[__ Prayer __] I'd like to ask for prayers...

[Claudya]

... well I'm really bad at this....

I could use some prayers, becaue my mental health is really bad. I several diagnoses and my chances for a full recovery are very slim.

My life is very unsatisfying, and I feel empty, shallow, worthless and boring.
Most of all I would love to be able to trust people and bond with them. I would like to be able to love and care for things.

 

[farouk]

... well I'm really bad at this....

I could use some prayers, becaue my mental health is really bad. I several diagnoses and my chances for a full recovery are very slim.

My life is very unsatisfying, and I feel empty, shallow, worthless and boring.
Most of all I would love to be able to trust people and bond with them. I would like to be able to love and care for things.

Claudya:

Read John's First Epistle trustingly, and you will see the theme of the love relationship vertically from God, rather than horizontally among people, although this aspect is certainly there, too.

 

[farouk]

PS: The first three chapters of John's gospel also tie in very well with these themes of the love of God to sinners.

You know something, Claudya: I find John 3.16 an inexhaustible verse to meditate on.

As you trust God Word, God bless it to you in challenge and comfort.

 

[Claudya]

I just read the first letter of John, it's really sad but that was the first time I read the Bible outside of church service in this year.
It's really hard to stay focussed on a long text like that. My attention span is horrible, and my mind keeps wandering away from God's word, back into my misery.

All my thinking, aware or unaware, is about how I can make people love me, care for me, give me attention and be my friends. That what my entire being is about. But due to my self-absorbedness I have never learned to really care for someone. It's all just about me and about how my social needs aren't met. I'm unable to really relate to someone, even if somebody is actually interested in being my friend. For the most part of the time my only true emotions are envy and anger.

What I understand is that I need to let go of those needs for admiration and attention, sacrifice them or trust that God will fulfill them, and truely care for God and for others' needs instead. But I'm way too angry to surrender.

Since 1. John 3:12 is speaking about Cain, I know exactly what Cain felt like when he killed his brother. Few verses later John writes about how people that hate their sisters and brothers are murderers too and murder doesn't go well with eternal life, maybe God nudged you, Farouk, to point me to that epistle as a warning. And as an encouragement, because why would God warn me if He'd lost hope about me.

 

[farouk]

I just read the first letter of John, it's really sad but that was the first time I read the Bible outside of church service in this year.
It's really hard to stay focussed on a long text like that. My attention span is horrible, and my mind keeps wandering away from God's word, back into my misery.

All my thinking, aware or unaware, is about how I can make people love me, care for me, give me attention and be my friends. That what my entire being is about. But due to my self-absorbedness I have never learned to really care for someone. It's all just about me and about how my social needs aren't met. I'm unable to really relate to someone, even if somebody is actually interested in being my friend. For the most part of the time my only true emotions are envy and anger.

What I understand is that I need to let go of those needs for admiration and attention, sacrifice them or trust that God will fulfill them, and truely care for God and for others' needs instead. But I'm way too angry to surrender.

Since 1. John 3:12 is speaking about Cain, I know exactly what Cain felt like when he killed his brother. Few verses later John writes about how people that hate their sisters and brothers are murderers too and murder doesn't go well with eternal life, maybe God nudged you, Farouk, to point me to that epistle as a warning. And as an encouragement, because why would God warn me if He'd lost hope about me.

Claudya: I'm simply passing on a suggestion as a result of what I experienced in reading John's first Epistle; this is how God by His Spirit uses the Word to bless and guide people. I know in the past I've found it very searching. Anyway, it's a good idea to read the Bible every day, in a trusting, prayerful way. Job could say: 'I have esteemed the words of thy mouth more than my necessary food' (Job 23.12). The Scriptures as a whole draw us in faith to the Person and sin-atoning work of the Lord Jesus at the Cross; this is the key. Blessings.

 

[Claudya]

I'm really wondering what is wrong with me why I have such a hard time finding friends. I've been an outcast from childhood on.
How do I know if GOd loves me? How do I know that He even exists?

What kind of posts would I have to make to become a popular forum member? How can I make all of you my friends? How can I stop being a piece of dirt and become a human being?

