[__ Prayer __] Jesus still heals

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again ((thanks for reading all these posts, btw...)).

A while back...over 4 1/2 years ago, maybe 5 years ago...I said "Jesus healed me." It was...sad. To be fair, I wasn't even saved then, not really. I was 28 (I think...its kinda blurry, now...). I'd been drugged, done drugs, been bashed on the head with a pipe. I'd been thru 2x rounds of heavy, involuntary, shock "treatments." My parents were never going to forgive me for who I'd been, what I'd done, plus...well, I was pathetic, they're high-achievers....wasn't gonna happen. Nope.

OK, so then lots of stuff happened. I ended up getting genuinely, truly saved---by a Miracle, of course--about 4 1/2 years ago. Maybe its always a miracle whenever anyone gets truly saved, and its just more obviously a miracle with some of us (I'm thinking the more obviously wretched ones here, in particular...) than others? I dunno.

I'll soon be 33. --eeek--- not old, not really "young" in a youth-obsessed culture that looks at 25 or so as the beginning of the end. LOL. It is what it is...

I was fully expected to be dead by 23. I looked liked I was near death around 22/23, too. And now...

I'm healthy. I have a normal light in my eyes. I'm smart (the all-important IQ estimate is apparently up to snuff, lol....). All those problems I had for so long...gone. Gone along with those problems....the old me, too. Its for the best, of course. "You must die to be born again."

Ugh. The other evening, I was chillin in bed. Lazy, I know. I had a headache, so I was just takin' a breather. A woman over at --that-- neighbor's yard yelled out something like "Faggot! Jesus didn't HEAL YOU!!!!," and her tone was...wow. Intense, let's put it that way.

That set of neighbors messes with me a lot, which is kinda strange....its a decent part of a small southern town. My parents have the big house in the neighborhood, the bigger yard, etc. I'm not saying that to brag--I was broke as a joke myself, people used to call me "trailer trash f@ggot," etc.--I'm just saying that because I think there might be some social class issues to some of the "tension" that surrounds me around here.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts today (yet again...). I almost always do the drive thru. I'm gonna stop now. Their iced coffee is good and all, and its not --as-- over-priced as a lot of other places, but...some workers were saying "he thinks Jesus healed him," while I was waiting for my drink. Not cool, not cool at all.

Point is (I think I have one...), when I said "Jesus healed me!," I wasn't genuinely saved, and I was only alive at all--limping along, brain damaged, all that--by God's grace. He is Good, after all.

Now, I've been bona fide saved 4 1/2 years. Not a whole lot of time, but...I feel+think+believe that now I have enough time with The Lord to be...I dunno...a little more seasoned, a little more mature in the faith, at least...well, at the very least, by God's grace, I'm not nearly as double-minded and unsteady in all my ways. Always a good thing...

I'm not the same person. I see now that The Lord moves in different peoples' lives differently. He knows what He's doing. In my case, I really needed to be re-created. Whatever I'd had...either I'd thrown it away or it had been snatched from me. Honestly, Mental Health, Inc. took things from me that I didn't even know I had.

So, now, it seems that people are getting riled up about me even daring to --think-- that Jesus healed me. That hits a nerve with me. Jesus was poor. The Disciples were mostly lower status, mostly unlearned men. Many of the early Christians were slaves, poor people, and women. Jesus saves anybody, true, but The Good News has an emphasis on "the least of these" that one doesn't find in other "world religions." Why shouldn't Jesus heal a wretched, "over-the-hill flamer" ? Or...anyone?

Ugh. This is part ramble, part Praise Report, part prayer request. I Praise God for His infinite goodness. Call it what you will....I don't have the problems I had, I have a new way of being ("personality"), my parents now love me and take good care of me, and I've somehow managed to actually grow up a good bit, in Christ. Healed? I dunno. Now, when I think "healed," I think...return to baseline, maybe a bit above. Suzy has bad asthma. She's healed. Now, she's a healthier, better, more productive Suzy. But my case? A return to baseline would have been utterly pointless. I get that now. So now...I'm a New Creation in Christ Jesus, and The Lord has willed for that to play out at all levels, even physically. I'm blessed. I definitely needed+need that, that's for sure. But..."healed" ?

