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Mad in America

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
(this is also the title of a REALLY good book...check it out sometime, if you get the chance)

Being "crazy" in the US isn't fun. I'm in recovery from a severe psychotic episode. My diagnosis is a severe form of Bipolar Disorder, probably because I have upper middle class parents behind me and I'm too lucid to make the case for schizophrenia.

Anyway, its like this....back when I was stupid and could have used a mental hospital (even a state mental hospital, honestly), docs around here pulled out the Freud. Dude has narcissism. Now that God's been healing me, has largely healed me, and, I pray, will continue to heal and transform me, I now have "schizophrenia," according to some angry ex-shrinks (did I mention that I got the medical board involved?).

To be "schizophrenic" (even when your shrink says its bipolar) is to be a 3rd class citizen. I'm perceived as stupid, as sub-human, as an untouchable. All my issues are explained away in terms of meds, or lack of meds, or the need for a hospital. Never mind that I'm remarkably stable, my IQ is up, and I'm actually recovering. Nope. Doesn't matter. I'm "schizophrenic," by popular demand.

To make things worse, people in my very small, very southern small town, blame me for my madness. Never mind that I had pre-crazy written all over me as a kid (socially awkward, spent too much time alone, physically inept, early onset severe depression with some psychosis). No, it doesn't matter. I'm "crazy" because I was apparently a promiscuous sissy. Crazy because I popped too many pills. Crazy because that's what I deserve.

Its...well...crazy-making, honestly. Here I am, minding my own business. I have to live with parents because the neighbors at my apartment were throwing things at the place and stealing my mail. I have to receive disability because no one will hire me. Ugh.

I'd love to move...but where? My option is an online degree, get some funds from my parents, and move in a couple years.

You know what's really terrible? If my parents weren't behind me, I'd be in prison or a state mental hospital, or at least on a court order, involuntarily receiving massive doses of antipsychotics.

That's what its like to be Mad in America, at least around here, for me.
 
Well, I for one do not see you as a second, or third, class citizen. Most, if not all, of your posts on here have been pretty lucid, as far as I can tell.

Good to have you here.
 
Thanks. Truth is, mental illness is real, but its used to stigmatize people. What's strange is that mental health people present themselves as being compassionate and trying to help people like me. The truth is they offer only "cruel compassion"--compassion based on your perceived inferiority--not true, Christ-like compassion.

Ugh. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not trying to be whiney, its just frustrating, that's all. I'm recovering, I'm better than ever, and I'm labeled as crazier than ever.
 
The best place to be during this time in your life is around people that will lift you up, this forum included.
 
Join the rest of us 'crazies," Christ_empowered ! There's someone out there that would label each and every one of as 'crazy' because we believe a certain way, don't do things in a certain way, drive cars that aren't certain makes & models... etc., etc., etc.

You have come a long way from where you were, thanks be to our Lord who loves you so very much! And as Knotical points out, the best place to be is around people who lift you up in brotherly love. And CFnet is a great place to be, because we know the tremendous healing our Lord is able to do. Plus, you can talk with us and know we are praying for you. This is a very good thing, indeed!

Be blessed!
 
Christ_empowered said:
Being "crazy" in the US isn't fun. I'm in recovery from a severe psychotic episode. My diagnosis is a severe form of Bipolar Disorder, probably because I have upper middle class parents behind me and I'm too lucid to make the case for schizophrenia.
Click to expand...
I know this subject is something you live with, are subjected to its stigma by others, and purpose to find resolution. While a diagnosis seems to vary due to profound episodes of behavior, there are common factors also that are helped by medication. A common problem of them suffering through this is the reluctance to continue treatment many times relegated to their families to administer.

With your history you’re probably aware it is an inherited disease as far as medical knowledge allows, and external stimuli does not affect its course, nor is its cause; i.e., bad parents, bullies, etc.

