Tabula Rasa
Member
- Dec 4, 2012
- 2
- 0
I need faith in God. Here is a summary of my experience:
I grew up in a very conservative segment of Christianity called the Church of Christ. I was taught to diligently study scripture. I loved to study the Bible. But, growing up in the church was not a good experience. I was excluded by the youth group because of my desire to learn more about the faith. I encountered so much hypocrisy. We were taught that it is a sin to worship God with musical instruments, and a sin to dance, so I bought an acappella music collection and enjoyed singing along to it. But when I went to church conferences and stayed in the hotel with church people, they looked at me like I was insane because I was not dancing to the sexually suggestive hip hop music. I was treated like a leper because of my faith, even at church. I usually had an entire pew all to myself, or a table all to myself in the fellowship hall. Needless to say, it was a living nightmare.
When I entered high school, I was introduced to a Bible study and prayer group at school. The students were from different denominations (those that I had been taught were going to hell because of their musical instruments), but what attracted me to them was their zeal for God's presence. They were more Christlike than the people at church, so I joined them. During my four years of high school, I grew in knowledge of the Bible and in personal knowledge of God by being a part of that group.
Upon entering college, I decided to become a religious studies major. I started at a Methodist college. But, once again, I faced rejection from the other religious studies students, not because I was pursuing sin, but because I did not want to get drunk with them. After being there for two years, I decided to change my major and transfer to the public university.
At the university, I met many unbelievers who had greater respect for my faith than the church people and the religious studies students. I could not make sense of the irony. But because I cherished their company and their integrity, I started to question everything I had been taught about who is saved and who is not. All this time, the question in my mind was, If the Holy Spirit is real, then why do Christians act like the world while the unbelievers act Christlike?
Then I decided to take the biggest risk of my life, and leave the Christian faith. I started reading atheist literature, but I could not bring myself to become atheist. Then I visited a Unitarian Universalist church. The people there were so welcoming and warm. I opened up to them, and they did not exclude me. I also bought tarot cards and crystals because I was attracted to the mystical element in them.
Then I moved away from my childhood town to a bigger city. I decided I would not be a Christian anymore.
But then I found myself very much alone. I do not have a Christian family anymore as my grandmother and mother are both deceased, and my grandmother was the Christian example in the family.
The one thing that has caused me to return to the faith is the fact that the unbelieving world says that homosexuality is okay. In other words, they call evil good.
I have gotten to the point where I am tired of fighting against a faith that did not fail me. Yes, people failed me, but God did not. The faith did not.
I have joined a Christian church and am getting involved in a small group and in a ministry. I still wonder at times why there is so much hypocrisy in the church if the Holy Spirit is supposed to be a living agent of change in the lives of believers. But being involved in a healthy church is what I need most right now.
Thanks for reading!
I grew up in a very conservative segment of Christianity called the Church of Christ. I was taught to diligently study scripture. I loved to study the Bible. But, growing up in the church was not a good experience. I was excluded by the youth group because of my desire to learn more about the faith. I encountered so much hypocrisy. We were taught that it is a sin to worship God with musical instruments, and a sin to dance, so I bought an acappella music collection and enjoyed singing along to it. But when I went to church conferences and stayed in the hotel with church people, they looked at me like I was insane because I was not dancing to the sexually suggestive hip hop music. I was treated like a leper because of my faith, even at church. I usually had an entire pew all to myself, or a table all to myself in the fellowship hall. Needless to say, it was a living nightmare.
When I entered high school, I was introduced to a Bible study and prayer group at school. The students were from different denominations (those that I had been taught were going to hell because of their musical instruments), but what attracted me to them was their zeal for God's presence. They were more Christlike than the people at church, so I joined them. During my four years of high school, I grew in knowledge of the Bible and in personal knowledge of God by being a part of that group.
Upon entering college, I decided to become a religious studies major. I started at a Methodist college. But, once again, I faced rejection from the other religious studies students, not because I was pursuing sin, but because I did not want to get drunk with them. After being there for two years, I decided to change my major and transfer to the public university.
At the university, I met many unbelievers who had greater respect for my faith than the church people and the religious studies students. I could not make sense of the irony. But because I cherished their company and their integrity, I started to question everything I had been taught about who is saved and who is not. All this time, the question in my mind was, If the Holy Spirit is real, then why do Christians act like the world while the unbelievers act Christlike?
Then I decided to take the biggest risk of my life, and leave the Christian faith. I started reading atheist literature, but I could not bring myself to become atheist. Then I visited a Unitarian Universalist church. The people there were so welcoming and warm. I opened up to them, and they did not exclude me. I also bought tarot cards and crystals because I was attracted to the mystical element in them.
Then I moved away from my childhood town to a bigger city. I decided I would not be a Christian anymore.
But then I found myself very much alone. I do not have a Christian family anymore as my grandmother and mother are both deceased, and my grandmother was the Christian example in the family.
The one thing that has caused me to return to the faith is the fact that the unbelieving world says that homosexuality is okay. In other words, they call evil good.
I have gotten to the point where I am tired of fighting against a faith that did not fail me. Yes, people failed me, but God did not. The faith did not.
I have joined a Christian church and am getting involved in a small group and in a ministry. I still wonder at times why there is so much hypocrisy in the church if the Holy Spirit is supposed to be a living agent of change in the lives of believers. But being involved in a healthy church is what I need most right now.
Thanks for reading!
