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Keepers at home...

M

mia

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I'd like to hear your opinion on women working outside the home vs. women staying at home. I personally feel (I hope not to offend anyone) that it is God's plan (and most natural) for women to be at home, particularly when there are children. Historically speaking, women have only recently begun working (in the domain of men), and I feel that many of the problems we face as a society today are due in part to women leaving the home and children being raised in a day care setting. So many people claim they would like to stay home with their children, but cannot afford it. My husband makes a very modest salary, and we have always managed to get by. We live very frugally and it's not always easy, but I think it's well worth it to be able to raise and homeschool my daughter. As I said, I hope no one is offended. I'm not judging anyone, I just want to hear others' (mens' and womens') comments on this sensitive topic.
 
I will have to make this quick (it's time for me to go pick my kids up at the bus stop!).

I stayed home with my kids. Occasionally, I would work a part time job on my hubby's days off. That was VERY good for me. It got me out of the house and around grown ups for a while, plus it brought in some extra money. I did that off and on for 7 years. Once my kids got into school, I got bored during the day. There is only so much housework one can do and I did a lot of tv watching.

My girls are now in 2nd and 3rd grade and I work Monday-Friday 9am-1pm. It's PERFECT because I have time to take them to school and I'm off in time to come home, eat lunch, have some "me" time and then get my kids once they get out of school. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! It's what works for my family.

I've got more to add about daycare costs, etc, but I'll have to reply later! I make more money working part time and I would if I worked full time and had to put my kids in daycare. Daycare costs are OUTRAGEOUS!

***Edited to add that I didn't want anyone else raising my children. My mother stayed home with me until I got older. My hubby's mother did the same. Only one time did my mom get a job and the first day of daycare, the teacher slapped me for not eating beanie weenies. My moms first day on the job was also her last.

One day, sit down, figure out how much you would make at a job. Then deduct childcare, gas, etc. You'll be amazed at how little you will actually pocket after those expenses.

I love my job and can't imagine quitting it. When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, my hubby told me to quit my job because I was so stressed out. I've discovered that my job is actually GOOD for me right now though. The 4 hours that I'm at work tend to help keep my mind on other things.
 
Hi Mia,

1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: 2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. 3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. b]

I have a testimony on the matter...

For our family, God has showed us this Truth (sound doctrine) about 10 years ago, so that the Word be not blasphemed, but I admit it is only by His grace that we have been free to be obedient. To me, this is a high calling for a woman, and it is sad that it is so frowned upon now by many. This is truly evidence of satan's deception, and distortion, of God's plan.

I personally struggled with this command until my second son was born, but before that I was pulled in the direction of my newly aquired career...though I had left with our first son, my heart was torn. I had such a conflict of teaching, being raised by my father to have a more feministic mindset, and I wavered back and forth for some time. I was finally resolved to simply be obedient to my husband until I became pregnant with our second son, and then God changed my heart on the matter in a solid way, and gave me the grace to walk in obedience fully...within my heart. I have not looked back. I did not realize back then that it was such a blessing to have a husband willing to provide, and to see his wife and children protected, and educated, at home. Over these years I have realized the wonderful blessing of it, and am so very thankful. I pray that my children wil also have the grace to obey God in this area, and the vision to teach it to their children as well.

The Lord bless you.
 
My personal belief is that if there are children in the home and the husband is working and can provide that the wife should remain in the home and raise her own kids.
If she is a single mother, or the husband is not able to fully provide for the family, I do not believe any passage in scripture would condemn her for lending a hand to help provide food for her children.

Its noble and right for a mother to stay at home, and its just as noble and right for her to make sure her little ones have food in their stomachs :)
 
follower of Christ said:
My personal belief is that if there are children in the home and the husband is working and can provide that the wife should remain in the home and raise her own kids.
If she is a single mother, or the husband is not able to fully provide for the family, I do not believe any passage in scripture would condemn her for lending a hand to help provide food for her children.

