Is He even close, active?

[WhereisHe?]

The chance you will understand the condition of my heart is low, but my soul is crying and I don’t know how to comfort it.

I read a lot of scriptures. I had to do it in order to keep it in my heart. But after a lot of reading, my heart started to change, to a point that I had to stop reading.
All the words I ever read and believed, I wanted them to be true, not just in my understanding, but in real life. My heart and soul started to thirst, think of things I did not know could be true and possible. I started to desire something I don’t know, I started to dream and desire to heal broken people. I’d close my eyes and imagine it. I started to question what it really means to know the truth, and what it really is, because all I read was not happening in my life and around me. Jesus stole my heart, and eventually my life - I can’t stop thinking of Him. But my desires that are not even my own, are not being fulfilled. I cannot remove them. Everyday I expect God, every day I go to sleep with sadness, that comes from a real thirst of Him, my belief and faith what He can do, yet nothing. Why is He so inactive, my soul asketh. I wanted to stop believe, I stop reading, but my soul is so uncontrollable, refusing to be calmed down, I’ve never gone through it, it’s like a thing that keeps seeking, you say calm down, take a rest, but it keeps seeking. You are tired of this guessing game, strong desires. It’s so overwhelming I’d wish to stop the strong feeling in me, and just forget.

I don’t want my own life. I’m too aware how life is short. I crave to be a living sacrifice, I can’t think otherwise anymore. I want people to really know the Creator, I want Christians not be confused what Jesus’ words mean. I want plain truth, plain Jesus. Oh, how I wish one soul would underhand, where my words come from.

 

[WhereisHe?]

After reading your message, it seems you may be eagerly seeking some spiritual achievement or tangible evidence. However, this isn’t how things unfold.

Right now, you’re receiving exactly what you need for your personal growth—not necessarily what you wish for, but what is essential for your development. We must always be willing to set aside our immediate desires to embrace our true responsibilities, which often requires sacrifice. Yet, at the end of this journey, you’ll uncover a completely new perspective. You’ll come to understand that the guiding hand behind our life events has a far greater vision than we do, and we must remain open to its lessons. No personal plan or expectation can match the depth of its wisdom.

In summary, be patient.

I understand, and that’s what I’ve been saying to others all the time. But these are not my desires, I don’t want them for myself. If I could I’d deny them, because they are too strong in me. Why God, why you don’t let others understand.

 

[LOOKING]

Why God, why you don’t let others understand.

What exactly are you hoping to find? I’m not sure what it is that you want.

 

[Vaccine]

The chance you will understand the condition of my heart is low, but my soul is crying and I don’t know how to comfort it.

I read a lot of scriptures. I had to do it in order to keep it in my heart. But after a lot of reading, my heart started to change, to a point that I had to stop reading.
All the words I ever read and believed, I wanted them to be true, not just in my understanding, but in real life. My heart and soul started to thirst, think of things I did not know could be true and possible. I started to desire something I don’t know, I started to dream and desire to heal broken people. I’d close my eyes and imagine it. I started to question what it really means to know the truth, and what it really is, because all I read was not happening in my life and around me. Jesus stole my heart, and eventually my life - I can’t stop thinking of Him. But my desires that are not even my own, are not being fulfilled. I cannot remove them. Everyday I expect God, every day I go to sleep with sadness, that comes from a real thirst of Him, my belief and faith what He can do, yet nothing. Why is He so inactive, my soul asketh. I wanted to stop believe, I stop reading, but my soul is so uncontrollable, refusing to be calmed down, I’ve never gone through it, it’s like a thing that keeps seeking, you say calm down, take a rest, but it keeps seeking. You are tired of this guessing game, strong desires. It’s so overwhelming I’d wish to stop the strong feeling in me, and just forget.

I don’t want my own life. I’m too aware how life is short. I crave to be a living sacrifice, I can’t think otherwise anymore. I want people to really know the Creator, I want Christians not be confused what Jesus’ words mean. I want plain truth, plain Jesus. Oh, how I wish one soul would underhand, where my words come from.

I can speak for myself and my family. Jesus has been close everyday for sometime now. It's like one of those perspective art pieces or hidden 3d images in the color palette. Once you see it you can't unsee it. Once we found that connection to Jesus, we can't undo it. We feel his presence every day of our lives. We're blessed enough to have seen angels and have Jesus talk to us in our dreams.
My wife has had numerous health issues, which we all pray for regularly. We understand she may never be healed and it keeps us humble. We know she's living on borrowed time so we're all grateful for every day. We have found His grace is sufficient for us.

"especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

 

[Hidden In Him]

I understand, and that’s what I’ve been saying to others all the time. But these are not my desires, I don’t want them for myself. If I could I’d deny them, because they are too strong in me. Why God, why you don’t let others understand.

In short, just pursue the Lord Jesus Christ with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength, sister.

I just checked and you are 21 years of age. I was just getting born again when I was that age, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Scripture says that He gives us the desires of our hearts, so if you continue seeking Him and refuse to let go like Jacob refused to, you will have the desires of your heart eventually.

Blessings in Christ, and refuse to give up until you have what you want from Him.
Hidden In Him

 

[Bruce.Leiter]

The chance you will understand the condition of my heart is low, but my soul is crying and I don’t know how to comfort it.

