But you seem to be normal and not like socially awkward like me as to where I say things bluntly and blantantly or so I have been told. Why did god curse us with these brauns then? I thought Jesus heals. So I want to discuss why we are cursed with these diseased brain. I just want to be normal like everyone else. I can’t pray about it either like some have suggest cause my mind goes completely blank and I don’t know what to say. I’m on different meds for the anxiety on cymbalta for that. My psychiatrist tried to put me on Concerta which is an evil drug that can EASILY kill you and I mean easily. A drug that should never be given to anyone omg I had such severe brain FUZZ like 100xs worse than brain zaps. I went to my regular family physician and asked to be taken off without tapering and he said yeah it was fine because I was on step 2 day 2. I’m glad I found and read the reviews about this medication, anyways my hubby says its really messed me up. Like how the heck does one behin to learn how to manage and control these “disorders” apparently I’m just a walking disorder. I hate ne ADHD more than anything cause I talk to much and too fast. I don’t know how to wait my turn, or not ovetspeak and interrupt, people say I’m an introvert which is true cause I get do exhausted and fatigued around people. Its like walking into a room if psychic vampires. I find I have a very hard time concentrating and focusing eith people around unless they whisper, but then whispering makes me super sleepy. I have to take sleeping pills because I have had severe insomnia and the sleep deptivation really shows especially around my eyes. There is no off switch to shutting down my brain. It’s like the energizer bunny it just keeps right on going. I forgot what its like to not sleep and I very much LOVE my zopiclones. They make me feel cery good after 15 minutes of taking them and it is the only I ever feel good, so no way in hell will I ever stop taking them and they can’t just stop giving them to me. I’ve been on them for a few years and after that you can never fall asleep without them.
I hate the crying fits that I become overwhelmed with. Like so mych iverwhelming pain just ivercomes and iovetwhelms me to the point that I Sob like a baby crying holding its breath with face turning red ready to let out a bloodhurling scream lol. And the tears flow for hours like a continuous flowing stream of tears. It’s kinda weird when I start feeling like that and then my cat comes to me and it goes away.
Being around people like in a classroom makes my anxiety shoot through the roof cause I know peopke don’t like me. Even my parents don’t call me.
My experiences with people have always been negative, bad and painful. I often refer to people as prickly cactuses. 0 zero trust. I barely trust my hubby as it is, even that is hanging by a thread. If it weren’t for my cymbalta I would be a hysterical
Mess. It’s so frustrating to be abnormal like I am and you can’t make it stop it make it go away. My memort sucks too. I smoke marijaunna for my fibromyalgia and take flexeril for my muscle cramps and soasms. Apparently my anxiety is severe enough to cause it to happen even if you are just sitting down.
The other things that suck about me is that I’n extremely noise sensitive. I cannot tolerate loud people or enviroments, me and loud people do not get along. Neighbors have learned how much I hate banging cupboards and doors and believe me you do not want to know, they are fairly quiet now cause with me, no one will the noise war except me. The noise sensitivity sucks a lot because when I go to wrie a test, I have to write it in a isolated room with noise cancelling headphones. Otherwise it’s like being in a room with a hubdred tennis balls bouncing off the walls. My thought process keeps restarting unable to retain any information. I truly do wish most days I was dead. I feel like I am a burden and a waste of space. I have no purpose and I have too many problems. Just so many why’s! Why and how could a flawless, holy and perfect god create such unholy, severely flawed and fallible people? Then my mind always goes back to my citcular thinking that I never asked to be here in the first place or born into the dysfunctional family I was born into. Then I’m told I gotta suffer every month cause some dumb brood made a bad choice so now I gotta suffer cause she was an uneducated idiot. If I saw a damn snake talking I would been freaked out and took off running or something. No one is the same, not everyone would have. Questions like that haunt my mind constantly.
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You know, one of the things that we come to understand as we get farther into our adult years, is that everyone has issues.
Perfection, is not found in people, its only found in Jesus and God.
This world is imperfect, and so is everyone else.
And i have to say, Chassidy, that when i read about all your issues that you feel are issues, i mostly just accept that you are a sensitive person, with an inquisitive mind, and dont have a lot of time for nonsense.
Chassidy, most people are stuck in "N" , neutral, and you seem to be a person who is set to run.
Thats a good thing.
I think you seem kinda normal, as all anyone can be is kinda normal, as perfection does not exit on this earth, in any form.
What we do, is accept ourselves, and embrace God's unconditional love, and spend as little time as possible doing things that harm us, and doing as much as we can to be good.
And regarding shrinks, .they are not there to solve anything, they are there to listen and have you solve it, and on your way there, they medicate you so that you can't solve anything............ is often the case.
But the worst thing they do, is that get you too focused on yourself, and that is, along with anxiety, the root of most issues with most people.
And one feeds the other, Chassidy.
They spend too much time thinking about themselves to the point they can be obsessive with it, and this is usually all wrapped up in anxiety.
I dont know you personally, but i know human nature, and id say that you need a reason to be here on the planet that makes you feel good.
As do we all.
DO you know what your's is?..............
I can tell you that the only one that will make you satisfied in your soul is the one that gives you bliss, and that is always involved with GOD.
God gives you joy, and joy is much much better then happiness, as happiness is here then gone.
Its fleeting.
But the Joy that God gives, is deeply rooted in satisfaction and contentment that you cant have without Him.
How about a hobby?
Do you play an instrument?
Do you make custom jewelry?
Do you draw, paint, sketch?
You should.,.......... as these are the real meds.
blessings,
<K><
These two are both good guys and they give some great advice so you ought to listen to them. 