Its noble and right for a mother to stay at home, and its just as noble and right for her to make sure her little ones have food in their stomachs :)
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I completely agree. :D

I'm very thankful that I'm not a single mother. I don't know how they manage. We never know when we may be put in that situation though. The court system isn't always on the woman's side. I think to women that I know who have husbands that cheated on them or left them. They take no responsibility for their children and the mother is barely getting by. The courts may order the dad to pay child support, but that doesn't mean they'll do it. I've seen men quit their jobs just so they wouldn't have to pay child support. Those are NOT real men.
 
follower, and Nikki,

I also completely agree with what you wrote concerning single parent families. When my husband died I was a single mother for nearly three years, and it was hard to make ends meet. I desired to continue to stay home, and so we (my three little ones and myself) delivered news papers together...a lot of them! They loved it, and still miss it. lol I know that it is only by God's grace and mercy that we were able to do that together, and work for a company that allowed it. We also had wonderful help from the body...home educators who aided us with books and field trips, and other resources.

I have a good friend, and she is a single mother who home educates, and she works nights (she has an older child to her blessing), and she home educates in the evenings. I know other single parents who work daily, and the church helps them educate by giving them a discounted tuition, or a free one at a Christian school. I think this is a wonderful ministry for a church. I guess I am simply saying that God can provide for single parents is unique and creative ways, if they long to obey Him as best they can in their situation.

I think it is really nice when a church, or a home education group, or any other group of believers have a heart to help single parents in their desires to obey God...it's such a wonderful work.

Mia, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent really, but I think that single parenting really needs to be addressed. Of course, I think if there were more obedience to these verses in Titus...in the whole beginning of this chapter concerning all ages, and gender, of believers...we would have less single parents in need of help because we all would have more instruction in righteousness concerning families and God's plan for them.

follower, and Nikki, thanks for bringing this out and calling our minds once again to families who are led by only one parent. The Lord bless all of you.
 
lovely said:
Mia, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent really, but I think that single parenting really needs to be addressed. Of course, I think if there were more obedience to these verses in Titus...in the whole beginning of this chapter concerning all ages, and gender, of believers...we would have less single parents in need of help because we all would have more instruction in righteousness concerning families and God's plan for them.

follower, and Nikki, thanks for bringing this out and calling our minds once again to families who are led by only one parent. The Lord bless all of you.
Click to expand...

I agree, and I had thought of saying something about single parents in my original post, but didn't. I guess I should have. Of course, I realize that the situation is different for single mothers, and many of them cannot be at home. As I stated before, I hoped not to offend anyone. My point was that, if at all possible, a woman should stay home. I know it isn't realistic for every single woman. But I think we all agree that the traditional family is something for our society to strive for.
 
mia said:
I agree, and I had thought of saying something about single parents in my original post, but didn't. I guess I should have. Of course, I realize that the situation is different for single mothers, and many of them cannot be at home. As I stated before, I hoped not to offend anyone. My point was that, if at all possible, a woman should stay home. I know it isn't realistic for every single woman. But I think we all agree that the traditional family is something for our society to strive for.
Click to expand...

I agree, Mia. I think it is BEST if the mother stays home, but I also know that it's not always possible.
 
Hi Mia,

I was thinking about this thread, and I did not want to get if off course with my input about single mothers, or wives who are unable to do this because their husbands do not allow it, etc. Anyway, it is such a good topic, and since we got the reasons why some do not obey out of the way, I was thinking maybe you could share with us some of the many blessings of being obedient to God in this area, because many do not do because they do not know to do. I was also wondering about your thoughts on the Word of God not being blasphemed if His children obey this command. It is such a good topic, and I hope it does not get stifled by the reasons why some do not obey, but rather gives us hope in God's design and plan for all of us to aspire to, and be inspired by. I would love to hear more on the grace and blessing of obedience in this area, now that we have discussed the struggles already. The Lord bless you.
 
