[__ Prayer __] just forget the past

[Christ_empowered]

We're all born in sin, right? Stained by sin, through and through. I was more wretched than many, maybe most, and in denial of my wretchedness. Strange things happened when I finally came to repentance...

...like my face becoming more masculine, more conventional. My voice deepening. My hair thickening up. My mind sharpening. My eyes, glassy since high school, looking bright and sparkly.

My older, Pentecostal friend tells me that I've become a completely different person, which is true. I still, for whatever reason, cling to the past...not a whole lot, but too much. Too much, too much, too much.

The best I can come up with is that who I was wasn't going to do anything or accomplish anything for the Kingdom. At best, I was going to be an object of pity, maybe silent musings on "what if..." What if he hadn't popped so many pills? Had so much ECT? Been treated better? What ifs...don't amount to a whole lot, you know?

I'm blessed. Parents who care, a good place to live, a good car to drive, good food to eat, the opportunity to finally earn a degree (did I tell you all I got 2 B's at Liberty?). Many/most people who were/are as wretched as I was don't get that. Who knows why.

I wanted to have a life in which I could be a part of society and do things, in which the past would be wiped away and I would be someone completely different. This was before I even became a Christian. Now, Jesus has seen fit to give me the desires of my heart and its...bittersweet. What if your life started downhill around age 5 ("The boy ain't right"--that kinda thing) ? And then, pushing 30, you turned into a chronically unemployed, surprisingly well preserved, well read, Born Again Christian with hope and a future? Oh...and faith. Suddenly, I'm another flickering light in the seemingly all consuming darkness. Me, of all people. Who knows why.

Anyway, please pray that I can move on. There's no point in hanging on to bits and pieces of a dead wretch who was never going to be anything, do anything, matter to anyone.

Its just...bittersweet. That's all.

 

[AirDancer]

Think of all those negativities from the past as 75-pound suitcases strapped on your back, Christ_empowered . Those suitcases represent each 'free' guilt trip that Satan wants your to take.

Now, in prayerful conversation with our Lord, mentally hand each and every one of those suitcases to our Lord for Him to handle. You have already been the recipient of so many blessings from our Lord ... He isn't going to refuse your request that He take those 'suitcases' from you now. You are an example, a living testimony, to the miracles which He performs in our lives. And once you've delivered those 'suitcases' and forgive yourself and all those who played a part in your past, then you will be able to move forward.

You are an amazing young man, my friend, and my life has been blessed by knowing you here at CFnet.

By the way, congratulations on achieving the B's at Liberty this semester! It's a great start to the rest of your life

 

[th1b.taylor]

We're all born in sin, right? Stained by sin, through and through. I was more wretched than many, maybe most, and in denial of my wretchedness. Strange things happened when I finally came to repentance...

...like my face becoming more masculine, more conventional. My voice deepening. My hair thickening up. My mind sharpening. My eyes, glassy since high school, looking bright and sparkly.

My older, Pentecostal friend tells me that I've become a completely different person, which is true. I still, for whatever reason, cling to the past...not a whole lot, but too much. Too much, too much, too much.

The best I can come up with is that who I was wasn't going to do anything or accomplish anything for the Kingdom. At best, I was going to be an object of pity, maybe silent musings on "what if..." What if he hadn't popped so many pills? Had so much ECT? Been treated better? What ifs...don't amount to a whole lot, you know?

I'm blessed. Parents who care, a good place to live, a good car to drive, good food to eat, the opportunity to finally earn a degree (did I tell you all I got 2 B's at Liberty?). Many/most people who were/are as wretched as I was don't get that. Who knows why.

I wanted to have a life in which I could be a part of society and do things, in which the past would be wiped away and I would be someone completely different. This was before I even became a Christian. Now, Jesus has seen fit to give me the desires of my heart and its...bittersweet. What if your life started downhill around age 5 ("The boy ain't right"--that kinda thing) ? And then, pushing 30, you turned into a chronically unemployed, surprisingly well preserved, well read, Born Again Christian with hope and a future? Oh...and faith. Suddenly, I'm another flickering light in the seemingly all consuming darkness. Me, of all people. Who knows why.

