a pure living hell because of the way I was treated by everyone. It's like I was a walking punching bag with a target on my back. I've been through physical abuse, verbal abuse, total humiliation, vicious rumors (one even sexual in nature), manipulation, and getting detention for things that either I didn't do or were not my fault. For instance, one time in 7th grade, this kid from my class decided for no reason to start punching me in the head over and over. I didn't even hit the guy back once. I just covered my head to avoid as much of the blows as possible. My teacher breaks it up and gives us both detention. What the hell did I do wrong to deserve detention???!!! I was the victim, but yet got the same treatment as my attacker!!! The bullying didn't just come from classmates, but teachers were also a big contributor as well and I even once rode a school bus where the driver and the bus aid encouraged the hostility towards me. Even kids from my youth group at church were just as mean and cruel as any unsaved kid from any secular school. I have gone through things that would drive the average human being to drug/alcohol abuse, suicide, a long stay at a psychiatric ward and/or a shooting rampage. If it weren't for my faith in God, my high school would've gone through a school shooting so horrific, it would make the 1999 Columbine school shooting look like a Sunday school picnic. And growing up in a Christian home, I was taught not to fight or retaliate, so I just took the abuse like a coward. Looking back though, I wish I had reacted to my bullies with more violence. If not a firearm, then at least beat them endlessly with a baseball bat until they suffer massive head injuries and bleed to death. If I had at least stood up for myself and threw more punches back, then I might've gotten more respect from people. Many people (both children and adults) believe that the after effects of bullying magically go away the instant you graduate from high school and can start keeping your distance from your enemies. But sadly, far too many people fail to realize that bullying instills long term effects that last well into adulthood and sometimes even last a lifetime. I am 33 years old now, and to this day I am bitter towards the countless number of people who have made my life a living hell over the years. It has made me a misanthropist. In addition, the bullying has done countless damage to my self confidence and self worth which has taken me years to emotionally recover from. The bullying and the emotional recovery from it is over 20 years of my life I will never get back. I know we're supposed to "love our enemies and forgive them" blah blah blah. But quite frankly, I hate those maggots who abused me with the burning passion of hell itself. I will never forgive them and I wish nothing but bad things on those worthless pieces of trash. I wish them cancer, diseases, poverty, misery and things so horrible, it drives them to overdose on pills and blow their brains out. I would love to round up every one of those maggots into a concentration camp and give them a taste of their own medicine. Just the thought of their existence means about as much to me as a huge pile of moldy dog vomit infested with maggots.




*insert judgmental comment here*__________________________________
 
Yeah? What about them? They can all die for all I care.
 
Yes, but for people like myself who spent almost their entire life as "walking punching bags" it's a lot easier said than done.
 
jahjahwarrior said:
Yes, but for people like myself who spent almost their entire life as "walking punching bags" it's a lot easier said than done.
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True. Very true.

I was harassed relentlessly, abused, threatened, and violated from the age of six until my early twenties. I suffer PTSD as a result. Forgiveness seems nearly impossible, but it is possible. I began by going to therapy to manage the symptoms of PTSD in my life, and worked my way out from there.
 
Hummm, that kind of makes the future a little bleak.... "The way we judge others is the way we're gonna be judged." (paraphrased to make it easier to understand)
 
jahjahwarrior said:
Yes, but for people like myself who spent almost their entire life as "walking punching bags" it's a lot easier said than done.
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It is easier said than done brother. However, we are to have the mind of Christ, and He didn't get a grudge when they scourged Him and crucified Him. So as much as it hurts...we have to try.

Reminds me of a saying I once heard; "Just because they're (Pre-edited, lol) doesn't mean that I have to be"
It's all pride brother. We have to set pride aside. Jesus did.
 
Edward said:
It is easier said than done brother. However, we are to have the mind of Christ, and He didn't get a grudge when they scourged Him and crucified Him. So as much as it hurts...we have to try.

Reminds me of a saying I once heard; "Just because they're (Pre-edited, lol) doesn't mean that I have to be"
It's all pride brother. We have to set pride aside. Jesus did.
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Luke 23:34 Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”[a]
 
I can relate but I was set free when I forgive those whom I hated.we are commanded to forgive, do it for yourself and not them. they may have changed and when you approach them and tell them what they did was wrong and you forgive them.it may save their soul.
 
DarkWalker said:
If you "pull the trigger," so to speak (or literally), they win. They wanted to destroy your life, and hating them proves they've succeeded. Learning to forgive them in spite of your emotions shows them you're stronger than they are.
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Well said Dark :)
 
jasonc said:
I can relate but I was set free when I forgive those whom I hated.we are commanded to forgive, do it for yourself and not them. they may have changed and when you approach them and tell them what they did was wrong and you forgive them.it may save their soul.
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Exactly.Do it for yourself.To keep the bitterness from eating you up.You never have to see them again.
 
Kathi said:
Exactly.Do it for yourself.To keep the bitterness from eating you up.You never have to see them again.
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I befriended a woman whom hurt me real bad. I liked her but she crushed me. I hated her. I told her mother whom then told her and this was after I forgive her but I didn't tell her. she simply didn't know she hurt me that bad. her son, now without a dad, grandmother and mother is a friend of mine as well.i used to play with him when he was young. he dad rejected him. his mother the woman I cared for died four years after I told her of that. her mother died last year. when the grandmother died, it left the son with few family left.
 
jasonc said:
I can relate but I was set free when I forgive those whom I hated.we are commanded to forgive, do it for yourself and not them. they may have changed and when you approach them and tell them what they did was wrong and you forgive them.it may save their soul.
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I have prayed for those that bullied me, I hated, and many of them are saved.
 
Kathi said:
What about the adult bullies that we are dealing with now?
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Those are the tough ones, I agree. My childhood bullies, I can't even remember. It's the current supposedly grownup ones that are hard to forgive (though I do). Ultimately, I feel sorry for them. I can see Satan working his fingers through their lives, and they remain unaware how they're being played.
 
KevinK said:
Those are the tough ones, I agree. My childhood bullies, I can't even remember. It's the current supposedly grownup ones that are hard to forgive (though I do). Ultimately, I feel sorry for them. I can see Satan working his fingers through their lives, and they remain unaware how they're being played.
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Our life is full of adult bullies.Do children bullies grow up to be adult bullies?I think there are many people in their place of employment who deal with bullies.
 
Gary said:
I'm amazed by how many people don't understand that.
.
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I've always thought it was kind of plain and straightforward. I mean, the theme of forgiveness is woven all through the scriptures.
 
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