[__ Prayer __] I think the nightmare is over...

[Christ_empowered]

...I'm 30. At 17, I went to college in another city in this state (I graduated HS at 16...I still don't know why my parents let that happen, lol). By 19, I was on a downward spiral. Rx pill addictions, sodomy, madness, 2 round of involuntary electroshock before age 25, jail time (the record was expunged, praise God), and then Teen Challenge. At age 28, despite everything--including a serious head injury from a botched mugging in which I was bashed on the head w/ a pipe--I came to Christ with tears in my eyes.

Since then...I keep coming to Christ, lol. Waking up at age 30, when youth is definitely over, finding myself living comfortably with my parents, surprisingly intelligent (not a super genius, but I can do college-level work at Liberty no problem), healthy, and increasingly normal...wow. God is good!

Recently, I was able to actually feel forgiven. I don't know why it took so long, but...yeah. Now I can feel forgiven. I don't think so much on the past, even though some of my memories have been returned to me by The Lord. As best I can tell, I shouldn't have graduated HS early, shouldn't have been in that city for college, shouldn't have...you get the picture. Hindsight is always 20/20. But...

...I don't have to live in regret, do I? Forgiveness. Maybe 6 months or so, give or take, I realized that my parents were well on their way to forgiving me for everything. That's huge for all 3 of us. I was so locked in my own pain that I didn't/couldn't see how much hurt I caused them. And they were so locked in their pain that they couldn't see the pain I went through. It was rough.

But now...my parents are healthy and at the top of their professional "game" as they plan for retirement. Its weird...when I was born, they were broke as a joke, straight out of grad school. Then working class, intellectual bohemians. Then middle class. Now they're more upper-middle/upper class, and...surprise: my mother wishes she'd never gotten the PhD. There's more to life than status and degrees, it seems. Besides, the academic world can be vicious.

Anyway, its like...I entered a downward spiral as an immature, weird teenager headed no where, and now it seems that I'm waking up thanks only to Christ Jesus, and the prayers of Christians who actually care what happens to people like me.

For whatever reason, mental health problems are still an issue. Weirdly enough...I used to be mildly mentally ill, but very disordered. More psychological problems than psychiatric. Now its flipped. More psychiatric problems than psychological. I'm wondering...where, exactly, do these mental illness issues come from? My brain? I mean...my brain cells must be working over time, lol. So that's kinda odd...

...anyway, this is a praise report and yet another prayer request. I get to have a life, for the first time ever. I'm not miserable, I"m not filled with pain and self-(everything), and drugs and this that and the other thing. Life and that more abundantly...

...and a praise for waking up. The mental health people I go to now say I'm "in recovery from severe bipolar I w/ psychotic features," which is only different from Schizophrenia (as best I can tell) in terms of the meds you take and some symptoms are a little different. So..."recovery."

The neighbors still talk of warrants and prison and my past and...and...there's nothing I can do. Pray for them, too. I've started (they're lumped in under "enemies"), and that helps tremendously. And pray for me, please. Waking up is confusing, wonderful, beautiful. I have real, genuine emotions again. I care about other people. I'm developing a work ethic and a moral compass.

And pray that I wake up fully. And that I stay free, in society.

Thanks

 

[hallowbonnie]

 

[Eugene]

Pray for me, please. Waking up is confusing, wonderful, beautiful. I have real, genuine emotions again. I care about other people. I'm developing a work ethic and a moral compass.

And pray that I wake up fully. And that I stay free, in society.

Thanks

I've read the other parts of this thread many times, but I want to encourage you in things to come: continued growth in Christ, your success in University, the realization of new things achieved, and the peace that passes understanding in spite of outside influence so that you truly come to know the joy of your salvation.

Staying free in society will depend mainly on you, but we can be captive to our own condemnation: forgive me Father for what I have done over and over and over again. Again Brother @Willy T has it as part of his signature; "STOP REMEMBERING WHAT GOD HAS FORGOTTEN !"

God loves you Brother CE enough to have given you His Son Jesus for you; now continue to go forward all done in Jesus' name.

 

[petester]

Im mentally ill and I can relate.Now that the end is near its my belief satan is stepping up his efforts in gathering souls.Unfortunately the mentally challenged like myself are hit really hard by his efforts.I feel as if im losing my sanity more every day. But my faith in God is keeping me from acting on the irrational thoughts I have.When you feel tried just keep reminding yourself of Heaven it works for me.God Bless You

 

[AirDancer]

I agree with what both Brothers Eugene and Petester have written, Christ_empowered . Life is a challenge, but our Lord is there for you. When negative thoughts pursue you, just state: "Satan, get behind me; you have no power over me for I belong to our Lord God and His precious son Jesus Christ."

Prayers continue for you and those around you, my friend

 

[Christ_empowered]

Yeah...life isn't easy, but its now a good sort of challenging, most of the time. Also, having my intelligence back makes life decidedly less scary, so...God is good! I wish the neighbors would stop talking about "warrants" and such. I mean, my dad already got me a good attorney 2 years ago, when I was arrested on a misdemeanor charge. He's still representing me, because I'm still on probation. Ugh. Small, southern towns. Lots of fun sometimes

I'm looking forward to the next round of classes at Liberty online. Starts the 12th. The Biology class is accelerated--8 weeks instead of 12 or 16--so that should keep me busy.

 

[Mike S]

Yeah...life isn't easy, but its now a good sort of challenging, most of the time. Also, having my intelligence back makes life decidedly less scary, so...God is good! I wish the neighbors would stop talking about "warrants" and such. I mean, my dad already got me a good attorney 2 years ago, when I was arrested on a misdemeanor charge. He's still representing me, because I'm still on probation. Ugh. Small, southern towns. Lots of fun sometimes

I'm looking forward to the next round of classes at Liberty online. Starts the 12th. The Biology class is accelerated--8 weeks instead of 12 or 16--so that should keep me busy.