lovely said:
Hi Mia,

I was thinking about this thread, and I did not want to get if off course with my input about single mothers, or wives who are unable to do this because their husbands do not allow it, etc. Anyway, it is such a good topic, and since we got the reasons why some do not obey out of the way, I was thinking maybe you could share with us some of the many blessings of being obedient to God in this area, because many do not do because they do not know to do. I was also wondering about your thoughts on the Word of God not being blasphemed if His children obey this command. It is such a good topic, and I hope it does not get stifled by the reasons why some do not obey, but rather gives us hope in God's design and plan for all of us to aspire to, and be inspired by. I would love to hear more on the grace and blessing of obedience in this area, now that we have discussed the struggles already. The Lord bless you.
Click to expand...

Yes, I think it's very important that we stress the abundant blessings of being keepers at home. I have been with my daughter every single day since her birth (almost ten years). I have taught her to read and write, and so much more. And I have been there every time she has needed me and I've witnessed all the "firsts" (steps, words, etc. etc.). I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I also believe that, because of my being at home, my family life has been much less stressful than those in which both parents work outside the home. My husband has more time to relax at the end of the day, because everything is done (well, usually), and we VERY seldom quarrel. We manage to live on much less money than most others do, but we have more free time to enjoy one another. I think there is so much to be said for the simple life (not going after more money, a bigger house, the latest materialistic goods). I truly believe that God's plan is a wonderful one, and I hope that all women who are considering which choice to make will ask themselves: What are you most likely to regret later on?
Blessings,
Mia
:smt059
 
Mia, that is such a beautiful testimony of God's grace in your life, and in your family. In my own life, my heart remains full because of the abundant blessings of being a keeper at home. I have been home for a little over ten years now too, and even after losing my husband God was able to provide me with the means to keep home educating, and being in the home. God is still shaping me in this area, and the simple life just gets richer as He does.

I think that another impact is generational. I have one daughter, and we are teaching her the importance of this verse, and others, while she is young. We desire to give her to a husband who also understands God's design in this area. We want her, and our sons, to know how important it is to obey God in all areas with a holy fear, and how He has natural blessings built in for obedience...just as He has natural consequences for sin. This is part of our responsibility as parents to train up our children, and pave the way for them to walk in obedience. It is my prayer that these things will not be a burden to them, but that they will believe on Christ genuinely and desire to obey Him in love.

Well, thanks Mia for bringing up such a wonderful topic. The Lord bless you.
 
I find this thread quite difficult and very challenging. I am 21 so have been surrounded by a culture of girl power, equality and achieving anything I set my mind to, since the 1990s (as far back as I remember).

As long as I can remember I have always wanted a job I love and could be good at. I didn't (possibly still don't, this post has made me question a lot) want to give up a career to have children, not because I didn't want to be at home but because I wanted to work.

This year I have been doing a year out from my degree on a work placement and it has made me think a lot about future career plans. I currently work in London, two hours from where I live, and where 90% of the jobs my degree aligns with are based.

I hate being 2 hours from my fiance during the day. When I am at uni, if he needs me i can get to him but I can't from here. I think this would be even worse with children and there is no way I want to live in London. So I have already made the decision that even if it means a less relevant job to my degree and less money, I will not be working in London when I eventually have children. I would rather never work in London again but it may take a couple of years to get some more experience behind me.

At the moment, I still want to work, but I hadn't considered that this feeling of wanting to be there if anyone ever needs me may take more sacrifices with regards to a career than I had previously thought.

Sorry for long post, its good to get this down on 'paper'.
 
dancing queen, I can really appreciate your thoughts and views on this subject, because when I was your age, I felt the same way. Actually, my feelings did not change until I became pregnant. I NEVER would have believed anyone back then who might have told me what kind of woman I would become. (It's truly amazing how much a person can change over the years.) I hope that some of our comments on this issue are helpful to you, and that you will realize, when you are ready to have children, that NO job can fill you with such joy and honor as that with the title of "Mother".
 