Anyway, please pray that I can move on. There's no point in hanging on to bits and pieces of a dead wretch who was never going to be anything, do anything, matter to anyone.

Its just...bittersweet. That's all.

I can' t find your age, it appears you have either not posted it or you've hidden it. From your posts I have made you to be between 18 and 22, with so much of life to figure out. You will learn that forgetting the past is a very counter-productive and futile effort. In Junior High School I had the same World History Teacher that the world famous Charles Swindol had, Mrs. C. C. Allen. C. C. Allen was reputed yo be the strictest History Teacher in Texas, the whole state!

She began every year with the same speech. she said in this speech that if one refuses to learn from the past, History, they are doomed to relive the errors and the mistakes of their fore-bearers. At the age of sixty-nine I can, definitely, testify that she was correct.

On a similar note, I have a history of bad and a little good that I am guilty of. I have oft been asked by young men, "I you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?" And when i answer, nothing, they are taken aback. I suffer with the last stage of RRMS and can only just transfer from my Hospital Bed into my Motorized wheelchair and it is visible to all that I am a Vietnam Veteran and when one is brave enough to ask I am not shy and explain to them that I was, over three tours, sprayed, often, with agents Orange, White, Blue and, very possibly, other agents of defoliant that have resulted in thousands of Veterans suffering from some form of MS.

So, why would I not volunteer three times to serve in Vietnam? My MOSs were 67A10, 67M10, 67M20, 67N10 and 67N20. That last one makes me a Huey. a UH-1, Crewchief. there were 10s of thousands of 17 to 19 year olds humping the bush that needed me in so many ways that I could not allow the every day, every hour and every minute fear stop me from serving their needs, their lives depended on me.

I experienced the complete horrors that hand to hand combat holds to include being shot out of the air and fighting for my life on the ground in the jungle. All of these things, my history, are what has made me the man I am today. I try not to dwell on my memories any more than the nightmares force me to but because I know true horror, I want no one else in this world to learn what I learned and what these youngsters that are volunteering are learning.

the past is a thing to be learned from and to be held in you mind, in a special place that you will be the teacher God has meant you to be. May god bless.

 

[Eugene]

We're all born in sin, right? Stained by sin, through and through. I was more wretched than many, maybe most, and in denial of my wretchedness. Strange things happened when I finally came to repentance...

...like my face becoming more masculine, more conventional. My voice deepening. My hair thickening up. My mind sharpening. My eyes, glassy since high school, looking bright and sparkly.

My older, Pentecostal friend tells me that I've become a completely different person, which is true. I still, for whatever reason, cling to the past...not a whole lot, but too much. Too much, too much, too much.

The best I can come up with is that who I was wasn't going to do anything or accomplish anything for the Kingdom. At best, I was going to be an object of pity, maybe silent musings on "what if..." What if he hadn't popped so many pills? Had so much ECT? Been treated better? What ifs...don't amount to a whole lot, you know?

I'm blessed. Parents who care, a good place to live, a good car to drive, good food to eat, the opportunity to finally earn a degree (did I tell you all I got 2 B's at Liberty?). Many/most people who were/are as wretched as I was don't get that. Who knows why.

I wanted to have a life in which I could be a part of society and do things, in which the past would be wiped away and I would be someone completely different. This was before I even became a Christian. Now, Jesus has seen fit to give me the desires of my heart and its...bittersweet. What if your life started downhill around age 5 ("The boy ain't right"--that kinda thing) ? And then, pushing 30, you turned into a chronically unemployed, surprisingly well preserved, well read, Born Again Christian with hope and a future? Oh...and faith. Suddenly, I'm another flickering light in the seemingly all consuming darkness. Me, of all people. Who knows why.

Anyway, please pray that I can move on. There's no point in hanging on to bits and pieces of a dead wretch who was never going to be anything, do anything, matter to anyone.

Its just...bittersweet. That's all.