It's not just southern towns, CE, people everywhere can be very cruel. It particularly threatens them when they can see you getting better, in a perverse way it's comforting to them to see someone suffering more than they are.

Stay with God, continue on your path to perfection...it's the righteousness that will carry you home. My prayers are with you.

 

[poetofparables]

...I'm 30. At 17, I went to college in another city in this state (I graduated HS at 16...I still don't know why my parents let that happen, lol). By 19, I was on a downward spiral. Rx pill addictions, sodomy, madness, 2 round of involuntary electroshock before age 25, jail time (the record was expunged, praise God), and then Teen Challenge. At age 28, despite everything--including a serious head injury from a botched mugging in which I was bashed on the head w/ a pipe--I came to Christ with tears in my eyes.

Since then...I keep coming to Christ, lol. Waking up at age 30, when youth is definitely over, finding myself living comfortably with my parents, surprisingly intelligent (not a super genius, but I can do college-level work at Liberty no problem), healthy, and increasingly normal...wow. God is good!

Recently, I was able to actually feel forgiven. I don't know why it took so long, but...yeah. Now I can feel forgiven. I don't think so much on the past, even though some of my memories have been returned to me by The Lord. As best I can tell, I shouldn't have graduated HS early, shouldn't have been in that city for college, shouldn't have...you get the picture. Hindsight is always 20/20. But...

...I don't have to live in regret, do I? Forgiveness. Maybe 6 months or so, give or take, I realized that my parents were well on their way to forgiving me for everything. That's huge for all 3 of us. I was so locked in my own pain that I didn't/couldn't see how much hurt I caused them. And they were so locked in their pain that they couldn't see the pain I went through. It was rough.

But now...my parents are healthy and at the top of their professional "game" as they plan for retirement. Its weird...when I was born, they were broke as a joke, straight out of grad school. Then working class, intellectual bohemians. Then middle class. Now they're more upper-middle/upper class, and...surprise: my mother wishes she'd never gotten the PhD. There's more to life than status and degrees, it seems. Besides, the academic world can be vicious.

Anyway, its like...I entered a downward spiral as an immature, weird teenager headed no where, and now it seems that I'm waking up thanks only to Christ Jesus, and the prayers of Christians who actually care what happens to people like me.

For whatever reason, mental health problems are still an issue. Weirdly enough...I used to be mildly mentally ill, but very disordered. More psychological problems than psychiatric. Now its flipped. More psychiatric problems than psychological. I'm wondering...where, exactly, do these mental illness issues come from? My brain? I mean...my brain cells must be working over time, lol. So that's kinda odd...

...anyway, this is a praise report and yet another prayer request. I get to have a life, for the first time ever. I'm not miserable, I"m not filled with pain and self-(everything), and drugs and this that and the other thing. Life and that more abundantly...

...and a praise for waking up. The mental health people I go to now say I'm "in recovery from severe bipolar I w/ psychotic features," which is only different from Schizophrenia (as best I can tell) in terms of the meds you take and some symptoms are a little different. So..."recovery."

The neighbors still talk of warrants and prison and my past and...and...there's nothing I can do. Pray for them, too. I've started (they're lumped in under "enemies"), and that helps tremendously. And pray for me, please. Waking up is confusing, wonderful, beautiful. I have real, genuine emotions again. I care about other people. I'm developing a work ethic and a moral compass.

And pray that I wake up fully. And that I stay free, in society.

Thanks

You are a beautiful human.

 

[Christ_empowered]

It occurs to me, now that my intelligence is back in action, that a lot of what I went through is simply from stigma. To say its because I'm stigmatized doesn't mean that its there's not a spiritual component. Far from it...."the devil is in the details." Anyway...

...I'm focusing on my classes at Liberty. They start Monday, which will be a most excellent day for this guy, trust me. I'm considering eventually taking an online writer's workshop. I'm not about to breeze into a "real time" writing class here locally. I think the online format would probably be a better idea for me. Part of God's work in my life has been to bless me with something I've always wanted, possibly even before I could actually read and write, namely: to write, and write well. The quality of my short stories is improving. I think I have the essential style down, I have been blessed with a voice of my own, its just a matter of better dialogue and character devlopment, etc.

Sometimes, when I'm outside smoking, I close my eyes and visualize Christ on The Cross, and then a red current of His blood washing over me and my past. Helps tremendously. I have no idea where, exactly, God wants to go with my life, but I pray that He keeps me safe and close to my family. Counseling seems a reasonable career choice, at least at this point. With a M.Div., I could counsel in a community health setting. No job in mental health is what I'd call "ideal," but...at least in community mental health they deal with "the least of these" on a regular basis, and usually there are laws and regulations in place that protect the patients (these days called "clients," sometimes "consumers") from abuse. I may just be thinking out loud. A former psychiatrist (community health) recommended that I become a counselor.

My latest and greatest prayer is to focus on other people, ideas, things outside of myself. Self-centeredness has been a real problem for me most of my life, and I think too much pain while socially isolated may have reinforced that rather than corrected it. Being allowed to write it out here, at CFnet, has been amazingly helpful for me. My one attempt at intensive psychotherapy a couple years back triggered an episode of psychotic depression. Valuable life lesson learned: too much reflection, not enough progress forward, not enough prayer and faith, and you go nuts. OK. I'm still learning that one.

 

[GrannyJ]

May your prayers continue to be answered, including those for your enemies. May they too come to know the love of Jesus.