I added to my top 16 list. Most of them are ones that I decided not to use for the report. Others I just got recently. I thought of about 15 of them. The others were from the internet or other people. Make sure you read all of them!!
Top Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers
1. Start singing Row Row Row Your Boat……., if they don’t interrupt say, “This is a recording, and if you hang up I’ll press redial, and start all over again.†Or say, “You are the only person who hasn’t fallen asleep yet, so I’ll sing it again for you. If they interrupt, angrily say, “Excuse me, but I’m trying to sing here!†Sing slower and louder until they hang up.
2. Pretend you are a telemarketer too. Give a long lecture on your produce and make it really dumb. Talk until they interrupt you. Then say “Excuse me, I’m not done wasting your time explaining my stupid, useless product yet.â€
3. Say, “Can you speak real slow so I can write down every word you say?†As they start talking say “slowerâ€â€¦ “Slowerâ€â€¦ “Slowerâ€â€¦ “Slower†-- After a while say “Can you hold while I go to the bathroom? The gas station is only a few miles down the road so I shouldn’t be too long.â€
4. Tell them to talk quieter because so and so is sleeping. “Quieterâ€â€¦ “Quieter†– Do this until they are talking at a soft whisper. Then scream, “I can’t hear you, you’re too quiet!â€
5. After they give you their name, ask them how to spell that. Do this for basically everything they say.
6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up. After they start talking say “Louderâ€â€¦ “Louderâ€â€¦â€Louderâ€â€¦
7. Ask dumb questions about their product over and over.
8. Turn on the TV and put it on a channel that only gets static. Turn up the volume really loud and say that you can’t hear them over the static.
9. Say “no†over and over while they speak until they hang up.
10. After they tell you about their product, yell, “You want me to pay money for that?!!â€
11. When they call during dinner tell them it is dinnertime, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
12. Keep saying, “Can you hear me now? … Good†until they hang up.
13. Keep crackers near the phone and eat them when telemarketers call. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. Then pretend you are choking.
14. While they’re explaining their product say “why†after every sentence they speak.
15. Press random buttons on the phone as if you are bleeping out words. “You *beep,* stop *beep* calling me. You’re a *beep* *beep*.â€
16. Say, “Sorry you have the wrong number.â€
17. Pretend you’re Miss Cleo and start predicting their future.
18. After each question they ask you say "no" ... for example ... are you the owner of the house? "No" can I speak with the owner please? "No" do you know a good time to call back? "No" ... so on and so forth.
19. Say "Yo momma" after everything they say.
20. When the telemarketer asks to talk to "(name)". Ask them "Is this going to be important," before they answer respond "Yeah I didn't think so." and hang up.
21. Start to tell them stories about yourself like, "Hey do you like to snowboard? Oh, you don't? Well, that’s to bad, because it’s a great sport. You know, once I was snowboarding..." and continue on until they hang up.
22. Tell them you have to translate for the person they asked for because they don't speak English. Continue to "translate" by saying gobble-de-gook in the background, then scream "WE DONT WANT ANY!â€
23. Simply ask the telemarketer how they got your phone number.
24. When the telemarketer tells you the selections on the survey, pick something not on the survey.
25. When they ask you if you want to take the survey, ask them if they would like to take the survey.
26. When they attempt to sell you a product, tell them you're sorry, but you're going to jail the following day. If they wanted to call back in 4 years, you'd be happy to talk business with them.
27. Pretend to be an old man who can't hear well and speaks with a heavy accent. This gets the telemarketer yelling and repeating them self. Every time they start to hang up begin saying how much you like the product to keep them on.
28. If they are trying to sell you something (lets say) a vacuum cleaner, act like their selling another product like colored sponges (something really dumb). After they say something about the vacuum cleaner, say something like, “Well I don’t care what you say. I still think colored sponges are really dumb.†Then say, “A vacuum cleaner would work much better on carpets.†(Talk about the product that they are trying to sell you.) Keep on insisting that colored sponges are really dumb. It will really annoy them.
29. Break in during their sales pitch and say, "Do you like cheese?" Keep repeating until they answer, if the do, start a discussion about types of cheese.
30. Say, “I'm not really interested in your product, but do you have anything that removes telemarketers from the phone?â€
31. If you have caller id use this one: I'm sorry he/she has moved but their new number is, (give the telemarketer their own number).
32. Ask them if they hear a clicking noise they'll say, "No, I don’t" say "Are you sure?" "Yes" then say, "Well, you’re going to hear it now" and hang up.
33. Have two people pick up the phone. At the same time, say "Hello?" after that, say, "(Other persons name) is that you? " Then, the other person goes "(your name) is that you? Holy Cow!" Continue talking, and if the telemarketer says anything, say "Excuse ME, stop INTERUPTING!" If the telemarketer doesn't hang up, start arguing about who will hang up first.
34. Whenever they try to say anything say, “Interrupting cow!â€
35. Hello, you have reached the Public Safety Department, We specialize in the termination of Telemarketers. This is (your name), How may I help you today?
36. I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach is out of service, please hang up and DON'T try again!
37. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender. Later, tell them they were wrong.
38. In the middle of the pitch say "Sshhhh!" and whisper like your scared "I think they're home." When he/she asks who, tell 'em, "The people who live here," then hang up abruptly.
39. Answer the phone and listen attentively for a minute or so. Then say "Hang on a just a second" and make a sound like 3 or 4 rounds from a handgun. Then say "Weren't nuthin', just a rat. Go ahead."
40. When they are giving their description of the product…ring your doorbell...go back to the phone and say can you hang on a second... and pretend there is a guy selling something at the door, say "I’ve told you how many times I am not interested! Virginia get my Shotgun!" and then hang up.
41. When they ask for the person, say you have a call on the other line, push a number button. Then, pretend like you are talking to the other person and say things like "Yeah Joe, I have this (call them a bad name here) trying to sell me this stupid stuff...
42. Ask them how much they get paid and when they tell you laugh hysterically and then hang up. If they refuse to tell you ask "Why?" and respond with "Why?" after every statement they make until they hang up.
43. "Um, I'm sorry, could you say that again? I was busy reading." After they respond again, say, "I'm sorry, did you say something?" continue making up excuses.
44. "I'm sorry. The person you have asked for has currently been eaten by a bear." If they laugh tell them "It isn't funny, it was very tragic". If they're like oh, I'm sorry. Say, "Yes it was very tragic..."
45. Didn't your parents ever teach you not to talk to strangers?
46. Say in perfect English, "I don't speak English, sorry"
47. Say, “Me speak no English.â€
48. Say, "Want to hear a cool noise?" ... then hang up.
49. Interrupt and say, “Are you blonde?†If they say yes say, “That explains a lot.†If they say no say, “Well I am.†And hang up.
50. After they introduce them self say, "Are you that (their name) that’s been calling all week?! I'm calling the police and turning you in for harassment!" and hang up.
51. Tell them that you are telepathic so you can sense what they are selling, and you DO NOT want it!
52. Telemarketer: Is Mr. (someone) home?
You: No he's in the back yard digging a hole, he's been out there for 6 days.
Telemarketer: Is there a Mrs. in the house?
You: No, I haven't seen her for 6 days I don't know where she is, sorry!
53. If its house insurance, Tell them you didn't think you needed insurance for a cardboard box...
54. If they are trying to sell a Family & Friends Plan, reply "I don't have any friends. Would you be my friend?"
55. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
56. When they ask if you want to buy "blah blah", just say (very pleasently), "No thanks... I already have a penguin!" and hang up
57. When they ask for Mr./Mrs. someone, Say "They aren’t available, but here is Mr. Clicker" and hang up.
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