 

[farouk]

Claudya: from a Godward perspective, Hebrews chapter 11 has some answers, I think.

Keep looking up, and trusting God to show you the way from His Word.

 

[AIR]

I'm really wondering what is wrong with me why I have such a hard time finding friends. I've been an outcast from childhood on.
How do I know if GOd loves me? How do I know that He even exists?

What kind of posts would I have to make to become a popular forum member? How can I make all of you my friends? How can I stop being a piece of dirt and become a human being?

I'm praying for you Claudya. You've got my prayers. I've got an anxiety disorder (it has not ever been diagnosed because I never wanted to but I know I've got an anxiety disorder) and sometimes my life been very hard, sometimes I feel like nothing exists. It's very awfull feeling, you're shocked and scared because you feel like that nothing exists, either you. Then you start thinking what if I don't exists what exists and where am I what happens now what what what!?! It's something like that, it starts from beginning and grows up until I can't stay still, I've got to take deep breath and relax myself. ed!
Trusting and praying God has helped me a lot in my anxiety problems. Really, all we need is put our trust in God and his son Jesus Christ. Don't ask yourself stupid questions because more you think about these things more anguished you'll get. Just put your trust in God and let him handle your problems. I can't remember the scripture but it was something like let God take care of your worries and problems.

Blessings

 

[AirDancer]

I generally return to Ecclesiastes 3 or Psalms when I need a boost up in morale. Reading & studying Scripture is always a necessity...and provides such comfort when I focus solely on what I'm reading.

There is something I would recommend to you for consideration. After praying about it, visit your local nursing home/retirement home/old folks' home (not sure what they are called in your area). At the front desk, ask if there is any woman who does not receive visitors on a regular basis. Then seek permission to visit that woman. After introductions are out of the way, explain that you feel at loose ends, that life has presented so many challenges, and you are seeking the advice of a wise woman on how to live life with real purpose. Then sit back and listen , really listen, to what she has to say. In time, you will have developed a true friendship and have learned quite a lot. In addition, you will have brought joy and comfort to someone else.

It will mean making a commitment to visiting the person on a regular basis, perhaps once a week or so, depending upon your availability. But it is truly worth while, and it draws you out of yourself. You'll learn fascinating details about life decades' ago, and the various challenges presented to the person with whom you talk. You'll also soon find that you will look forward to visiting the person, and will think more about how to bring that extra smile to another person. In the process, you'll become a friend, and will release the bonds that retain you from forming close friendships with others.

By the way, you are far from "being a piece of dirt," as you put it. I, for one, enjoy reading what you have posted and have never considered you as less than a human being. We each have our insecurities/issues that we're working on with the help of our Lord God. Not a single one of us is perfect. You're in my prayers, my friend. And please do give some thought to what I have suggested.

 

[Deborah13]

What a great suggestion!

 

[Claudya]

Thanks for your prayers and for your answers to this thread! It's very appreciated!

AirDancer, your suggestions is awesome. ;-) I do actually volunteer in a senior people residence three times a week spending time with the elder inhabitants, taking them on walks, reading stories to them or just spend time talking. Due to me abysmal mental health I'm not able to hold a job, so I fill my time with volunteer work and studying stuff.
Volunteering at the nursery home is good work. However, I still suffer a lot from myself when doing that work. I'm extremely insecure and feeling so insecure is very painful. It's like not being in control of what is happening to me. So basically that work is horror for me. I can't really focus on those people because my mind is spinning around thinking of whether I'm doing everything right. It's really terrible to exist like that. Self-confidence and sound self-love are so important. There is no love for others and no selflessness without those things.
God has given my an intelligent brain and a healthy body, I wonder why He made my soul too weak to actually put the talents He gave me to good use.

Please keep praying for me. With God's help I'll learn to love myself and other, and will get out of this dark hole. But it's gonna be a rough road.

 

[JCitoL]

the purification of the faith is the best solution in such cases, i.e. to forget all unsure and negative things in the faith and to mind only the good things therein perfecting yourself in the love/good treatment towards the other people

Blessings

 

[AirDancer]

Thanks for your prayers and for your answers to this thread! It's very appreciated!

