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[__ Prayer __] I hate God

M

matt1917

Member
By the title of this thread you are probably assuming I'm a troll, but rather, I'm listing a prayer intention.

I pray all the time in Jesus name and am a Christian by Faith, but have an extreme hatred for God and I don't know what to do about it so registered at this site to ask for prayers.

I'm diagnosed shizoaffective, chemically dependent, and I hate God for not healing me, giving me a healthy mind and emotions, and not protecting me from the Devil and refusing to guide me or give me wisdom and understanding (Despite praying for it thousands of times over the years). I have prayed for God's will to be done in my life thousands of times and I've reached a point where I believe it is God's will that the Devil torment me without cease and that I serve the Devil.

I've lived my life in and out of jails and mental institutions. I'm currently in a residential treatment center IRTS facility, before that I was homeless. I attempted suicide by laying down in front of an oncoming train. The train conductor stopped the train and had me arrested.

I also spent 11 months in jail and am on probation for 7 years for stabbing someone twice with a butcher knife. It's been a miserable, confusing, depressing, delusional life and I wish my mother would have aborted me. I hate God for giving me life.

I'm to the point I believe abortion is often a good thing because many of those babies would have come from broken homes and grown up to experience this misery and they are lucky they were spared it.

I just want to die and pray for death often but am too scared of what will be other side if I kill myself. I appreciate your prayers. I'm often filled with rage and blasphemies and want to hurt God. I've had deliverance prayers prayed over me but nothing seems to work. Still, your prayers are appreciated. Thanks. God bless!
 
matt1917 said:
Just once... I have tried summoning spirits though
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Matt a few questions :

Do you have a church and pastor you can speak with?

Matt did you post this prayer request at any other site? Seems I've seen this before at CF.com.

You have my prayers. Please stop trying to summon spirits. We Christians have the Holy Spirit.

On being angry with God not healing you? Recommend you reconsider this un-fruitful approach. Your life is no doubt a living hell right now. Being angry at the author of Life and Redeemer is counterproductive.

I would normally not give such advice but as of today I have months and if God wills a few years left to live this earthly pilgrimage. This probably does not give you a whole lot of comfort now, but faith heavily implies faithfulness. Jesus told us to not worry about tomorrow and focus on the here and now. We must Trust Him.

If you are angry that your life is not a fraction of what you would like it to be, then please consider our King wore a crown of thorns on earth and never promised it would be easy for us. Frankly He told us life here would be hard.

Again, by your post you are no doubt in a living hell right now. However, there is no obstacle too tough, no mountain too high to climb for Jesus Christ to overcome in your life.
 
Your mind is the battlefield and you are losing this battle because you lack the tools/spiritual weapons to fight back. Go to churches until you find someone to help you. Christ said SEEK and you shall find.....keep seeking...keep praying.......surrender to Jesus...quit demanding. Be still in your heart. Ease your demands. Ease your anger. Read the story of the guy who wrote Amazing Grace......if God could save him ....he could save anyone...including you....including me.
 
matt1917 said:
and refusing to guide me or give me wisdom and understanding (Despite praying for it thousands of times over the years).
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matt1917 said:
just want to die and pray for death often but am too scared of what will be other side if I kill myself.
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Ok, those two things you said, contradict each other. There's your proof that God answered your prayer for wisdom and understanding. You fear God .
The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord

I'll pray for you
 
i have been diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features. I think most shrinks would have called it schizoaffective, maybe Schizophrenia.

My life is not as difficult as yours, but it isn't easy, either. I made my former doctors angry, so now my neighbors yell out things from my psych records. I'm on probation because everybody around here kept messing with me and I sent off emails to one of those angry ex-shrinks. I could have gone to prison, but The Lord made a way forward for me.

Mental Illness is no good. In my experience, not only does it mean you have "symptoms," you also have society messing with you because you're a "mental patient."

God --is-- good, even though most people aren't that great. I think being lower on the totem pole--and most people w/ severe mental problems are lower on the totem pole--we see just how decidedly horrible people can be, even respectable or "good" people, when you're down and out.

I'll pray for you. Life is difficult enough, or can be, without mental illness and everything that goes with it. I pray that you find the Christian support you need. Maybe CFnet can be part of your life, for a season at least.

Praying. :)
 
Pegasus said:
Matt a few questions :

Do you have a church and pastor you can speak with?

Matt did you post this prayer request at any other site? Seems I've seen this before at CF.com.

You have my prayers. Please stop trying to summon spirits. We Christians have the Holy Spirit.

On being angry with God not healing you? Recommend you reconsider this un-fruitful approach. Your life is no doubt a living hell right now. Being angry at the author of Life and Redeemer is counterproductive.