I think one of the weird things for me is I feel like I want to provide for my family, i.e. be the one out earning. I'm not sure but I wonder if I feel this way as my fiance wants to be a photographer, and I doubt sometimes whether he'd be able to support the family on his own with what can be very irregular work.

I was at our church general meeting last night, there are soo many roles in the church I'd love to get envolved with but just don't have the time. This makes me think of the idea of being at home with my kids and then when they start school being able to do more church work a few mornings a week or something, which would be awesome.

I find it very hard to believe I'm even thinking of this, but its good because at least I'm open to the idea now. I have always believed that if I listen to God I'll end up in the right job etc. At least now if I hear Him saying I should stay at home with the kids, I won't try and ignore Him and dismiss it but be open to it.
 
dancing queen,

As always, your honest posts just bless me dearly. It is my prayer that you, and your fiance, are simply led by the Holy Spirit in this.

I was blessed with a husband who taught me these things as he learned them, and was willing to follow them, but I understood them more fully when an older women was able to express to me the blessing, and ministry to God that is involved. I still struggled so much, though, because I was so pulled by my previous plans of a career, and feeling as if I could do so much more for our family. Finally, after my second son was born the Holy Spirit used the Word to reveal to my heart God's Truth about the matter, and finally I was able to be completely given over to Him. It wasn't until much later that I would realize the impact it had on us...I can't count the ways.

Now I realize that the money that I could have been making would have only purchased more stuff to distract us, and would have distanced our family in the long run. I also would have been disobeying God's plan for my life, and would have been in rebellion. My husband not only would have been robbed of the blessing of the Lord's provision for us through Him, but also of his headship in leading us spiritually because I would have been in direct rebellion with what he was teaching. I am so thankful for God's grace and mercy in leading us. I shutter to think of what might have been had He not graciously intervened.

dq, I will keep praying for you as you face these challenging, and difficult, teachings in the Word. I am so blessed that you are so willing to examine them. The Lord bless you, and your fiance, and I will continue to keep both of you in my prayers. The Lord bless you.
 
Thank you lovely, your prayers are much appreciated.

You sharing your experience is a blessing and a challenge which is good for me. Especially as I look to the future and consider my role in my future marriage and then future family.

The culture I have always been surrounded by has always taught me that now women don't have to let the husband be in charge of everything etc. and you can have a career etc. I know this culture is out of hand (you only have to look at how many women are freezing their eggs so they can cncentrate on a career) but it is hard to consider the alternatives.

I am a natural leader and a bit of a control freak which probably doesn't help. Often I look at my fiance and I, and think we have the charactestics the wrong way round. I understand and am better at looking after finances, he's the better cook, and lots of other things. So we have wondered if he will be the one at home with the kids and me at work, but as i said in my last post, now I know (and more importantly will let) God make the decision on this rather than trying to work it all out for myself. And in the meantime I will seek out how he wants my finance and I to function together.
 
dancing queen,

I read your response the other day, and as I have thought about it I did have a reply.

I was thinking that God seems to want to take us outside of our comfort zone at times, and encourage us to use our gifts in the manner He desires. This is a huge challenge! You sound to me like you would be a perfect manager of your home, and still be able to support your husband in his own calling, because of your natural leadership abilities. There is so much to discover about being a keeper at home, and it is beyond what the world says. I wanted to mention a free magazine that I get called Above Rubies...Mia may be familiar with them. Nancy Campbell has been strengthening families in this for over 20 years now, and she is quite a beautiful sister. I will give you their website, and I hope you subscribe. You will hear, in their own words, how other women have come home, and be encouraged in that by Nancy. http://www.aboverubies.org

The second thing I wanted to mention, and I think it is such a beautiful truth, is that as Christ is submissive to the Father, yet equal and One, so are we with our husbands. My husband and I are equal before God, but called, and designed, differently to carry on toward the vision before us as one covenanted flesh. I have been called to mother, carry children in my womb, and submit to my husband's leading for our family, yet support him with all of my gifts...ultimately supporting God's leading through Him. This is also a picture of Christ and His church. I just wanted to share some the beauty of these things as I was considering your last post. The Lord bless you.
 