And, of course: this is a Prayer Request. I really do appreciate all of you who pray for my family and me. I do. At this point, I just ask to keep those prayers coming, because...wow. When I hear people talking about this, its not just what they're saying, its the --tone--. I'm not nearly as fearful as I was, Praise God, but it is...disconcerting, let's put it that way. As in: was it not enough to torment me for so long, to "make an example" out of me when I was who and what I was? Apparently, no, it wasn't. Not enough, not nearly enough.

Ugh. I'd also like to Praise God for the freedom I have in Christ. Bondage, oppression, captivity...these things were huge parts of my existence, before Christ. He whom the Son has set free, indeed. At this point, I get a lot of nasty comments and stuff, but genuine, bona fide oppression....The Lord has set me free from a lot of it, already. I Praise Him for His goodness, and I pray for complete freedom.

Thanks for reading+your prayers, support, etc. I really do appreciate it.

 

[Eugene]

I'd also like to Praise God for the freedom I have in Christ.

A worthy testimony. Praying for you brother.

 

[childeye]

me, yet again ((thanks for reading all these posts, btw...)).

A while back...over 4 1/2 years ago, maybe 5 years ago...I said "Jesus healed me." It was...sad. To be fair, I wasn't even saved then, not really. I was 28 (I think...its kinda blurry, now...). I'd been drugged, done drugs, been bashed on the head with a pipe. I'd been thru 2x rounds of heavy, involuntary, shock "treatments." My parents were never going to forgive me for who I'd been, what I'd done, plus...well, I was pathetic, they're high-achievers....wasn't gonna happen. Nope.

OK, so then lots of stuff happened. I ended up getting genuinely, truly saved---by a Miracle, of course--about 4 1/2 years ago. Maybe its always a miracle whenever anyone gets truly saved, and its just more obviously a miracle with some of us (I'm thinking the more obviously wretched ones here, in particular...) than others? I dunno.

I'll soon be 33. --eeek--- not old, not really "young" in a youth-obsessed culture that looks at 25 or so as the beginning of the end. LOL. It is what it is...

I was fully expected to be dead by 23. I looked liked I was near death around 22/23, too. And now...

I'm healthy. I have a normal light in my eyes. I'm smart (the all-important IQ estimate is apparently up to snuff, lol....). All those problems I had for so long...gone. Gone along with those problems....the old me, too. Its for the best, of course. "You must die to be born again."

Ugh. The other evening, I was chillin in bed. Lazy, I know. I had a headache, so I was just takin' a breather. A woman over at --that-- neighbor's yard yelled out something like "Faggot! Jesus didn't HEAL YOU!!!!," and her tone was...wow. Intense, let's put it that way.

That set of neighbors messes with me a lot, which is kinda strange....its a decent part of a small southern town. My parents have the big house in the neighborhood, the bigger yard, etc. I'm not saying that to brag--I was broke as a joke myself, people used to call me "trailer trash f@ggot," etc.--I'm just saying that because I think there might be some social class issues to some of the "tension" that surrounds me around here.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts today (yet again...). I almost always do the drive thru. I'm gonna stop now. Their iced coffee is good and all, and its not --as-- over-priced as a lot of other places, but...some workers were saying "he thinks Jesus healed him," while I was waiting for my drink. Not cool, not cool at all.

Point is (I think I have one...), when I said "Jesus healed me!," I wasn't genuinely saved, and I was only alive at all--limping along, brain damaged, all that--by God's grace. He is Good, after all.

Now, I've been bona fide saved 4 1/2 years. Not a whole lot of time, but...I feel+think+believe that now I have enough time with The Lord to be...I dunno...a little more seasoned, a little more mature in the faith, at least...well, at the very least, by God's grace, I'm not nearly as double-minded and unsteady in all my ways. Always a good thing...

I'm not the same person. I see now that The Lord moves in different peoples' lives differently. He knows what He's doing. In my case, I really needed to be re-created. Whatever I'd had...either I'd thrown it away or it had been snatched from me. Honestly, Mental Health, Inc. took things from me that I didn't even know I had.

So, now, it seems that people are getting riled up about me even daring to --think-- that Jesus healed me. That hits a nerve with me. Jesus was poor. The Disciples were mostly lower status, mostly unlearned men. Many of the early Christians were slaves, poor people, and women. Jesus saves anybody, true, but The Good News has an emphasis on "the least of these" that one doesn't find in other "world religions." Why shouldn't Jesus heal a wretched, "over-the-hill flamer" ? Or...anyone?