Forgetting the past is taking the position our Father has of us. Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. We need to do the same thing.

Some attempt to remember, condemn themselves, and bring forth things no longer a part of their lives, only serving to stunt the spiritual growth they could have. I heard on the news of a man that served twenty-five years for some crime he didn’t commit. He hated those that lied, hid evidence, and whatever to convict him to the extent he thought constantly of how one day he would kill them; it was eating at him constantly to the extent he was ill from it. He made this following statement after the truth came out and he was released from prison, and no longer wanting revenge: “Hate is like taking poison hoping your enemy will die from it.” (I’m not sure I’ve told the story exactly right).

When we bring the past that is no longer a part of us, that detestable thing we were we can become that man in a prison of our own making. It wasn’t until he forgot it that he became indeed free to go on with his life. Brother, it is not what you were, it is that new sinless life in Christ that will take you to maturity you desire in God’s perfect will for you. Still praying that the past one day will be no longer remembered and that you just reach out and take hold of the blessings God has given you as His son.

God bless you in Jesus’ name.

 

[Angel]

I am reminded of this Scripture:

Phil 3:

12 Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.

13 I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

Hope that helps

 

[Angel]

I can' t find your age, it appears you have either not posted it or you've hidden it. From your posts I have made you to be between 18 and 22, with so much of life to figure out. You will learn that forgetting the past is a very counter-productive and futile effort. In Junior High School I had the same World History Teacher that the world famous Charles Swindol had, Mrs. C. C. Allen. C. C. Allen was reputed yo be the strictest History Teacher in Texas, the whole state!

She began every year with the same speech. she said in this speech that if one refuses to learn from the past, History, they are doomed to relive the errors and the mistakes of their fore-bearers. At the age of sixty-nine I can, definitely, testify that she was correct.

On a similar note, I have a history of bad and a little good that I am guilty of. I have oft been asked by young men, "I you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?" And when i answer, nothing, they are taken aback. I suffer with the last stage of RRMS and can only just transfer from my Hospital Bed into my Motorized wheelchair and it is visible to all that I am a Vietnam Veteran and when one is brave enough to ask I am not shy and explain to them that I was, over three tours, sprayed, often, with agents Orange, White, Blue and, very possibly, other agents of defoliant that have resulted in thousands of Veterans suffering from some form of MS.

So, why would I not volunteer three times to serve in Vietnam? My MOSs were 67A10, 67M10, 67M20, 67N10 and 67N20. That last one makes me a Huey. a UH-1, Crewchief. there were 10s of thousands of 17 to 19 year olds humping the bush that needed me in so many ways that I could not allow the every day, every hour and every minute fear stop me from serving their needs, their lives depended on me.

I experienced the complete horrors that hand to hand combat holds to include being shot out of the air and fighting for my life on the ground in the jungle. All of these things, my history, are what has made me the man I am today. I try not to dwell on my memories any more than the nightmares force me to but because I know true horror, I want no one else in this world to learn what I learned and what these youngsters that are volunteering are learning.

the past is a thing to be learned from and to be held in you mind, in a special place that you will be the teacher God has meant you to be. May god bless.

What you went through I could never do! You are very brave, th1b.taylor! Thank you for serving! You are a war hero!

 

[th1b.taylor]

What you went through I could never do! You are very brave, th1b.taylor! Thank you for serving! You are a war hero!

No, not really. Even a an Atheist I loved my fellow man and I took that oath twice for a total of eight years of service. When I joined the Army, I did so because I could not join the Air Force because I did not have a High School Diploma and all I wanted to do was to fly. When a young man, raised to be honorable, takes an oath it is heart felt and the truth of the matter is that I was just as scared as those young men about to die if we did not land and get them resupplied or get them out of there. The men I served were and still are the very best the U.S. has to offer, the men of the second of the seventh Cavalry, Custer's old unit. What I did was my duty and as the Senior Crewchief, I cried and got drunk a lot because my men were also that young and at 24 they called me pop.