I would normally not give such advice but as of today I have months and if God wills a few years left to live this earthly pilgrimage. This probably does not give you a whole lot of comfort now, but faith heavily implies faithfulness. Jesus told us to not worry about tomorrow and focus on the here and now. We must Trust Him.

If you are angry that your life is not a fraction of what you would like it to be, then please consider our King wore a crown of thorns on earth and never promised it would be easy for us. Frankly He told us life here would be hard.

Again, by your post you are no doubt in a living hell right now. However, there is no obstacle too tough, no mountain too high to climb for Jesus Christ to overcome in your life.
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I registered at two sites and posted the prayer...I didn't know if I'd find a site where it passed moderator approval. But so far so good I guess...

I'm to the point where I feel God wants the Devil to be torturing me for whatever reason.

God could restrain the Devil and I've asked him to many times. Nothing seems to work. I feel the Antichrist and his empire is all part of God's plan. God knew who the Antichrist would be long before he formed him in his mother's womb. I believe God's destiny for the Antichrist is to be just that and to do the job well.

God gives some people the grace to be Saints and to others He refuses to give those graces. If Adolf Hitler was given the same graces and brain-wiring, inclinations, and disposition as God gave John the Baptist, he would have behaved like John the Baptist.

So, the biggest factor in how Adolf Hitler or other wicked people turn out is the grace God is willing to give them.

I think some people have a very dark destiny and that destiny is God's will for them or God would give them the grace to be something else. Instead God leaves them blind, spiritually dead, and tormented by the Devil. If God would give truth and understanding to all, there would be no Atheists.

God has control of the Devil. The Devil can only do what God lets him do. Therefore, the Devil can only do what God wants him to do.
 
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You just have to get through this life. This life is not easy for anyone. The world is fallen and we do have a greater hope to look forward to. I have the best life ever (in terms of what this life has to offer) and I long to be with God face to face. When others have mentioned when you summoned spirits on the ouija board, this is a problem. We allow ourselves to be opened up to lying spirits that want to kill your soul and not rely on the hope of the Lord.
 
matt1917 said:
God gives some people the grace to be Saints and to others He refuses to give those graces. If Adolf Hitler was given the same graces and brain-wiring, inclinations, and disposition as God gave John the Baptist, he would have behaved like John the Baptist.
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You don't believe people can change? That people have clear choices that they can make, good or bad?
 
Pegasus said:
You don't believe people can change? That people have clear choices that they can make, good or bad?
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Only God can give them enlightenment, wisdom, understanding, and transformation to change.

The reign of the anticipated Antichrist and his Empire are part of God's plan. God wants there to be much evil and darkness in the world for now.

I want to change, but that cannot happen without God changing me.

As of now, he wants me to be sick and tormented by Satan or he would heal and deliver me and give me the wisdom and understanding I requested.
 
me again. I can kinda see your line of thought.

I've gotten a lot better as my understanding of God has changed. He loves His children. Not that we don't go through things, not that He doesn't sometimes discipline us, but He does love us. unmitigated suffering is not part of His plan for His people.

For me, thinking outside my labels has helped tremendously. I went through it. I developed problems. The people who treat me call my problems Bipolar and the community chooses to call me 'Schizophrenic.' Am I "Schizophrenic" ? No. Do I fight the Schizophrenia label by saying "oh, no...my doctor says its really Bipolar!" No. Labels are labels. At best, a psychiatric label will get you on the best drugs available to make your life easier. Its not who you are at the core.

So, I think: I had psychosis. Sometimes, I still get paranoid. Doctors did horrible things to me, and that's an issue I've only recently been able to move past, or get closer to moving past, because God put it on my heart to ask for what I needed to forgive 70x7 (and beyond), especially my enemies.


The thing about Christianity is that Jesus loves all His children, but those of us who are amongst "the least of these" have a special place with Jesus and in (traditional) Christianity, too. I remind myself of that when things get a little rough and I want to give up or something. Even if church people aren't always that great (some can be cruel), and even if society is rough (it usually is), Christ is there, and He loves you. Not only does He love "the least of these" --despite-- all the things the world despises about many of us: skin color, physical problems, mental problems, poverty, "poor life choices," etc., I find that I connect more with Christ where it hurts, where the stigma hits.

I hope this helps. I'll pray for you. :)
 
I've spent many hours in prayer, given everything to God, begged God for guidance desiring ONLY TO DO HIS WILL , yet repeatedly received darkness confusion in return. I'm just disgusted that he refuses to grant the graces I need to do his will and as a result my life wastes away in insanity and confusion.

