I'll go along on this trip for a bit at least...just to discuss the more philosophical points raised.
It truly is all about love and justice isn't it. Can we truly be capable of love, if we know loved ones are in hell? God is love, and God will know that there are those in hell. Does He not love them? That is the view of the Calvinist to be sure, but others believe that God so loved the whole world that He sent His Son to die that all might be able to attain eternal life.
But, it's a sad fact, not all will.
So, now what about justice? What kind of justice demands that someone would spend an eternity in hell? It's hard to even think of anything so bad here on earth that it demands such a steep price, even one which was willingly opted for (for God will make sure that there is no one without excuse.)
Well, here on earth, it is hard to imagine "what's so bad about that?" Because sin permeates everything we say, do, every thought we have, all throughout creation, it is hard to see "what's so bad" about anything that God takes offense of.
Scripturally, I'm not sure if we will have recollection of damned loved ones in heaven or not. There are some verses that suggest that, but it's hard to say that our memories will be wiped...and I do see an Orwellian connection with that, to tell the truth.
However, I also think that most of this is going to be sorted out in the Great Day of Judgement. That will be the day that every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord. And, that will be the day that He will separate the sheep from the goats, the wheat from the tares, those with eternal life and the damned.
And, that will also be the day that we see what holiness is truly all about. Because in the discussion of love and the discussion of justice, one thing I haven't seen yet discussed is holiness.
Holiness is a word that the Church has mangled...with about every other great concept in the Bible. The Church, especially those of "holiness" movement has defined holiness mainly in things we aren't supposed to do. If one is holy, one cannot ---- (fill in the blank, watch R rated movies, smoke cigarettes, be gay, be a Democrat.)
We have to admit, that is the concept that the Church has pushed, and it's entirely wrong. Holiness is being without sin, being perfect in every way. It is a hard concept for the Church to define, because, so far, the only One in the Church that is holy is Christ Himself. (Possibly excepting the saints that have gone on before us.) We all of us, including what we know of the saints, pale by comparison.
And, because we do not grasp the concept of true, heavenly holiness, we also do not grasp just how bad sin is. Sin, not things we do or don't do, but actual sin.
On the day of judgment, we humans will finally see what true holiness is really all about, and we will then understand why, when God was upon Mt. Sinai, the Israelites couldn't look upon Him without dropping dead. The Bible tells us that anyone who actually comes upon even a taste of heavenly holiness and glory is first and foremost overcome with fear. And, I don't mean respect, I mean abject terror. It was the first things the angels said to the shepherds, "Fear not". His true holiness and glory is why, during the Transfiguration of Christ when God the Father spoke, the disciples, those men who knew and loved Christ the most, were so afraid they fell to their faces.
So on judgment day, we will finally understand, "just what's so bad about that". Much that is veiled now, will be revealed, and we'll finally "get it". Also, for those who reject Christ, even as they do bow the knee, we will understand that they actually reject Him, have all along, and have no desire to be with Him. It's easy to make excuses now, but no excuse will be forthcoming on that day, because God has shown Himself to all, even to atheists. They just choose to not believe, and that is after all, what separates all humans, those who believe and those who don't.
It is grim, no doubt about it. So much for love? Well, the thing is, God does love, and He does give countless promises and encouragements, warnings and exhortations to us shouting out, "Today is the day of salvation." There are even intriguing and hopeful texts that tell us things like God is willing to overlook times of ignorance. And, even that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believing spouse.
So, we can take this dilemma of just how can we enjoy heaven if a loved one is in hell and we can do several things with it. First and foremost, it encourages us to pray for said loved ones. When I first became a Christian, not one of my family was living for the Lord. Now, they all are...and there's a bundle of them, let me tell you. That was because I claimed as a promise from God, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you shall be saved, you and all your household."
Secondly, it should get us off our heinies and get out there and share the gospel, that no one need suffer hell, eternal life is right here for the taking, it really is.
Thirdly, we know that God is patient with us and holding off judgment because He isn't willing that any should perish, that He sent Jesus to pay the price for all sin, that He gave us both the gospel and the Scriptures to bear witness, that He blesses the world, even the lost, and even after His Son's death was rejected. So, we can also be sure that when He promises that every tear will be wiped dry, it will indeed happen, and although we cannot, in our current sin-induced blindness, understand how it can happen, we will understand fully how God's love, holiness and justice all works together.
, so the discussion should now come to an end on the matter. Either one believes scripture, or they don't. It's not about human argument, it's about God's promises. 
