Importance of physical beauty

[venturemind]

Hello all, not sure if this is the right place to post this but im new to CF.net.

This issue has been tearing at me for a while now.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend after a 2 month relationship. While I gave my reasons for breaking up with her, which to some degree were legitimate, the ultimate reason which I didn't tell her was because I wasn't as physically attracted to her as Id like to be.

I dont think she's ugly, but for some reason I didn't think she was attractive either. I asked her out thinking that this is something I could get over and I would grow to be attracted to her physically as well as spiritually.

I decided to end it before it got more serious and we were getting serious already.

We got along well and our views on marriage, Jesus and life were very similar. The dates we went out on were fun.

I feel terrible, and perhaps rightly so. But I feel she didn't deserve someone who thinks she's not attractive, she's probably one of the most God fearing women I have ever met.

I know the bible says that we the heart of the woman is what adorns her but why is it so difficult for me to see that? What should I do? Was I wrong to do this?

Now every time I do see a woman that I think is attractive I feel guilty for desiring them regardless of how God fearing they are.

 

[Shamrock Lassie]

I really can't judge you as a bad person. I mean, personally I see myself as a very unattractive woman, but I'd be lying if I said I've never turned men down based on their appearance alone. I do think you were in the right - it would hurt her a lot more to continue the relationship feeling any kind of doubt and lying to both her and yourself. One of my girl friends was in a similar relationship - she's a fairly good-looking young woman, and she was with a guy most girls like her wouldn't date. She thought she could fall in love with him and look past his appearance. ... Two years later she crushed the poor boy's heart like a grape under her foot just by being blatantly honest with him.

I think you have to love everything about a person (even their flaws) to make a relationship work. If you can't love their flaws, then it's probably best to let both of you find a better person.

 

[farouk]

venturemind:

Two things.

Pray for her; pray that she will be blessed.

Look at your own heart in the light of Scripture. Moving beyond the issue of your friendships with particular people, read what Paul says in Ephesians about the 'inner man', which is fashioned by God to true holiness. Consider hard what your priorities are, and ought to be.

(Also at a more subjective, and far less important, level: be aware that a lady can soon be transformed by a bit of jewelry and make up! but this is very superficial, in terms of deeper values. Also, did you ever consider that a particular lady might, for example, have liked YOU to wear studs in your ears? It's a two way street, you know ... )

 

[Pizzaguy]

In one or more way, you MUST be attracted to the person. It's as simple as that.


But I'd not let it bother you, I remember a girlfriend of about 15 years ago, blonde, blue-eyed and adorable. One smile from her and my whole life lit up!!! She was about as cute a a 35 year old woman could be.
I ended it with her due to, well, never mind why.




Anyway, I found a picture of her when I moved last year - I was surprised that she really wasn't THAT gorgeous after all!

My point is that "attractive" can take many forms - and love can convince you she (he?) is better looking than others think.

Perhaps you are a pig - but I suspect that, the fact is, she just wasn't the 'one' for you.

 

[handy]

Perhaps you are a pig - but I suspect that, the fact is, she just wasn't the 'one' for you.

While I don't believe in the idea of "the one"... I still agree mainly with what Pizzaguy is saying... If she was a person that you were connecting with at a deep level, you'd find her beautiful.

It's so difficult to say what will make people attracted to each other... Myself, when I was young I was cute as a button, but never beautiful. On the other hand, I did manage to date some drop-dead, Hollywood movie star quality looking guys...and failed to find them attractive. Then I became older, somewhat lumpy and dumpy and met my husband, who was pretty doggone good looking himself.. and he swears I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever met. :dunno

We call it "love goggles" here.. sort of like beer goggles but you don't have to drink to experience it.

You said, "I feel she didn't deserve someone who thinks she's not attractive"... and you are so one-hundred percent correct about this. And, you also need to be with someone you find attractive as well.

...and who knows, as shallow as you might be thinking you are, you might wind up with someone you think is the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world... and your buddies will be secretly thinking to themselves, "love goggles".

 

[jasoncran]

those love goggles got me into some bad relationships. man.

 

[venturemind]

Thanks for the replies guys, appreciate your thoughts. I think the love goggles thing is right and my perception of beauty can very will change in the future. I guess im really worried about what this says about me as a person. In terms of her inner beauty, its all there but I couldn't get over this one, very superficial thing. I have been praying to God that physical beauty does not become the most important thing for me which really took me by surprise as I always thought I could look deeper than that.

Thanks for the posts.

 

[Blazin Bones]

It's not an issue of shallowness or selfishness here. This is an honest decision, and as long as you can get to where you feel right with God, you're fine. While it is fully possible to grow to love someone beyond their appearance, it is not something we are meant to do without God's help. When we are brought by God to a spouse, He needs to have the right to adjust our lives. If this is something that has not been adjusted, it may just be the means of God allowing you to see this relationship is not what He plans for you. However, if you are feeling in anyway in conflict with the Lord, find out why and let him show you what needs to happen next.

 

[venturemind]

With regards to being in Conflict with God I feel I am. I feel that God some how wants me to be with this person and that I will become attracted to her with time and as my mind becomes transformed. Does God work like that. I can never know when God is talking to me or if its just me thinking and projecting those thoughts on to God.

Since we go to the same church I always feel an immense amount of guilt and shame when I see her because I keep thinking that I bailed out for no good reason and the fact that she was hurt by me breaking up with her. Its all so confusing.