Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,229
- 10,715
It’s a verse I had on my mind for…
Over 10 years lol
no joke even before I truly repented and believed that verse was in my mind on loop 
. And now….
God is Good. I don’t know what qualifies as a miracle or if I really care that much about precise definitions in this context. So..,
I’ll soon be 39. That’s one year less than 40. My youth such as it was is past…
And I’m healthy and smart and normal and reconciled to my family and…
No local friends to speak of but I’m beginning to think that’s to be expected. My Pentecostal widow long distance friend stopped talking to me and honestly…that was for the best. Her adult son is back in her life and my amazing parents are in mine and…
Truth? I’m beginning to see that people in general come into one’s life and then go, rinse and repeat…
Part of my walk in Christ is seeing reality sans psychobabble sans heavy medication
minus youthful idiocy..,
And here I am.
I turned 25 at a residential rehab facility. It was Pentecostal back then now I think they’ve mellowed. A dude who never spoke to me much suddenly said after age 25 the years pile on no real distinction between them. He was correct of course.
Pre 25 I remember distinct years. The year of the movie theater the year living in the cheap but fun place with a friend right behind a locally famous bar…
On and on. This is despite the involuntary shock and apparently a lobotomy or two before age 25. God saw fit to spare me and now…
I’m more thankful
and also more realistic which is something of a miracle itself.
I doubt I’ll ever have a job much less be able to support myself. Schizophrenic probably doesn’t exist as a biologically rooted entity but it is my social label and I think
I’m stuck with it. Happens…
I dunno
His work has snuck up on me yet again. Maybe quiet 
and gradual is the way to go…
Friends are long gone. I tried to text a female friend and…nope. Done
it isn’t that I’ve crossed a line it’s…
I dunno
I have a high iq estimate now and I’m healthy now and my parents retired doing miraculously well financially etc but…
I was a burn out and then a patched up mess and she and others could talk to me and such but…now?
No. Maybe I’m the last one to see how God’s work in my life is too much for many to even go to though the motions with me ever again.
Better this way? Yes
I don’t know what I should do as a transformed redeemed believer in a life that..,
Physically? Should have been dead before 24. Socially? Ugh
only a misdemeanor on my record but with the schizophrenia label etc…
I’m a non entity. Alive in Christ! Living dead in society. Play the hand you’re dealt…
I dunno
His ways are higher than my ways…
I sometimes sense more junk brewing around me. Ugh I’ll pray 
Thanks
Over 10 years lol
no joke even before I truly repented and believed that verse was in my mind on loop . And now….God is Good. I don’t know what qualifies as a miracle or if I really care that much about precise definitions in this context. So..,
I’ll soon be 39. That’s one year less than 40. My youth such as it was is past…
And I’m healthy and smart and normal and reconciled to my family and…
No local friends to speak of but I’m beginning to think that’s to be expected. My Pentecostal widow long distance friend stopped talking to me and honestly…that was for the best. Her adult son is back in her life and my amazing parents are in mine and…
Truth? I’m beginning to see that people in general come into one’s life and then go, rinse and repeat…
Part of my walk in Christ is seeing reality sans psychobabble sans heavy medication
minus youthful idiocy..,And here I am.
I turned 25 at a residential rehab facility. It was Pentecostal back then now I think they’ve mellowed. A dude who never spoke to me much suddenly said after age 25 the years pile on no real distinction between them. He was correct of course.
Pre 25 I remember distinct years. The year of the movie theater the year living in the cheap but fun place with a friend right behind a locally famous bar…
On and on. This is despite the involuntary shock and apparently a lobotomy or two before age 25. God saw fit to spare me and now…
I’m more thankful
and also more realistic which is something of a miracle itself. I doubt I’ll ever have a job much less be able to support myself. Schizophrenic probably doesn’t exist as a biologically rooted entity but it is my social label and I think
I’m stuck with it. Happens…I dunno
His work has snuck up on me yet again. Maybe quiet and gradual is the way to go…Friends are long gone. I tried to text a female friend and…nope. Done
it isn’t that I’ve crossed a line it’s…I dunno
I have a high iq estimate now and I’m healthy now and my parents retired doing miraculously well financially etc but…I was a burn out and then a patched up mess and she and others could talk to me and such but…now?
No. Maybe
I’m the last one to see how God’s work in my life is too much for many to even go to though the motions with me ever again. Better this way? Yes
I don’t know what I should do as a transformed redeemed believer in a life that..,Physically? Should have been dead before 24. Socially? Ugh
only a misdemeanor on my record but with the schizophrenia label etc…I’m a non entity. Alive in Christ! Living dead in society. Play the hand you’re dealt…
I dunno
His ways are higher than my ways…I sometimes sense more junk brewing around me. Ugh
I’ll pray Thanks