Ugh. This is part ramble, part Praise Report, part prayer request. I Praise God for His infinite goodness. Call it what you will....I don't have the problems I had, I have a new way of being ("personality"), my parents now love me and take good care of me, and I've somehow managed to actually grow up a good bit, in Christ. Healed? I dunno. Now, when I think "healed," I think...return to baseline, maybe a bit above. Suzy has bad asthma. She's healed. Now, she's a healthier, better, more productive Suzy. But my case? A return to baseline would have been utterly pointless. I get that now. So now...I'm a New Creation in Christ Jesus, and The Lord has willed for that to play out at all levels, even physically. I'm blessed. I definitely needed+need that, that's for sure. But..."healed" ?

And, of course: this is a Prayer Request. I really do appreciate all of you who pray for my family and me. I do. At this point, I just ask to keep those prayers coming, because...wow. When I hear people talking about this, its not just what they're saying, its the --tone--. I'm not nearly as fearful as I was, Praise God, but it is...disconcerting, let's put it that way. As in: was it not enough to torment me for so long, to "make an example" out of me when I was who and what I was? Apparently, no, it wasn't. Not enough, not nearly enough.

Ugh. I'd also like to Praise God for the freedom I have in Christ. Bondage, oppression, captivity...these things were huge parts of my existence, before Christ. He whom the Son has set free, indeed. At this point, I get a lot of nasty comments and stuff, but genuine, bona fide oppression....The Lord has set me free from a lot of it, already. I Praise Him for His goodness, and I pray for complete freedom.

Thanks for reading+your prayers, support, etc. I really do appreciate it.

I love your posts, and the way you witness with such a pure heart.

My prayer for you is:
Dear God Almighty and ever True Father, in the Name of your beloved Christ Jesus, please hold this person I know as Christ empowered, and also the family, in your gentle and loving counsel. For they ask for bread in faithfulness of your Holy Character, regardless of whatever worldly travails which you will work unto your ends. I know Lord, that you would not give us a stone, but please forgive us any of our vain doubts or fears about the future. For we are but flesh and often do not see all that you bestow upon us, for which we would otherwise be most thankful.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thank you both. Its...interesting. I was: short, balding, prematurely aged, sick (sometimes deathly ill), dead eyed, etc. I am now: a decent height, "too much hair" (so say the men around here....), I look a bit younger than my age, and I'm remarkably, amazingly, miraculously...healthy. Oh, and I have a normal light in my eyes, courtesty of Christ. God is good!

You must die to be born again. When I think about it, I needed that more, or at least more obviously, than other people. Just...start over, please. God is good, and He has seen fit to make me a whole new person, in Christ Jesus. Good for me, good for my parents. Praise God!

Now, I don't quite know what to do, where to go, or...anything, really. Probably a good thing. I'm more able to genuinely lean upon The Lord than I would be otherwise, it seems. I don't think I can ever become a member of this community, not after the "experts" went out of their way to "make an example out of me," etc. Then again...this world is not any Christian's home, anyway. Wherever you go, there you are. At least here I can stay with my loving, kind, generous parents and learn how to live a normal(ish) life, in safety and comfort.

Ugh. I don't think I have any major health problems. Its strange. In all likelihood, I had cancer at a young age (long story). Now, I'm remarkably healthy, even looking a tad younger than my age (welcome change for the former King of Premature Aging, btw). The reaction of those around me? In the community, I'm regarded as "freak" who needs to be "put away," etc. My parents...sigh. As best I can tell, they're surprised that I"m alive, healthy, etc., but...its another day.

I get the impression that I go on from...here. Each day is like that, true, but now I'm healthy, less and less involved in all things Mental Health (shudder), closer to my parents, all that, and...yeah. The time has come to move on, with Christ at the center of my heart+life.

Thanks again for the replies, support, and prayers.

 

[dirtfarmer]

me, yet again ((thanks for reading all these posts, btw...)).

A while back...over 4 1/2 years ago, maybe 5 years ago...I said "Jesus healed me." It was...sad. To be fair, I wasn't even saved then, not really. I was 28 (I think...its kinda blurry, now...). I'd been drugged, done drugs, been bashed on the head with a pipe. I'd been thru 2x rounds of heavy, involuntary, shock "treatments." My parents were never going to forgive me for who I'd been, what I'd done, plus...well, I was pathetic, they're high-achievers....wasn't gonna happen. Nope.

