How do adult children honor their parents?

[handy]

But isn't this concerning the very spirit of the commandment to honor our parents? We may not want to do this, and we might not have to jump and do, but truly to honor your Dad, you will go and do this.

I would, yes, run an errand for my parents...my dad is gone (if only I could run errands for him today, but then he is with the Lord). Mom, yep, do her shopping, etc.

I view this as the difference between obedience such as children are to render parents and slaves masters, and submission, such as wives to husbands...something done more out of love and helpfulness than "because one has to".

But, this thread is about far more than just running errands or doing all the numerous things we do for the others in our lives that we care about.

The young woman in question is in the position where she is seeing her sister, as an adult, being forbade to drive a car, move out on her own, go to college. The sister is 19 years old, and her father is not allowing her get a driver's license or move out.

This is far more the "spirit" of the conversation...not do we, out of love, honor and respect "do" for our parents...but whether or not they have the right and authority, to tell adult children that they cannot make any of their own choices or to live as an adult, but must obey every wish and command of the father.

 

[reba]

Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.


Some scriptures go hand in hand.

 

[felix]

So if your mother says: "On Tuesday, I need you to go to the X airport to pick someone up at 12:00" and your wife says: "On Tuesday, I need you to go to Y airport to pick someone up at 12:00.". Which airport will you be going to?

View attachment 2106

 

[Gazelle]

Being an off spring of another thread, I do not know the details of the culture of the young woman. I do support that as long as you live under your parents' roof, you live by their rules. Once you leave and make your own home, you get to make the rules.

We cannot fully understand other culture's rules unless we study or experience them. Nor can we inflict our own upbringing and rules upon another even living in the same community.

What I responded to was the subject line: How do adult children honor their parents? ;)

 

[felix]

Another point to be made that the onset of puberty doesn't mean adulthood: Due to better health care and nutrition, many children are beginning puberty earlier and earlier.

Irrespective of any age, God was able to differentiate according to Deut 1:39 and kill them on the wilderness, because they believed not. Even so, God will make every person accountable for their sins irrespective of age which they do when they are not innocent.

Our original OP writer, 7teenyearsold has a father who is not permitting her to learn how to drive, a necessary skill in today's society, and even tells her mother that she cannot drive after he is dead. She stated that her father will forbid her to move out and go to college when she is 18. This goes far, far beyond the scope of a teenager rolling eyes and grumbling when told to take out the trash or clean the litter box. Or even, as happens so much at our house, take issue with Dad for being at all dances and events where boys and girls are socializing with each other. Her father is preventing her, as he has already done with her 19 year old sister, to step out into adulthood.

Do you think a father does not have the responsibility to give her daughter as a virgin and without blemish to a man?
A woman is not on her own. Even in the law, an unmarried woman is bound by her father and a married woman is bound by her husband. She is free only if she is a widow or a divorced.

The same law (as in Numbers 30) is referred in New Testament in Rom 7:2, 1Cor 7:39 which does not make it void in new covenant.

Hence, as long as she is not married, she is bound by her father and not on her own.

This idea that if your Dad tells you to go into the city and do some work for him and you, as a married adult man, father of your own children, must jump up and do just that, is not something that is taught, either by direct commandment nor by example in the Scriptures.

(Deut 21:18-21) " If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and [who,] when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.

Don't tell me he is to be stoned because he is a glutton and drunkard. Being glutton and becoming drunkard is not a sin. Do you think not obeying is not rebellious? Are you suggesting that not obeying the commandment of God is not rebellious in His sight?

 

[felix]

i know my gay lust were a sin at age 12 and knew of the sins that we all believe at age six!

my pastor repented of he sins at age three and remembers that day well!

Whether we like it or not, God was able to differentiate the two people - adults and young children in Deut 1:39 and kill all adults (except Joshua and Caleb) in the wilderness. Even so, God will judge for all our sins. In that day, God will judge not based on their age but He knows if they truly knew good and evil or innocent. No one can show Him any worldly laws or culture or traditions. Do you think the murderers of James Bulger can escape God's judgement just because they were 10 years old? Or how about Mary Bell who murdered 2 when she was 10 and 11? There are many more to point but I believe I made my point.

 

[YoungThinker]

I think Felix brings up some good point as does Handy. The issue here is if bible allows adult children independence of their parents. Regardless of how 7teen feels about her father or Felix about his traditions or Handy about her preferences, the only thing that matters is what the Bible commands. We can't color it with our culture and traditions. We also can't twist Bible passages into saying something it doesn't.

The issue isn't at what age you become and adult (though on that subject despite the Jewish tradition of calling 13 year olds adults, the bible refers to 17 year old Joseph as "being but a boy"). The issue is whether a child is to obey his parents forever. Personally, I haven't seen any verses that keeps the children there. Old Testament law has many things we would find troubling today. We don't say a father can rightfully sell his children in slavery anymore, do we? That was an Old Testament law.

