How can anyone possibly "use" God??? I don't get why people say that!!!

[Christ4Life]

I've been dating the same woman for 12 years, up until about 3 weeks ago. I planned on marrying this woman, but that's on the back-burner as she's now "temporarily" called off the relationship. I am a christian, not perfect yet in my walk but growing closer and closer to the Lord and working to get my heart, mind and spirit consistent in my everyday life. She calls herself a christian as well, just so you all know.
We still live together, and she always says she still loves me and this isn't the end of us, but since we've have broken up she now dolls herself up with make up and tight clothing to go places (without me, of course) all the time and getting her to be transparent and forthright with what's going on is like pulling teeth. Feeling purposely deceived and out-right lied to -I remind her to keep reading her bible and studying the scripture, and sometimes point out that lying and hiding things and being secretive the way she is, doesn't make things look good. The response I get to this is like I just told her she's the ugliest woman on earth or something! She also is very, very quick to say back to me, and I quote- "You're just trying to use God to make me out to be a bad person and obligate me to tell you everything". The first time I heard her say this to me I recoiled in horror like a demon was standing there speaking out of her mouth!
I think to myself, How can anybody possibly USE God??? To the beast of my understanding God has always used US - it makes no sense to say that a person could manipulate their own creator...especially when she could just as easy go grab one of the many bibles we have and check what I'm saying and find it in there over and over again. What would make a christian ever say that to a fellow brother or sister in Christ?? Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says that "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." So I mean, if I were to slip too far into the world, I hope she would do exactly the same! To me that would be a good thing! But she claims I'm trying to "use God to keep her from doing whatever she wants to do". What would make a person that calls the Lord is their Savior say such a thing in response to hearing the scripture concerning their actions? Even if the person intends the best good and isn't approaching in a preachy-down-your-throat manner??? She wasn't like this before. What's going on with her???

Please help...
All replies welcomed and may God Bless.

 

[Samson]

I completely understand your partner & I think She is right.You should defenately work on relation, but without judging her sins. That's between her & God

 

[Knotical]

I have to ask, if you are a Christian then why are you living with a woman you are not married to, or related to? The first thing I would suggest is to move out. Second, I have to wonder why you have been dating her for so long. As a Christian there really is no purpose for dating other than to discover if the person you are dating is someone you are going to want to spend the rest of your life with, which is something you should know within a few months of starting to date.

 

[Bfnaught]

If you were dating and living together, then I will take a small leap and assume that you were sexually active as well. So it appears that you are both okay with not keeping the marriage bed sacred. Are you afraid she is going out and being sexually immoral with someone else? Since you guys are broken up you are no longer her boyfriend, but her roommate. I don't think her not telling you where she is going is her lying to you, I don't see how she owes you an explanation.

As for "using God" it does appear that you are using scripture not for her overall well being, but to satisfy your curiosities. I understand how she could question your intentions.

 

[Bfnaught]

So it appears that you are both okay with not keeping the marriage bed sacred. Are you afraid she is going out and being sexually immoral with someone else?

This came across really "judgey". I totally didn't mean for it to. I was just making some quick assumptions to try to fill in the gaps and put I all together in my head. My apologies.

 

[Samson]

When I said,''She is right'' I meant only ''using god'' part. Which was in the title & the whole point of your questioning. Otherwise I'm not taking sides. I think that relation has no future so maybe you should end it and move on.
I guess it's hard to imagine how telling people what bible sais can be un-appropriate , but in this context,She has a point. Telling her to stop lying, harming relation,hurting feelings...is one thing,but there's a big difference saying ''bible sais''. Lie or sin,harming your relation or relation with god, hurting your feelings or going against god. If everything She does is wrong, You shouldn't call it sin when you argue about your relation. You are doing exactely what She sais."use God to keep her from doing whatever she wants to do"

 

[Christ4Life]

I see the "not-married yet" part being a problem. I didn't put this in the og post to keep it sort of short. Looking at it it's still long, but...

I was married once already, at 23, and it only lasted 5 years and the woman tore my insides to shreds. I tried to off myself, and had it not been for a woman driving by and her headlights spotting me behind a building late at night, I might not be here. She thought it suspicious and called the cops on me. When they arrived, the cat was outta the bag. I spent a month in a psych ward after all was said and done.

Never wanting to go thru any of that again, I said I'd be more cautious and wait longer to reeeeally know the person. I was just super terrified of getting done wrong and hurt again. This is why marriage hasn't happened yet in this relationship, and she knows all this. Over the last 6 months tho, it's been weighing on me heavy to "righten" things up. I firmly believe The lord has been working on me to get it together. His mercy is good and endureth forever. So many things I used to be into and ways of being have just fallen away. She's actually seemed to go in the other direction, ironically. She used to be very modest, simple, studying the word and just lovely. Gardening, making creative useful things and patterning herself after the Bible's description of the "virtuous woman". Now it's all about trends and makeup and jewelry and going out and being secretive about everything; being like the people on tv reality shows and whatever - a total 180 and not necessarily for the better, if I may humbly say. I just kind of remind her of what used to already be important to her, not "bible thumping" in her face.

