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Desire to be a vessel of honor unto the Lord Jesus Christ?
Join For His Glory for a discussion on how
https://christianforums.net/threads/a-vessel-of-honor.110278/
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Taking the time to pray? Christ is the answer in times of need
https://christianforums.net/threads/psalm-70-1-save-me-o-god-lord-help-me-now.108509/
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: I heard that joke only it was a bear instead of a shark. :wink:
destiny
Member
- Apr 15, 2004
- 4,043
- 4
Tribal Wisdom
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that:
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government (and in corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed ... such as:
Buying a stronger whip.
Changing riders.
Appointing a committee to study the horse.
Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
Reclassifying the dead horse as living impaired.
Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses.
Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And of course my favorite...........
Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position (isn't this considered a jackass in some cases?)
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that:
"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government (and in corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed ... such as:
Buying a stronger whip.
Changing riders.
Appointing a committee to study the horse.
Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
Reclassifying the dead horse as living impaired.
Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses.
Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And of course my favorite...........
Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position (isn't this considered a jackass in some cases?)
A proud member of the community told this stroy at a social gathering ....
During a church social activity, I had to say a few words about myself.
I mentioned that I was born in Philadelphia,
that the first Scattergood had immigrated in the early 1700's
and that I was a tenth-generation American.
"I doubt anybody in this room can beat that," I boasted.
"I can!" came a voice from the back.
Everyone turned around.
It was my daughter.
During a church social activity, I had to say a few words about myself.
I mentioned that I was born in Philadelphia,
that the first Scattergood had immigrated in the early 1700's
and that I was a tenth-generation American.
"I doubt anybody in this room can beat that," I boasted.
"I can!" came a voice from the back.
Everyone turned around.
It was my daughter.
When our son Sean was in college, he applied for a part-time job with the Internal Revenue Service. After six weeks of training, however, only a full-time position was open, so he left.
Sean received no W-2 form for his work at the IRS. He requested that the agency send the form so he could file his tax return. Come April there was still no reply, so Sean had to estimate his taxes. By midsummer, Sean *finally* received a letter from the IRS! It noted....
"We have been unable to locate your employer."
Sean received no W-2 form for his work at the IRS. He requested that the agency send the form so he could file his tax return. Come April there was still no reply, so Sean had to estimate his taxes. By midsummer, Sean *finally* received a letter from the IRS! It noted....
"We have been unable to locate your employer."
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, 'Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!'
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
:roll:
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
:roll:
S
SyntaxVorlon
Guest
- Thread starter
- #67
I heard a couple of engineer jokes recently:
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are all staying in hotel rooms when simultaneously fires break out in all three rooms.
The Engineer wakes up, goes to the bathroom, douses the flames liberally and procedes to soak the entire room with water once the flames go out and goes back to sleep.
The physicist gets up, calculates quickly at the table, goes to the bathroom, gets 15.6 liters of water and puts out the flames precisely, and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician gets up, calculates furiously at the table, goes to the bathroom, lights a match and extinguishes it in the sink and shouts "Ah ha, there is a solution." And then goes back to sleep.
And the other:
A Mathematician, a Physicist and an Engineer all have to verify a theorem, which states "All odd numbers greater than 1 are prime numbers."
The mathematician says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Thus the theorem is incorrect."
The physicist says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime... experimental error."
And the engineer says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime..."
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are all staying in hotel rooms when simultaneously fires break out in all three rooms.
The Engineer wakes up, goes to the bathroom, douses the flames liberally and procedes to soak the entire room with water once the flames go out and goes back to sleep.
The physicist gets up, calculates quickly at the table, goes to the bathroom, gets 15.6 liters of water and puts out the flames precisely, and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician gets up, calculates furiously at the table, goes to the bathroom, lights a match and extinguishes it in the sink and shouts "Ah ha, there is a solution." And then goes back to sleep.
And the other:
A Mathematician, a Physicist and an Engineer all have to verify a theorem, which states "All odd numbers greater than 1 are prime numbers."
The mathematician says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Thus the theorem is incorrect."
The physicist says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime... experimental error."
And the engineer says, "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime..."
G
goliwog man
Guest
- Thread starter
- #69
I thinks that dog should look 4 a third option :D