OK, so then lots of stuff happened. I ended up getting genuinely, truly saved---by a Miracle, of course--about 4 1/2 years ago. Maybe its always a miracle whenever anyone gets truly saved, and its just more obviously a miracle with some of us (I'm thinking the more obviously wretched ones here, in particular...) than others? I dunno.

I'll soon be 33. --eeek--- not old, not really "young" in a youth-obsessed culture that looks at 25 or so as the beginning of the end. LOL. It is what it is...

I was fully expected to be dead by 23. I looked liked I was near death around 22/23, too. And now...

I'm healthy. I have a normal light in my eyes. I'm smart (the all-important IQ estimate is apparently up to snuff, lol....). All those problems I had for so long...gone. Gone along with those problems....the old me, too. Its for the best, of course. "You must die to be born again."

Ugh. The other evening, I was chillin in bed. Lazy, I know. I had a headache, so I was just takin' a breather. A woman over at --that-- neighbor's yard yelled out something like "Faggot! Jesus didn't HEAL YOU!!!!," and her tone was...wow. Intense, let's put it that way.

That set of neighbors messes with me a lot, which is kinda strange....its a decent part of a small southern town. My parents have the big house in the neighborhood, the bigger yard, etc. I'm not saying that to brag--I was broke as a joke myself, people used to call me "trailer trash f@ggot," etc.--I'm just saying that because I think there might be some social class issues to some of the "tension" that surrounds me around here.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts today (yet again...). I almost always do the drive thru. I'm gonna stop now. Their iced coffee is good and all, and its not --as-- over-priced as a lot of other places, but...some workers were saying "he thinks Jesus healed him," while I was waiting for my drink. Not cool, not cool at all.

Point is (I think I have one...), when I said "Jesus healed me!," I wasn't genuinely saved, and I was only alive at all--limping along, brain damaged, all that--by God's grace. He is Good, after all.

Now, I've been bona fide saved 4 1/2 years. Not a whole lot of time, but...I feel+think+believe that now I have enough time with The Lord to be...I dunno...a little more seasoned, a little more mature in the faith, at least...well, at the very least, by God's grace, I'm not nearly as double-minded and unsteady in all my ways. Always a good thing...

I'm not the same person. I see now that The Lord moves in different peoples' lives differently. He knows what He's doing. In my case, I really needed to be re-created. Whatever I'd had...either I'd thrown it away or it had been snatched from me. Honestly, Mental Health, Inc. took things from me that I didn't even know I had.

So, now, it seems that people are getting riled up about me even daring to --think-- that Jesus healed me. That hits a nerve with me. Jesus was poor. The Disciples were mostly lower status, mostly unlearned men. Many of the early Christians were slaves, poor people, and women. Jesus saves anybody, true, but The Good News has an emphasis on "the least of these" that one doesn't find in other "world religions." Why shouldn't Jesus heal a wretched, "over-the-hill flamer" ? Or...anyone?

Ugh. This is part ramble, part Praise Report, part prayer request. I Praise God for His infinite goodness. Call it what you will....I don't have the problems I had, I have a new way of being ("personality"), my parents now love me and take good care of me, and I've somehow managed to actually grow up a good bit, in Christ. Healed? I dunno. Now, when I think "healed," I think...return to baseline, maybe a bit above. Suzy has bad asthma. She's healed. Now, she's a healthier, better, more productive Suzy. But my case? A return to baseline would have been utterly pointless. I get that now. So now...I'm a New Creation in Christ Jesus, and The Lord has willed for that to play out at all levels, even physically. I'm blessed. I definitely needed+need that, that's for sure. But..."healed" ?

And, of course: this is a Prayer Request. I really do appreciate all of you who pray for my family and me. I do. At this point, I just ask to keep those prayers coming, because...wow. When I hear people talking about this, its not just what they're saying, its the --tone--. I'm not nearly as fearful as I was, Praise God, but it is...disconcerting, let's put it that way. As in: was it not enough to torment me for so long, to "make an example" out of me when I was who and what I was? Apparently, no, it wasn't. Not enough, not nearly enough.