Many people are called to be antichrists, and I believe I'm one of them. It is God's will because repeatedly he hands me over to Satan to be deceived and tortured...repeatedly God leaves me with confusion when I pray, repeatedly I'm filled with rage when I read the Bible and see how confusing it is with so many verses that say the opposite of what other verses say. God could effortlessly provide the clarity.

I believe God wants a certain amount of people to serve the Devil, and that the Devil and the Antichrist in fact serve and glorify God. I have prayed to God for answers thousands of times and that is the answer God gave me.

All I wanted more than anything by far was the grace to do God's will and God has let me know what his will is for me...it is to be an antichrist.

The Devil is prince of the powers of this world because God wants him to be for now. God knew what the Devil would do before he ever made him. If God didn't like it, he would not have made him or given him so much power and authority.

Easy is it for God to give people understanding, but he prefers them to be deceived and confused for now. At least that is what God desires for me and it appears God wants most people deceived and confused.

God could restrain Satan, but Satan does what God wants him to do. Satan even bends the knee at the name of Jesus and obeys every one of his commands.

Please pray that I do God's will. For now he has refused to give me light and insists that I remain in darkness, deception, and tormented by the Devil. I only desire to be an obedient instrument of God. That is His will. Thank you for your prayers.
 
Christ_empowered said:
me again. I can kinda see your line of thought.

I've gotten a lot better as my understanding of God has changed. He loves His children. Not that we don't go through things, not that He doesn't sometimes discipline us, but He does love us. unmitigated suffering is not part of His plan for His people.

For me, thinking outside my labels has helped tremendously. I went through it. I developed problems. The people who treat me call my problems Bipolar and the community chooses to call me 'Schizophrenic.' Am I "Schizophrenic" ? No. Do I fight the Schizophrenia label by saying "oh, no...my doctor says its really Bipolar!" No. Labels are labels. At best, a psychiatric label will get you on the best drugs available to make your life easier. Its not who you are at the core.

So, I think: I had psychosis. Sometimes, I still get paranoid. Doctors did horrible things to me, and that's an issue I've only recently been able to move past, or get closer to moving past, because God put it on my heart to ask for what I needed to forgive 70x7 (and beyond), especially my enemies.


The thing about Christianity is that Jesus loves all His children, but those of us who are amongst "the least of these" have a special place with Jesus and in (traditional) Christianity, too. I remind myself of that when things get a little rough and I want to give up or something. Even if church people aren't always that great (some can be cruel), and even if society is rough (it usually is), Christ is there, and He loves you. Not only does He love "the least of these" --despite-- all the things the world despises about many of us: skin color, physical problems, mental problems, poverty, "poor life choices," etc., I find that I connect more with Christ where it hurts, where the stigma hits.

I hope this helps. I'll pray for you. :)
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Truly I just want to do God's will...thanks for the prayers! I believe your suffering has brought you closer to God and made your prayers more powerful! :)
 
brother Paul said:
There once was a woman who loved God and decided she would ONLY rely on Him...one day when sailing, her boat was thrashed and she fell into the water. Her craft was gone. She prayed "Dear God save me, I know you will save me!" And shortly after a Helicopter pilot saw the woman and lowered a line..."No," she said, "Its alright my God will save me!" and so he left...again she prayed "Please God save me?!?" And shortly after a boat came by and the woman sailing the boat cried out "Grab this line and I will pull you aboard." And agin the woman said "No...do not worry God is going to save me!"...in time she drowned and died....

She found herself presence with the Lord and puzzled she asked "Lord you know my faith. I depended on you. Why didn't you save me?" And the Lord looked at her inquisitively and said "But I sent you a Helicopter and a boat!"
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As i was reminded today by brother Paul
 
reba said:
As i was reminded today by brother Paul
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I accept all the help God grants...that is why I came here... But when it comes to advice from others, Christians are divided... I need guidance from God because I don't know who to trust... god lives within me so God alone can guide me.

Christians are very confused and divided, which is why I don't know who speaks for God or I'd follow them
 
matt1917 said:
Truly I just want to do God's will...thanks for the prayers! I believe your suffering has brought you closer to God and made your prayers more powerful! :)
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me, yet again. I don't think my prayers are any more powerful than anybody else's, but I do think the suffering helped me a) get saved and b) learn to lean on The Lord more than I probably would have otherwise.

Christians do seem divided and often at odds with each other. This is true. Still, there are some fundamentals to (Protestant) Christianity that should all be evident in anybody's talk, opinion, theology, walk, etc. If these things are absent, there's a serious problem. You shall know a tree by its fruit...
 
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