It is very hard in these times for women to not want to work. It is something that they are told every day from one source or another. TV tells them that they won't be fulfilled if they stay at home with their children. They make out that a woman who stays at home is lazy, or has no ambition.

I was fortunate that I didn't have to work outside the home when my boys were small. I was one of just a few women back in the 70's and 80's that stayed at home. I was the one that was chosen to go on school trips... and picked up neighborhood kids when they got sick at school.... the one where all the kids came to our house and it looked like a bike sale outside my house....
I took all the kids to the show to see their favorite movies... and we had many sleep overs with hot choclate, movies, or story telling..... Most of the kids called me Mom and I was privledged to be a part of their lives.

My boys are now on their own, and their wives work... kids have day care and I baby sat for quite a while. I feel the kids miss out on a lot when no one is home and someone else cares for them. I know that some day cares are clean and caring... but they aren't Mom... and kids need Mom home.
I believe that most of the trouble with our kids today is because no one is home raising them. Careers are great for single people, or young marrieds.... but when you have children... and then turn them over for someone else to raise.. trouble is just around the corner...
. quality time etc. is a bunch of bunk... Time is time.... and kids need lots of it.. not just an hour or so a day.
Eating dinner around a table... and talking about your day.... asking questions. meeting their friends... that is what life is about with kids....
My heart goes out to single moms, they have no choice... and a lot of dads out there don't send a dollar in child support. The children are always the ones who are hurt the most.


The point is....If you want a career,,, then you can have one... but to think that you can possibly do both well. you can't give two things 100%.. no way. Where your heart is then that is where your treasure lies.... Where is your treasure????
 
Balancing Act

I was a stay at home Mom until my oldest entered the 5th grade and my youngest was in the first. It was a huge blessing and privelege to watch them grow and spend so much time with them. I know this is a hot topic in the Christian community, but I can't judge or dictate what others should do, it's a personal choice families must make for themselves. I found an interesting video that speaks of the importance of balance between work and family from John Beckett, a Christian expert. I think it's great for Dads to consider too.
http://www.iquestions.com/video/index?media_id=435

In hindsight I do not regret for one moment the decision I made to stay home. At times I was tired and weary, but I look back and cherish the memories of spending long days with my precious children, especially since I lost my eldest a few years ago. You never know what's down the pike, how many hours or days we have to spend together; I'll always be grateful for making the commitment to be a stay-at-home Mom. I guess it's true, nobody ever lies on their deathbed wishing they would have worked a little more.
 
I'd like to hear your opinion on women working outside the home vs. women staying at home.

The Bible seems to describe two paths. The Christian path and the path of "the world". At that time it seemed as the only distinction was a world of immorality, idolatry, and theft vs. the way to which Christians are called.

150 years ago women were told that they were too stupid to raise the children that God gave them and that professional educators were needed to do the job. 100 years ago women were told that they were oppressed by not having the opportunity to be a wage slave in a corporate hive. 50 years ago women were told that they were harmed by being prevented from killing unwanted children or poisoning themselves with chemicals to prevent the children that God would give them.

The Bible describes a picture of an honored wife and mother. The world describes a picture of a woman only valued by "society" for her utility. The very concept of family is on the brink of destruction.

Some today fight back against the powerful pull of the world. They say no to birth control and no to public education. They try to build a Christian family closer to those of years gone by. It isn't easy. God will not judge us as to how much money we made, how good a job we were able to get, or if we were able to get a few years of golf in before we went to the nursing home. God will be more interested in why we felt we needed to kill the children He wanted to give us and why we sent the two we allowed to survive to a public school where even the name of Jesus is forbidden to be mentioned.

Will a big house and second car really matter in eternal terms?

Proverbs 16:19
Better it is to be of a humble spirit with the meek and poor than to divide the spoil with the proud.
 
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