Christ_empowered
Member
I'm 30. I have a diagnosis of Bipolar I w/psychotic features. My community has declared me "schizophrenic." The difference between my BP I and schizophrenia? Mainly the meds....I take stuff for mood on top of the (overpriced) antipsychotic. I receive disability, go to Liberty Online, and live with my (thankfully, comfortable) parents.
If you've read any of my many, many posts on my situation, you know the story...destroyed by shrinks, spent a long time being decidedly un-smart and obviously brain damaged, and I had physical health problems. All that has resolved now...and I'm only 2 years into being truly Born Again!
Its strange...at 23, I had a nervous breakdown. I guess since I was sickly and un-smart anyway, they figured hey, why not electroshock him back to the stone age? Yeah...7ish years later, I've recovered from "treatment..." and now I have to deal with the underlying issue, lol.
I think with psychiatric treatment, there's a balancing act: too many meds you hinder, rather than facilitate, genuine recovery (same goes for electroshock, obviously); too few, and the person can't recover, either. Throw in social class issues (read: lower and working class people don't receive the same level of treatment as middle and upper class folks) and such, and...well...I just didn't matter.
Now that my people have moved up the totem pole and they've decided to support and protect me, I get better treatment. People actually listen to what I say, its crazy. My shrink is sort of assinine, but...whatevs...most psychiatrists don't care for me. Actually, most mental health pros I've encountered haven't much cared for me.
Anyway, its like this....I'm smart for the first time in about 11 years. I'm physically healthy for the first time in about the same amount of time. "Everything you need for life and for godliness..." yes...that and then some, apparently. I think God has given me what I need to recover and pursue a life of my own, maybe somewhere away from here (here's hoping, lol).
I'm starting to realize that I don't deserve the grace shown me. I don't mean that in the false humility sort of way (I hope...), I just mean that I realize that God doesn't owe me or anybody anything. The amazing thing isn't that I went through it; the amazing thing is that I've been saved, set free, and now I have what I need to move forward.
So...yeah...bipolar I w/psychotic features or schizophrenia. I read an opinion piece by some shrink that said they're the same thing, just schizophrenia they use higher doses of antipsychotic and lots of antidepressants. In my "condition," apparently the approach is low-to-moderate doses of a couple different kinds of meds. 6 of 1, 1/2 dozen the other to me, but the essay I read said there can be a huge difference. Oh, that and BP I isn't as stigmatized.
Anyway you look at it, moving forward won't be easy, but it has been and I pray will be rewarding. Mentally ill people these days apparently have to "know our place." I don't think its just the south, either. Its weird...we have TV ads for Abilify, Seroquel, all that, but when you're bona fide mentally ill, you're out of the picture. Done. Over. Society rejects you. That's it.
So, I don't know what happens from here on out. I'm doing well in school and I transferred in 70 credits, so I was a bit more than 1/2 there from the get go. I get along well with my parents. They love me, I love them. Thanks to disability, I'm not a huge burden on them, and my (like I said, overpriced) meds have a low co-pay.
Ugh. I want to recover, I want to have a life, I want...a lot of things. I don't know what's realistic and what's not. I was kind of hoping to do counseling because I'd be able to work without too much supervision, I know the mental health system, and I think I could do some good and also earn enough $$$ to live simply, on my own. But then I think about stigma against the mentally ill amongst counselors. Its like...I'd be crossing the line, you know? I might have to move to do it, if I end up getting the credentials.
But, yeah...I pray for recovery, whatever that looks like, whatever it "really" is.
If you've read any of my many, many posts on my situation, you know the story...destroyed by shrinks, spent a long time being decidedly un-smart and obviously brain damaged, and I had physical health problems. All that has resolved now...and I'm only 2 years into being truly Born Again!
Its strange...at 23, I had a nervous breakdown. I guess since I was sickly and un-smart anyway, they figured hey, why not electroshock him back to the stone age? Yeah...7ish years later, I've recovered from "treatment..." and now I have to deal with the underlying issue, lol.
I think with psychiatric treatment, there's a balancing act: too many meds you hinder, rather than facilitate, genuine recovery (same goes for electroshock, obviously); too few, and the person can't recover, either. Throw in social class issues (read: lower and working class people don't receive the same level of treatment as middle and upper class folks) and such, and...well...I just didn't matter.
Now that my people have moved up the totem pole and they've decided to support and protect me, I get better treatment. People actually listen to what I say, its crazy. My shrink is sort of assinine, but...whatevs...most psychiatrists don't care for me. Actually, most mental health pros I've encountered haven't much cared for me.
Anyway, its like this....I'm smart for the first time in about 11 years. I'm physically healthy for the first time in about the same amount of time. "Everything you need for life and for godliness..." yes...that and then some, apparently. I think God has given me what I need to recover and pursue a life of my own, maybe somewhere away from here (here's hoping, lol).
I'm starting to realize that I don't deserve the grace shown me. I don't mean that in the false humility sort of way (I hope...), I just mean that I realize that God doesn't owe me or anybody anything. The amazing thing isn't that I went through it; the amazing thing is that I've been saved, set free, and now I have what I need to move forward.
So...yeah...bipolar I w/psychotic features or schizophrenia. I read an opinion piece by some shrink that said they're the same thing, just schizophrenia they use higher doses of antipsychotic and lots of antidepressants. In my "condition," apparently the approach is low-to-moderate doses of a couple different kinds of meds. 6 of 1, 1/2 dozen the other to me, but the essay I read said there can be a huge difference. Oh, that and BP I isn't as stigmatized.
Anyway you look at it, moving forward won't be easy, but it has been and I pray will be rewarding. Mentally ill people these days apparently have to "know our place." I don't think its just the south, either. Its weird...we have TV ads for Abilify, Seroquel, all that, but when you're bona fide mentally ill, you're out of the picture. Done. Over. Society rejects you. That's it.
So, I don't know what happens from here on out. I'm doing well in school and I transferred in 70 credits, so I was a bit more than 1/2 there from the get go. I get along well with my parents. They love me, I love them. Thanks to disability, I'm not a huge burden on them, and my (like I said, overpriced) meds have a low co-pay.
Ugh. I want to recover, I want to have a life, I want...a lot of things. I don't know what's realistic and what's not. I was kind of hoping to do counseling because I'd be able to work without too much supervision, I know the mental health system, and I think I could do some good and also earn enough $$$ to live simply, on my own. But then I think about stigma against the mentally ill amongst counselors. Its like...I'd be crossing the line, you know? I might have to move to do it, if I end up getting the credentials.
But, yeah...I pray for recovery, whatever that looks like, whatever it "really" is.