Felix, Roman 7:2 and 1 Corinthians 7:39 deals with whether a woman is allowed to remarry if he husband dies. Not whether she is still under her parents authority. We can't use the Old testamnet laws becaue their void and we're no longer under them. I think some people have trouble letting go of Old Testament laws because that culture was seen as the norm. But we must remember to differentiate between commands and culture.

In the Old Testament, the people usually lived under a patriarchal system where the oldest man was head of the tribe. There was also polygamy and slavery. God didn’t command them to have polygamy. If I’m correct, I believe he made it clear that one man and one woman made a marriage. But he let them do it (along with divorce), because of the hardness of their hearts. It was a cultural thing. Way before Jesus came and reestablished the one-man and one-woman marriage, the culture had already done away with that and most were monogamists. Polygamy was a cultural thing. Patriarchy to the extent that a father controlled the tribe (including his grown children) was a cultural thing. Arranged marriages were also a cultural thing (not that anything is wrong with it). However, there is a verse somewhere in the New Testament in which Paul tells widows that one the husband dies, they are free to marry whoever they want (in the Lord). Not whoever their fathers, brothers, or sons choose. That sort of thinking was a patriarchal tribal thing.

Also we can’t go one way with this thing. Ephesians 6:1 tells children to obey their parents. Parents mean mothers and fathers. If the father dies, would you consider it biblical that a mother dictates her adult son’s life? Of course not! We can’t set a double standard for women.

Also I don’t think anyone's said this, but anticipation just in case it comes up. The bible doesn’t say one must marry to be an adult. In fact Paul urged that we don’t get married! Singles are adults, too. We wouldn’t expect Paul as a single man to still be subject to his parents, would we?

We can’t get caught up in following the culture of the people in the bible instead of the actual commands. An example where this was done in American history is slavery. Yes, there’s slavery and laws about it in the Old Testament. Paul even commanded slaves to obey their masters in everything.“Therefore,†says the confederates, “what we’re doing is biblical.†But didn’t Jesus talk about treating others as you’d want to be treated, submitting yourself to others, and so on. Paul even tells the slaves to get free if they can! The spirit of the Bible makes it clear that certain slavery is wrong, that loving God and one another should make this obvious. We must keep in the spirit and not catch ourselves simply capturing lifestyles.

 

[theLords]

Don't let this turn into a polygamy thread or posts will be deleted. Stay on topic.

 

[jasoncran]

Irrespective of any age, God was able to differentiate according to Deut 1:39 and kill them on the wilderness, because they believed not. Even so, God will make every person accountable for their sins irrespective of age which they do when they are not innocent.



Do you think a father does not have the responsibility to give her daughter as a virgin and without blemish to a man?
A woman is not on her own. Even in the law, an unmarried woman is bound by her father and a married woman is bound by her husband. She is free only if she is a widow or a divorced.

The same law (as in Numbers 30) is referred in New Testament in Rom 7:2, 1Cor 7:39 which does not make it void in new covenant.

Hence, as long as she is not married, she is bound by her father and not on her own.



(Deut 21:18-21) " If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and [who,] when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.

Don't tell me he is to be stoned because he is a glutton and drunkard. Being glutton and becoming drunkard is not a sin. Do you think not obeying is not rebellious? Are you suggesting that not obeying the commandment of God is not rebellious in His sight?

gluttony and drunkard (alcholicism is a sin)

 

[elijah23]

I think I honor my parents when I refrain, as much as possible, from speaking negatively of them.

 

[YoungThinker]

I think I honor my parents when I refrain, as much as possible, from speaking negatively of them.

That's a good point. But I think 7teen realized that in the way she posted her comments. Read the last one.

 

[felix]

gluttony and drunkard (alcholicism is a sin)

(Matt 11:19) "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' But wisdom is justified by her children."

(Prov 31:6-7) Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.

Alcholicism is not a sin.

 

[elijah23]

(Matt 11:19) "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' But wisdom is justified by her children."

(Prov 31:6-7) Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.

Alcholicism is not a sin.

Alcoholism is a sin.

 

[reba]

How do adult children honor their parents?


Is the topic


Stay on topic reba

 

[jasoncran]

(Matt 11:19) "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' But wisdom is justified by her children."

(Prov 31:6-7) Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.

Alcholicism is not a sin.

the above isnt alcoholism

the proverbs verse is act of mercy as the man is dying and i will have to ponder the later on proverbs.

ok lets deal with this felix, its not sin do be soo drunk that one cant drive? or if you do you kill someone?the bible says that the drunkard wont be in heaven. a beer or two for some its that issue.

alcoholics need be a drunk or drink all day they cant function without that beer and are addicted to that, i know my father in law will die from his habit as he hit hit his head and nearly in hour bleed out a quart and had alcohol poisoning. that is a sin. the doctors told him we cant give you pain meds as your liver will shut down if we do. he does that all the time.

so rather then pray you would suggest to me(as i have had ptsd and had to and still do from time to time flashbacks and or anger issues or so forth from my combat exepercience) to simply drink and bury my pain?

that is the worse thing to do for me. i lost soldier who got drunk with his buddies and went to his car in the bar parking lot and blew his brain out.