I read a lot of scriptures. I had to do it in order to keep it in my heart. But after a lot of reading, my heart started to change, to a point that I had to stop reading.
All the words I ever read and believed, I wanted them to be true, not just in my understanding, but in real life. My heart and soul started to thirst, think of things I did not know could be true and possible. I started to desire something I don’t know, I started to dream and desire to heal broken people. I’d close my eyes and imagine it. I started to question what it really means to know the truth, and what it really is, because all I read was not happening in my life and around me. Jesus stole my heart, and eventually my life - I can’t stop thinking of Him. But my desires that are not even my own, are not being fulfilled. I cannot remove them. Everyday I expect God, every day I go to sleep with sadness, that comes from a real thirst of Him, my belief and faith what He can do, yet nothing. Why is He so inactive, my soul asketh. I wanted to stop believe, I stop reading, but my soul is so uncontrollable, refusing to be calmed down, I’ve never gone through it, it’s like a thing that keeps seeking, you say calm down, take a rest, but it keeps seeking. You are tired of this guessing game, strong desires. It’s so overwhelming I’d wish to stop the strong feeling in me, and just forget.

I don’t want my own life. I’m too aware how life is short. I crave to be a living sacrifice, I can’t think otherwise anymore. I want people to really know the Creator, I want Christians not be confused what Jesus’ words mean. I want plain truth, plain Jesus. Oh, how I wish one soul would underhand, where my words come from.

What I hear you saying is that there seems to be a big difference between your experience and the Bible's promises. I would say to you that God's promises take a lifetime for him to fulfill them gradually. Your writing is hard to follow.

Just know that your confusion is natural, since Satan attacks us a lot more after we become believers.

Also, stop depending on your emotions, which often deceive us, and use your reasoning to understand more and more about God, and PRAY..., PRAY..., PRAY... for God's guidance through Jesus for your life's direction. He will show you in due time. You are on my daily prayer list now.

 

[WhereisHe?]

In short, just pursue the Lord Jesus Christ with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength, sister.

I just checked and you are 21 years of age. I was just getting born again when I was that age, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Scripture says that He gives us the desires of our hearts, so if you continue seeking Him and refuse to let go like Jacob refused to, you will have the desires of your heart eventually.

Blessings in Christ, and refuse to give up until you have what you want from Him.
Hidden In Him

Thanks. I can’t even give up, because I love holiness, and only Jesus stood for it.

But I heard of Jesus for the first time in my life when I was 18. At 20 I got born again - denied anything that He would not be pleased with, for Him I done it.

I read the Bible without stopping, in fact I had to read it in order to keep it in my heart and mind. But it all changed few months ago, where it’s all in the deepest places, I take no effort to mind the things of God, not to forget Him in our busy world. But the more dedicated you become, the less you have of yourself.. the more you expect to receive, because your power to serve starts to be of no use, Jesus said the human power is of no use, people can’t even worship God without Him.

Jesus’ words are like the sharpest sword. When I think about Him I get so weak, out of pure love, I am vulnerable before Him. I desire Him with all of my soul, day and night. I really wish to know Him personally. I really wish to heal other people, I really wish all this world to be saved, isn’t it why Jesus come, doesnt He has the greatest compassion, what yet over people He made.

This verse keeps running in my mind
John 14
12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.

I want to continue in His steps, not just in holiness, but in power and domination, that only a living God has.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Thanks. I can’t even give up, because I love holiness, and only Jesus stood for it.

But I heard of Jesus for the first time in my life when I was 18. At 20 I got born again - denied anything that He would not be pleased with, for Him I done it.

I read the Bible without stopping, in fact I had to read it in order to keep it in my heart and mind. But it all changed few months ago, where it’s all in the deepest places, I take no effort to mind the things of God, not to forget Him in our busy world. But the more dedicated you become, the less you have of yourself.. the more you expect to receive, because your power to serve starts to be of no use, Jesus said the human power is of no use, people can’t even worship God without Him.

Jesus’ words are like the sharpest sword. When I think about Him I get so weak, out of pure love, I am vulnerable before Him. I desire Him with all of my soul, day and night. I really wish to know Him personally. I really wish to heal other people, I really wish all this world to be saved, isn’t it why Jesus come, doesnt He has the greatest compassion, what yet over people He made.

This verse keeps running in my mind
John 14
12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.

I want to continue in His steps, not just in holiness, but in power and domination, that only a living God has.

Well I like your spirit. I don't know you of course, but your posts portray someone who is going through stages of Christian growth at a more accelerated state than most, so I do pray you continue seeking Him.

So are you Pentecostal or Charismatic in your theology or practice yet, or do you not yet know about such things?

 

[Blade]

I heard about John 3:16 at what 9 or so and I read it and did it. later in life I read luke 11:13 and did it.

Not sure if your asking in general or personal. Does remind me of the song playing by Bob Carlisle "Giving You the Rest Of My Life"

We walk by faith. This life hits us all. Its in those moment we stand.. its when so much sadness or pain of any kind comes.. I praise Him I thank Him for it even though I know He had no hand in it. He has and will always deliver use out of it. He always makes a way where there is no way. And in those moments when we get our eyes on Him.. oh praise GOD GLORY GLORY GLORY TO JESUS He is there and.. we wonder.. how did I not always see Him know He was there holding leading and the sweet sweet holy Spirit. See its faith. Like hits us all but He is here.. He never left. .. we really need to keep our eyes on Him. Think He gave us His peace, His joy, His strength, His armor on and on. AWESOME.. the song you are the KING OF ALL KINGS! Whos eyes are on the lord "The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry". Then Peter quotes it again.

Were told a few times to forget those times that are behind us. That means just a min ago. Yeah.. so much is going on around us but keep our eyes no matter what on Him. Isa 41 10 comes to mind "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Its yours.. His word is out side of time. So though its been thousands of years for us.. He just said that ..to you in this moment. If God is for us who can be against us.. what can mere man do to me "The LORD is on my side, He is among those who help me; Therefore I will look [in triumph] on those who hate me."