AirDancer, your suggestions is awesome. ;-) I do actually volunteer in a senior people residence three times a week spending time with the elder inhabitants, taking them on walks, reading stories to them or just spend time talking. Due to me abysmal mental health I'm not able to hold a job, so I fill my time with volunteer work and studying stuff.
Volunteering at the nursery home is good work. However, I still suffer a lot from myself when doing that work. I'm extremely insecure and feeling so insecure is very painful. It's like not being in control of what is happening to me. So basically that work is horror for me. I can't really focus on those people because my mind is spinning around thinking of whether I'm doing everything right. It's really terrible to exist like that. Self-confidence and sound self-love are so important. There is no love for others and no selflessness without those things.
God has given my an intelligent brain and a healthy body, I wonder why He made my soul too weak to actually put the talents He gave me to good use.

Please keep praying for me. With God's help I'll learn to love myself and other, and will get out of this dark hole. But it's gonna be a rough road.

You rock, Claudya! Working with the elderly is such a precious gift of love you are sharing with others. Your unselfish efforts bring joy and light to their individual worlds. Thank you for doing what you can to make their lives just that much more pleasant - you are doing God's will by doing so!

I'd say you have a very strong & healthy soul, along with an intelligent brain... I'll take your word about your body! The real problem is the insecurity, the self-doubt. You could probably spend hours dwelling on that; each of us could about ourselves, for that matter. You should instead concentrate on your strengths. You already know that our Lord God loves you dearly. He has confidence in you, that through the relationship you have with Him, you will achieve all He has in mind for you.

Plus, you have some good, reliable friends here at CFnet I know we're not exactly next-door neighbors to you, but we are here on the other side of the Internet. And your presence here is most welcome!

Now, what are your interests? What would you do if you weren't occasionally crippled by insecurity? (Mind you, I'm definitely NOT making light of your situation.) What steps would it take to secure a position in the job of your choice, if the fears, the self-doubts were removed?

Many of us here have experienced degrees of self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, insecurity. Through giving your entire life, your being, everything you are & have, to our Lord, He will guide you through the dark morass and into the light. Will life always be wonderful? Nope. We each go through times of testing - what I call my times of trials & tribulations. Right now, you're facing some major challenges. You've also taken some solid steps towards conquering those challenges, and for this, you are to be commended!

Prayers continue for your continued growth, my friend.

 

[Paul1965]

Claudya, "empty, shallow, worthless, boring, a piece of dirt"?! Definitely NOT!!
Your post's are far from it. They show deep understanding of the world and of God and His word.They also show your humour and outlook on life, which comes across as positive. That is not something you can fake.

I only have to think of the beautiful prayer you offered for Thayanee and junior paul /paulette, to know you care and have compassion for others. That is not being selfish or self centred, far from it. You know how I felt about that prayer from my PM to you so I'll leave it at that.

We as humans all crave company and acceptance to varying degrees. What we sometimes don't realize is that those around us do in fact accept and love us for who we are. But maybe they don't show it the way we expect them to, or how we would show those same feelings. It doesn't mean that they feel any less. Some people find it hard to show affection or love to even their dearest loved ones. for them,it's usually not until something really dire happens that they show their true feelings and their love and compassion shines brightly.

How do you know God loves you? Because the Bible says so! And the bible is His word, so you can trust in it without question. He doesn't lie.
End of story. Period. Nuff said.

How can you make people on this forum like you and be your friends? You can't. But look what's happening here. The people who do like you and care about you are replying here.
You're on my friends list and I'm sure a lot of others'. But we can't please everyone.
God knows with my abrasive personality there are a heck of a lot of people who probably don't like me. Okay, fair enough. Their choice.