With your present mind set you seem to be operating on an above the average thought patterns for having suffered through so much, and I do hope you realize it is God helping you in these times. Did certain doctors make mistakes in your treatment? It’s very possible because it like many medical procedures is not an exact science. Below is a seemingly good link giving some insight to others not familiar with this disease.
http://www.schizophrenia.com/family/schizintro.html

What is schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia, a disease of the brain, is one of the most disabling and emotionally devastating illnesses known to man. But because it has been misunderstood for so long, it has received relatively little attention and its victims have been undeservingly stigmatized. Schizophrenia is not a split personality, a rare and very different disorder. Like cancer and diabetes, schizophrenia has a biological basis; it is not caused by bad parenting or personal weakness. Schizophrenia is, in fact, a relatively common disease, with an estimated one percent to one and a half percent of the U.S. population being diagnosed with it over the course of their lives. While there is no known cure for schizophrenia, it is a very treatable disease. Most of those afflicted by schizophrenia respond to drug therapy, and many are able to lead productive and fulfilling lives.
 
yeah, y'all are right...this is great place to be right now! I need to get into church and get to know some more people in "real time." That'll be good for me.

I didn't mean to come off as whiny or whatever, its just...ugh. Its rough, being "mad in America," you know? Also, because of my shady backstory--drugs, sodomy, effeminacy, etc.--I am one of the most thoroughly stigmatized people in my little community. God's healed me, and that's great, but...the stigma seems to linger. Also, I'm *still* in need of treatment, which is confusing. The Creator of the Universe has seen fit to make me appropriately masculine, physically healthier, and either more intelligent or more able to use my intelligence (6 of 1, 1/2 dozen the other I guess), but...I still need meds. Maybe there's some sort of lesson in that for me.
 
Christ_empowered said:
.I still need meds. Maybe there's some sort of lesson in that for me.
Click to expand...
I'll only repeat this here because you may not have seen me use it in another post earlier today. The Apostle Paul asked three times to be healed and the following scripture was the answer he received.

2 Cor 12:7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
2 Cor 12:8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
2 Cor 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

God is doing a mighty work in all of us, and they work together for our good. Just stay on those meds that is allowing you to continue to think straight, and praise God for them.
 
People can call you whatever they want. In Christ you ARE a new creation. Not going to be. You already have a sound spirit, your mind is just trying to catch up that's all. The more you study the bible, the more the change will come. Not overnight though. First the blade, the ear, then the full corn in the ear.
 
It takes time to heal. I spent 38 days in a healing center in New Mexico, three years ago, and I am still trying to reach that point of feeling like I have beat the depression and PTSD. Each day is a new day and a step of life. Let God strengthen you each day and read the instruction book from Him.
 
Thanks for all the great replies! Again, I'm not trying to whine too much. Its just frustrating, you know? I've largely been healed, and NOW I'm considered "crazy." I'm thinking...where were all the caring mental health professionals 6-8 years ago, when I was a burned out mess? Oh, I forgot...I was poor and ugly back then, and now my upper middle class people are behind me and I'm not ugly anymore. Right.

Anyway, I do have to commit myself to regular Bible study. When I was at Teen Challenge, they kinda crammed it into me, and I didn't read as much as I should have after wards. To be fair, I didn't come to repentance until nearly 3 years after TC. After that, Christ saw fit to clear my mind, so I really don't have an excuse anymore, now do I?

Again: thanks for all the replies. I guess I'm just frustrated because it seems like one big obstacle to recovering from mental illness is the mental illness system. I'm not trying to sound all angry and anti-psychiatry (I take meds for my issues...they're quite helpful, sometimes even lifesaving), but there's something about Mental Health, Inc. that encourages docility and the creation of victims, not independent thinking and the production of healthy, productive citizens. See where I'm going with this?
 
Technically, you never had an excuse to begin with. What you will discover through this journey is the need to let go of your pride and replace it a Christ-like humility. Once you have gotten to that step things will be much easier to deal with as you will realize that it has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with Christ. It is He that gives you the power to anything and everything.
 
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