I am just the product of a dad that served in the Pacific as a Combat Medic in Custer' s Cavalry and of two grandfathers that fought WW I in opposing armies. They just raised me to not get falling down scared when I was needed and they just did a good job, at least the men I've run into here at home that served in Custer' s Cavarly in South Vietnam. My Aircraft apparently had a good reputation. When they find out my baby was Killer Spade 806 I always get the, very, coveted Gary Owen salute. They reserve that shouted salute for their own and none others. The first time one of them did that I tried to explain that I was just right Door Gunner but he insisted that everybody knew my tail number and apparently they have built an entire set of lies around my ship and crew. But in all truth, I just sat beck there and where ever my nut of a pilot flew us, that's where I went, not much more.

Of course he was 19 year old and was the bravest man I ever knew, under my dad, of course.

 

[GrannyJ]

CE, have you tried writing down some of your memories from the bad times? It can be a good way of working through your emotions. And once you've worked through them, pray that God will take them, and use them to make you into the person He needs for the job He has for you to do in this life. And the writings? You can either bin them, burn them, or keep them and use them as the basis to write a book on the way God has shaped your life into something worthwhile.

 

[Kathi]

Don't look back in that mirror.It will only bring you grief,guilt,anxiety and pain.Give your past to God and move on.

 

[th1b.taylor]

CE, have you tried writing down some of your memories from the bad times? It can be a good way of working through your emotions. And once you've worked through them, pray that God will take them, and use them to make you into the person He needs for the job He has for you to do in this life. And the writings? You can either bin them, burn them, or keep them and use them as the basis to write a book on the way God has shaped your life into something worthwhile.

You're right and the book is in process that my grandchildren might all know as they grow because there is much I would not have the stumble, blindly, into. Thank you for the words of encouragement.

Just so you know, CE is the Army abbreviation for Crew Engineer and my nickname is either Bill or, at the model plane field, it's Mr, Bill. Again, thank you and may God bless.

 

[th1b.taylor]

Don't look back in that mirror.It will only bring you grief,guilt,anxiety and pain.Give your past to God and move on.

No mam, if we do that we will not be teaching, with the strength of conviction and testimony, that our young might learn from our parts in history. And though every man or lady that ever walked the field of mortal combat has nightmares, they will not go away except we dope or drink. I tried those and they are, indeed, a poor substitute for accepting responsibility and guiding our young men and women out of the dark and into the light, If we hide in the dark, then we cannot guide others out and into the light because we see no better than they.

I have witnessed some of my men that took that route and they never came to terms with the horror and they murdered the image of God within themselves with the stupid act of suicide. If a Combat Veteran never deals with what we did and what we saw, it drives us to the end of desperation. I know you mean only the best but until you have witnessed mankind at it's very worst there is no way you can ever begin to understand.

The very best movie about the combat experience is "We Were Soldiers Once" and some have asked me if it was close and since it is about the men I and my company, Alpha Company and the Tiger Birds of Delta Company spent most of our time supporting, I tell all that it is completely accurate. Some have been so foolish that they proclaim after a few minutes to a few days that they understand noe.

I am usually considered very rude when I explain to them that they can watch that film and "Full Metal Jacket" every day until Jesus returns but until they see B-40 Rockets flying at them, are fired upon every day for a year by Chinese, quad 51 calibers, dragged men holding their guts in a wet towel onto your chopper and on and on, there is no possible way to ever understand Combat and Close Combat Support Soldiers and our night mares.

No one can ever refuse to think or to speak of what we saw on the field. My uncle drank himself to death because he would not speak of Korea and my dad never got off from work that he did not, in the car, open a cold one or toss a shot or two back because he refused to deal with his experiences in the Pacific and again in Korea. These nightmares are discussed or they will kill.

The most violent reaction, as a rule, you will ever get from a real veteran is his or her, instantiate reaction to telling them to forget it. Every one of us spends years trying to do just that until we understand futility.

God bless.

 

[GrannyJ]

Bill - there are some very special people on this forum and you're one of them. To have come through all that with your faith in Christ intact is indeed a miracle. May God bless you and your book.