 

[felix]

the above isnt alcoholism

the proverbs verse is act of mercy as the man is dying and i will have to ponder the later on proverbs.

ok lets deal with this felix, its not sin do be soo drunk that one cant drive? or if you do you kill someone?the bible says that the drunkard wont be in heaven. a beer or two for some its that issue.

alcoholics need be a drunk or drink all day they cant function without that beer and are addicted to that, i know my father in law will die from his habit as he hit hit his head and nearly in hour bleed out a quart and had alcohol poisoning. that is a sin. the doctors told him we cant give you pain meds as your liver will shut down if we do. he does that all the time.

so rather then pray you would suggest to me(as i have had ptsd and had to and still do from time to time flashbacks and or anger issues or so forth from my combat exepercience) to simply drink and bury my pain?

that is the worse thing to do for me. i lost soldier who got drunk with his buddies and went to his car in the bar parking lot and blew his brain out.

While you take the alcoholism part, the verse which I referred is not about it but rather not obeying and being rebellious. Are the parents in the verse stoning his son for being a glutton and a drunkard? No. But rather the following:

1. a stubborn
2. a rebellious son
3. did not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother
4. when they have chastened him, will not heed them

Such a person is labeled as a glutton and a drunkard because he does nothing but eat and drink. I don't understand why the simple truth in the verse is purposefully missed out to encourage disobedience to parents when Scripture is speaking contrary and God's punishment is severe for it.

 

[jasoncran]

While you take the alcoholism part, the verse which I referred is not about it but rather not obeying and being rebellious. Are the parents in the verse stoning his son for being a glutton and a drunkard? No. But rather the following:

1. a stubborn
2. a rebellious son
3. did not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother
4. when they have chastened him, will not heed them

Such a person is labeled as a glutton and a drunkard because he does nothing but eat and drink. I don't understand why the simple truth in the verse is purposefully missed out to encourage disobedience to parents when Scripture is speaking contrary and God's punishment is severe for it.

drink as in being drunk from whine. a son of belial. ah the hebrew upbringing. i should ask my dad on that. i'm sure the jews have something on this.

 

[felix]

Oops.. sorry.. my mistake

Alcoholism: An addiction to the consumption of alcoholic liquor or the mental illness and compulsive behavior resulting from alcohol dependency.
Drunkard: A person who is habitually drunk

Alcoholism and drunkard are same, and is a sin (1Cor 6:9-10) and will not inherit kingdom or God. I believe drinking wine is not a sin but getting drunk is a sin. But even still, as in #36, a glutton and a drunkard is what he is being labeled with for being stubborn, rebellious, who do not obey and not not heed while chastened - and not for being glutton and drunkard.

 

[YoungThinker]

Irrespective of any age, God was able to differentiate according to Deut 1:39 and kill them on the wilderness, because they believed not. Even so, God will make every person accountable for their sins irrespective of age which they do when they are not innocent.



Do you think a father does not have the responsibility to give her daughter as a virgin and without blemish to a man?
A woman is not on her own. Even in the law, an unmarried woman is bound by her father and a married woman is bound by her husband. She is free only if she is a widow or a divorced.

The same law (as in Numbers 30) is referred in New Testament in Rom 7:2, 1Cor 7:39 which does not make it void in new covenant.

Hence, as long as she is not married, she is bound by her father and not on her own.



(Deut 21:18-21) " If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and [who,] when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.

Don't tell me he is to be stoned because he is a glutton and drunkard. Being glutton and becoming drunkard is not a sin. Do you think not obeying is not rebellious? Are you suggesting that not obeying the commandment of God is not rebellious in His sight?

Felix, if I may add my two-cents. Romans 7:2 and 1 Cor 7:39 seem to be talking about the law of the husband. I don't see anything about a father here.

And isn't the son being stoned for dishonoring his parents name by improper conduct (drunkard, glutton) that is publically displayed embarressing the parents? He does not hearken to their words, meaning he refuses to honor and respect them by listening to their admonishments. He does whatever in his rebllious stubborn attitude. If the law meant obey in the sense of the child-slave obey meaning, then this law can refer to a married son who wil not obey his father (or mother) when they tell him what occupation to work in or how to raise his kids. I think the law is referring to an attitude of dishonoring which could apply to married and unmarried sons.

 

[patience7]

I think and hope that my adult children honor me by taking care of me when I need them to as I did for them before they left home and had families of their own. You know, feed me, change my diapers, etc. if need be in my old age.