 

[Hammer]

When you're "living in sin" an appeal to godliness does sound like "using God."

 

[Bfnaught]

When you're "living in sin" an appeal to godliness does sound like "using God."

Dang it Hammer. All my wordiness got in way earlier. That is exactly the point I was trying to make. Thanks for conciseing (is that a word?) it up for me. Well put.

 

[Christ4Life]

When you're "living in sin" an appeal to godliness does sound like "using God."

Can you elaborate? Not understanding how you mean this. So by your logic, if someone falls away from their Walk, are reminded of The Way, the one doing the reminding is "using" God? I mean, say, if when i was younger, and pretty much a good kid that believed Jesus came in the flesh to die for my sins and rose on the 3rd day - and then suddenly I started using drugs and lying (or anything else one could easily say is not a good way to live) to my friends and loved ones, and they were to point me back to scripture to remind me of what is really important an what I seemingly turned my back on - then they are "using" God to open my eyes??? Like I said earlier, I hope that is exactly what they would do!!! Forcing and finger wagging is one thing, but not saying anything and leaving them 'free' to stumble in the dark sounds like indifference to me. If someone is lost it seems to me the best thing anyone could do is point them in the right direction...or at least to Something that contains the right directions, and let God handle the rest I guess....whether coming from a priest or a street bum. My grandmother did this in regards to us two being together, and since she was right about it(and I knew it too), then I'd be hard pressed to label it as "using God" to hopefully line me up with the proper way that things should have been done in the first place. I'm still a Babe, so forgive me if I can't make complete sense of that.

 

[Bfnaught]

Can you elaborate? Not understanding how you mean this. So by your logic, if someone falls away from their Walk, are reminded of The Way, the one doing the reminding is "using" God? I mean, say, if when i was younger, and pretty much a good kid that believed Jesus came in the flesh to die for my sins and rose on the 3rd day - and then suddenly I started using drugs and lying (or anything else one could easily say is not a good way to live) to my friends and loved ones, and they were to point me back to scripture to remind me of what is really important an what I seemingly turned my back on - then they are "using" God to open my eyes??? Like I said earlier, I hope that is exactly what they would do!!! Forcing and finger wagging is one thing, but not saying anything and leaving them 'free' to stumble in the dark sounds like indifference to me. If someone is lost it seems to me the best thing anyone could do is point them in the right direction...or at least to Something that contains the right directions, and let God handle the rest I guess....whether coming from a priest or a street bum. My grandmother did this in regards to us two being together, and since she was right about it(and I knew it too), then I'd be hard pressed to label it as "using God" to hopefully line me up with the proper way that things should have been done in the first place. I'm still a Babe, so forgive me if I can't make complete sense of that.

Do you believe that your relationship with her was Godly and proper?

 

[Christ4Life]

Do you believe that your relationship with her was Godly and proper?

I believe what I was originally asking for was an elaboration on the logic behind Hammer's post.

I've always heard it's never too late to submit and allow the Lord to "make crooked places straight'", so whatever point you're trying to make is moot. I've asked His forgiveness and believe I have received it. God doesn't hold grudges, people do. Sure He chastises those whom He loves, but I don't believe it wouldn't be through making her do things against His Own Will just to do so.

That was then...this is now. Which I intended to use to take it to the altar and MAKE it Godly and Proper. As the Holy Spirit is leading me back to the proper path, somehow she strays far from it. It is to the point that If she comes home and I am reading a faith-based webpage, or happen to be watching bible programming on television, she will get reeally mean and nasty- as it is on, because she doesn't like what they have to say. Then also claims I am "using GOD" and even yells at me to turn it off! He (Hammer)agreed with her, and a clear elaboration is what I was asking him for.

 

[heymikey80]

Well, I see it differently. What she's saying is that you are attempting to impose God's statements on her behavior, likely without imposing God's statements on your own life. But you're not God. So using God's words to control her behavior is likely to be viewed as a "controlling" effect.

I'm of mixed feelings about the whole situation. You're not married, you don't have any standing to do more than talk openly about what you see in Scripture in comparison with your own life. Your insides should not be churning, because you shouldn't have that intimate a relationship without marriage. And your plan to marry is clearly thwarted by other conditions, now. Walk away. In fact run away. The separation is real, and it'll only get bigger. That's what she's saying by her actions. You have no standing to change it, because there's no covenant of marriage that says she and you have such a relationship. Walk away.

 

[elijah23]

A person can pretend to be a God-fearing Christian, learning all the catch-phrases and whatnot, and maneuver themselves into advantageous positions in the church, family, and other places. I don't think it is uncommon.