Ugh. I'd also like to Praise God for the freedom I have in Christ. Bondage, oppression, captivity...these things were huge parts of my existence, before Christ. He whom the Son has set free, indeed. At this point, I get a lot of nasty comments and stuff, but genuine, bona fide oppression....The Lord has set me free from a lot of it, already. I Praise Him for His goodness, and I pray for complete freedom.

Thanks for reading+your prayers, support, etc. I really do appreciate it.

hello Christ_empowered, dirtfarmer here

One thing that you need is "not to care what others say". The one that you serve has endured more persecution than we ever could or will. It doesn't matter what the neighbors next door says or thinks, you don't have to please them and probably couldn't if you tried. What you are to do as a follower of Christ is to pray for them, and I don't mean that bad things will happen. When scripture states, "heaping coals on their heads" that when their fire goes out you should show kindness and help them by giving burning coals to them to help them have a fire to warm by, not bring judgment to them.

Sometimes when I see the maturity that you speak with it is hard to fathom the depths that you have risen from. I will continue to pray that God will continue to set you free from, I don't want to say bondage, the memories of how it was and continue to show you the joy of the liberties that await as you grow in the Lord.
May the Lord make the hedge around grow to such a proportion that those memories are dim and fleeting.
dirtfarmer

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks again, everyone. the replies, support, and prayers mean a lot to me.

these days, im a pariah in a small, southern town. By God's grace, I survived not only the (considerable...) ill-effects of my own sins, but also what psychiatrists and others chose to put me through ("humbling experiences," "he needs to feel PAIN," etc.).

The Lord has seen fit to pour into me, and He has ever since He worked a miracle and I came to genuinely believe upon Christ. I see now that I am blessed beyond measure...forgiven, washed and made clean; a new creation in Christ Jesus. The Lord has seen fit to change me both inside and out. This is --huge--, for me. Not only has He seen fit to change my heart of hearts (big, big deal right there...), but I'm also now healthy, I even have a face I can have a life with (not: too ugly, too pretty, prematurely aged, all that, like in years past...). Vanity? Maybe. On the other hand, its easier to be a good height, healthy, and have a face one can work with than....any alternative. Trust me on that one.

Be ye conformed not unto the ways of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewal of your mind. That's a big challenge, and now I see how important it is for any Christian, especially me. The World never had anything good for me. I'm just now able to see that. I wasn't wanted in 8th grade Honors. People apparently thought I was "trying to be special" when I graduated HS a year early (I thought it'd help me escape the nastiness of HS...---sigh---....). I see now that I wasn't wanted at college--a 3rd tier state school, often regarded as light on academics, heavy on partying--from the moment I hit the campus, as a socially isolated, confused, orange-y haired 17 year old (I likely had some physical problems, also...). And...sin, satan, self, death, and The World destroyed me, through and through. But now?

Now, I'm remarkably whole. No health problems. My parents are increasingly kind to me, genuinely caring, despite who I was, the sins I committed, the $$$ I spent. In all likelihood, that was never going to happen, barring miracles (note the plural). I am living with them in a safe, comfortable house. I receive disability. Disability isn't ideal, but...no one will hire me around here. When I did work around here, the "experts" quickly made my life a living hell (its "therapeutic," somehow...). The Lord has made a way where, by worldly means, there really, truly wasn't one. At all.

Where to from here? I honestly do not know. Being made healthy and everything else...whole, really...is --huge--, at so many levels, but its hopefully a big leap forward to a life of some sort, a life in which I can do something constructive, productive, at long last. I just...I don't see much opportunity for me to engage in anything around here. Maybe one day I'll be able to move? But where? And...sadly, psych records never disappear. Not playing. Like many "mental patients," I may well find that my psych records--the "experts' " analysis, labels, etc.--outlive me. Because I'm considered "uppity," a "trouble maker," etc., I may also find that when and if I move....the psych records follow me, wherever I go.

Thanks again for the prayers, support, and replies. God is good! Today is another day that The Lord hath made; rejoice and be glad in it. Since that's clearly a command, I've been praying, now and then, for what I need to follow through on that. The Lord has been good to give me what I need to live in each new day, better and more fully...more appreciative of Him and His work...than before. I'm a work-in-progress, but The Lord has brought me a long, long way.