Self doubt is something that plagues so many of us from childhood. Usually thanks to bullying from other kids, parents or the worst from teachers!
One of the greatest things in life is proving these naysaying bad eggs wrong. It doesn't mean they'll necessarily know you're better than them or you've proven that you are a great person, but the important thing is YOU WILL KNOW and will be able to blow raspberries at them! Also take heart in knowing that as the people responsible for your insecurities mocked you or judge you, "So too will they be judged"
(Mr Hearn, My God has a long memory mate, and oh boy! are you gonna be in trouble one day!)

Claudya, I won't lie to you, it's hard to overcome,but remember Philippians 4:13. You can Do ALL THINGS including defeating the negativity in your life through Christ and your faith in Him.
I Know because I've walked quite a few miles in your shoes.

Our most Holy father in heaven, please help this young lady in her time of trial and anguish. Help her to see herself as I and other brothers and sisters see her. As a wise, caring and loving sister. Bless her with the tools she needs to overcome the darkness of self doubt, so that she may enjoy all the blessings you give her in this life and eternity, that she prospers in life and helps to bring even more praise and glory to your name. Ipray this in your precious son Jesus Christ's name.
Amen

 

[Speculative]

Claudya, I'd say you are already a popular forum member. I always enjoy your posts. Having suffered from depression myself, I will be sure to remember to keep you on my prayer list. I'd also like to recommend you spending some time in the Psalms. Most of them are pretty short, so if you have a short attention span, that shouldn't be a problem. Also, you may identify with a lot of them as David pours his heart out to God, and you may get encouragement from the praises in the other Psalms. I also always recommend Ecclesiastes to people. It's my favorite book of the Bible. In it, Solomon despairs of worldly wisdom and pleasures and finally concludes that following God is the only real way to have a fulfilling life. I received a lot of insight from that book during my depressed times.

Hope some of this helps, and know that I'll be praying for you.

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

Hi Claudya, how are you doing today?

 

[stovebolts]

I'm really wondering what is wrong with me why I have such a hard time finding friends. I've been an outcast from childhood on.
How do I know if GOd loves me? How do I know that He even exists?

What kind of posts would I have to make to become a popular forum member? How can I make all of you my friends? How can I stop being a piece of dirt and become a human being?

Awww, don't feel that way. Your my friend just because your you.

I hope your feeling better and I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.

 

[jasoncran]

I'm really wondering what is wrong with me why I have such a hard time finding friends. I've been an outcast from childhood on.
How do I know if GOd loves me? How do I know that He even exists?

What kind of posts would I have to make to become a popular forum member? How can I make all of you my friends? How can I stop being a piece of dirt and become a human being?

we are more alike then I thought. far more. while I have my struggles with that still. there is hope. I have come to Christ because of these issues. I have changed but I have much to change. look for what good God has done for you and to you and thank him. while this wont remove the realities of what does need to be changed. its good to be thankful and its good to do this as we often look for the bad and find it. if we look for the good it will be there.

 

[Claudya]

Awww, don't feel that way. Your my friend just because your you.

I hope your feeling better and I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.

This thread was posted more than half a year ago. Maybe that's why you didn't see it sooner, because it wasn't an active thread for several months.
Anyway, I still feel pretty bad very often. Even maintaining my low level of everyday life adjustment is a huge struggle, I can't even think of pursuing dreams or living like a grown up woman.

You know what, I could write a dozen posts about how miserable I am, but that won't change anything other than making me feel more miserable.
I pray that God will turn me into a selfless, capable, adventurous, warm and fun person.
Also I'm glad and feel honoured you consider me a friend, because I have often felt inspired by things you posted and I think you are an awesome person.

 

[Claudya]

we are more alike then I thought. far more. while I have my struggles with that still. there is hope. I have come to Christ because of these issues. I have changed but I have much to change. look for what good God has done for you and to you and thank him. while this wont remove the realities of what does need to be changed. its good to be thankful and its good to do this as we often look for the bad and find it. if we look for the good it will be there.

Yeah I guess we have similar mental issues. It's strange, if you see those psychological problems in somebody else you realise how pointless and unjustified all that self-loathing and all those self-doubts are, but for some reason it's still not possible to change it in oneself. :-(

When I'm really down it's pretty hard to see anything good that God has done in my life though. There seems to be more decline than improvement.