Hello. I'm new here. I struggled to answer the question in registration of whether I'm a Christian or not. I chose "no" because I don't want to claim something that I don't fully identify with.
I was raised Roman Catholic and attended church fairly consistently until I was 10 years old but outside of church was not raised in a loving family with true Christian values. I was in a very abusive household and asked God to help me. I prayed a lot. The help never came, instead life got worse & I felt betrayed and unloved by God so I lost my trust in God. In my early 30's I started to actively seek deeper connection again and turned to various sources including ancient shamanic practices, plant medicines, "new age" and so on. I received guidance but still felt alone and isolated in that world. I have recently been guided to follow Christ's teachings and have read small sections of the Bible, listened to some bible studies and sermons online. I'm feeling very confused through this time, because I truly don't know how to trust God.
I have been ill most of my life in addition to everything else and have now become disabled and am not working and do not have a support system. I am alone most of the time and struggle intensely with social anxiety, so most of my social interaction and learning is online now. I just want to heal. I feel I was born into such an abusive isolating situation and fell into mental bondage and have not been able to break free whether I follow Christ or not.
When I look at the state of the world right now, the cults popping up, the chaos, racial tensions, violence, pollution, disease and everything in the world I feel hopeless. I'm glad to have found this forum and hope to make some friends here. That is my story so far. I pray for transformation in my life, on the deepest level. Thank you.
