I CAN'T MAKE MY HUSBAND HAPPY :(

[micaela]

Some of you might know that I have been going through some rough times in my life. I recently went through a drug relapse and committed a horrible sin and had sex outside my marriage.
I have been working hard to make things right with God and with my husband. I pray daily and read my bible, I have cut off all the negative people in my life, I meet with a drug counselor/therapist, I take good care of my children, cook and clean my home and do my very best to obey my husband and make him happy. I told my husband that I would do anything for him to come home and back to me. I really meant it. Before he complained that I didn't cook enough, or didn't clean enough or I didn't wake up early enough in the mornings. Now that I am doing more than enough of all those things he has found something new to be mad at me for. We are helping out a family friend by letting him stay with us for a little while, and my husband says I am more nice to our friend than I am to him. I am just trying to friendly to make our guest feel welcome but I hate that my husband feels that way. I feel like I am not even allowed to talk to our friend anymore. My husband is constantly mad at me all day long and I don't even know about what most of the time. Today it was because I asked the friend what he wanted to drink. Later I found out that my husband was mad about that because he said I was suppose to ask him first what he wanted to drink. I am trying my very hardest to make my husband happy, but he always finds something to be upset with me about. I think that is what led me to relapse. I just want to be happy together and I don't know what more I can do to make that happen. It is like he is incapable of being nice and happy with me. He talks to me with a mean tone and looks at me like I am constantly doing something wrong. I am so hurt by this. I am trying and trying but feel like I am getting nowhere. Sorry for rambling on so much but I really need to vent. Does anyone have any advice for me? What would you do if you were in my situation?

 

[JoJo]

I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like your husband is hurting and angry. I'm glad to hear that he came back home and brought the kids with him, right? That's good. But he's obviously still hurting and fearful of getting hurt again. He wouldn't worry about you asking the friend if he wanted a drink first if he didn't already feel insecure about your relationship. He's probably afraid you're flirting with him or that you will end up sleeping with the guy. When someone gets cheated on, it's hard not to worry about it happening again. It's hard not to feel insecure. Things like this put a magnifying glass on every little thing...innocent actions are sometimes perceived as wrongdoings. There's not really much you can do about that except just keep on living right and treating your husband well.

I think some relationship counseling might be a good idea. Also, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Ask God to heal your relationship with your husband. Trust Him to do it. :yes

 

[JohnEboy1983]

I understand you are trying to help out a family friend but first things need to be fixxed in your marriage before you can take on that task. Like JoJo said, if he cannot fully trust you right now, having a friend around that your husband sees as a potential threat is not going to help any. Whos friend is this and whos idea was it? I think your marriage needs to be secure first and the both of you be ok with it before you uptake any tasks of letting a friend live with you. Of course this is just my opinion though.

 

[Caroline H]

I understand you are trying to help out a family friend but first things need to be fixxed in your marriage before you can take on that task. Like JoJo said, if he cannot fully trust you right now, having a friend around that your husband sees as a potential threat is not going to help any. Whos friend is this and whos idea was it? I think your marriage needs to be secure first and the both of you be ok with it before you uptake any tasks of letting a friend live with you. Of course this is just my opinion though.

I agree JohnEboy

 

[GojuBrian]

If your friend is interfering in your marriage, he needs to go asap.

JohnEboy1983 wrote:
I understand you are trying to help out a family friend but first things need to be fixxed in your marriage before you can take on that task. Like JoJo said, if he cannot fully trust you right now, having a friend around that your husband sees as a potential threat is not going to help any. Whos friend is this and whos idea was it? I think your marriage needs to be secure first and the both of you be ok with it before you uptake any tasks of letting a friend live with you. Of course this is just my opinion though.

Clearly!

 

[GodspromisesRyes]

agreed. If that friend stays there you wont be able to work on your marriage because there is distrust there and he is likely to think everything you do is flirting towards this other man.It is good that you are doing much better in all those things, but you will need to be patient and realise that the hurt you caused him is much greater than any cooking and cleaning can fix. Is your husband a believer at all?

 

[Blazin Bones]

Another side effect of having this friend staying with you is that it makes it harder to work on issues in the marraige. If you are both focused on being good hosts, it is difficult to focus on repairing the damage done and it is a strain on an already strained situation.

It may be hard to ask this friend to leave, but it would help your marraige in my opinion.

 

[micaela]

I have told my husband that it would be best if our friend left, but since my husband is the one who brought him home, my husband doesn't have the heart to tell him he has to leave. I know we really need our time alone in our home to work on fixing our relationship and focus on our family. I actually have been at my mother's house for the last couple days. My husband followed me over here and we have been getting along good and he has been more loving towards me since we have been over here.
And yes My husband is a believer in Christ, though like me at times, sometimes does not live accordingly. At times, like myself, he falls further away from Christ. But these last couple days I have been talking to him about asking for forgiveness for sins and really getting serious about living our lives to serve God.

 

[Dude named Louis]

Sounds like movement in a positive direction. Praise God!

 

[jmespinosa]

I would probably have to agree with your husband about the drink thing. In his eyes he may have seen is you were putting the friend before him. No matter what when we have company over or anything. I always serve my husband first. I take care of him before anyone. Then I will do our guests. Well at least I ask him first.

He is hurting and I honestly would not let anyone be staying with you because you and him really need to work on rekindling the spark and the flame. I think a date night would be good. Something to do overnight. Can't remember if you said you had kids or not, but I would do an overnight at a motel some where maybe a bed and breakfast and take him to the movies or do something that he likes to do.

1. It shows that you care about what he likes, and likes to do. You are willing to go there for a date because it is what makes him happy.

2. Just being out of the house and some where else by your selves really is different.

3. Gives a break from routine and you never know something may change you guys.

4. Me and my husband don't have any friends that are single in or out of the church. We will say hi to some of them and hang out every now and then but the girls are my friends and the guys are just my husbands if they are single. That was something me and my husband learned very early in our marriage. A girl wanted to be with my husband very badly and I just thank God that he was never with her or anything like that. She would call our house for little dumb things because she is in his unit. I know nothing never happened. So after that, is when we said no more because we almost got a divorce from it.

You have to understand he is hurting and seeing you and remembering what had happened. So you just have be patient and let him deal with his feelings.

 

[jasoncran]

ah yes the tempation of a married man in uniform. I forgot that you were a military spouse. I keep a distance from the female soldiers as i dont want to get too close.

anyway i will pray for micheala as that marriage and you need to be healed.