[__ Prayer __] mental illness is no fun

[Christ_empowered]

Mental illness is real. Its also...hard to deal with. My diagnosis is severe Bipolar I w/psychosis. I don't know how that's different from schizophrenia or schizoaffective, or why diagnosis really matters, but...there it is: Bipolar I.

My parents just left for work. My dad came home for lunch, my mom had been working from home and now she's going into the office. there's this distance between us...not just because of who I was and what I did, but because of who I am...The Other, that offspring who has mental problems and lives here...

There's a growing gap between me and my so-called "friends" from way back when. Graduate school, jobs in Atlanta, marriage, a kid or two....on and on it goes. Me? Well, what happened depends on whom you ask. The former shrinks--the ones who shocked me and made fun of me in public, talked about my "rinky dink middle class" family, etc.--say I was "severely narcissistic" and now I have "Schizophrenia."

My current counselor says I've had probs since childhood and this is the longest I've ever been stable, lucid, not "out there" in any major way. They ask about "manic symptoms" and "depressive symptoms," whereas these other people were all about punishment ("he needs to feel pain!," "humbling experiences," etc.).

Either way...I've got the mental probs now. The voices have largely dissipated. I hear whispers sometimes...that's often what tranquilizers do, reduce in your face psychosis to something more manageable....and I don't freak out, because tranquilizers also help you stay calm. This is apparently the best Mental Health, Inc. can do for those of us with severe problems...fancy new tranquilizers. Now that's what I call progress!

On the plus side...a lot of my discomfort is probably just waking up to...life. reality. Its odd...floating through life in a haze from "too much electroshock" is a horrible way to live...waking up from it, if that's what you can call this...is hard, too, for different reasons.

So...I know many of you pray for me anyway (I'm praying for you, too), but there it is: another prayer request, actually...mixed with a Praise Report. I realize now that I was once, not so long ago, so far gone that I didn't know I'd a) been annihilated by shock and b) was sick-er than ever. Now, I've largely "recovered from treatment," which is a miracle in and of itself, and I'm better able to spot my affliction rearing its ugly head than in the past, when I just rolled with it in my fairy land.

Praise God for bringing me this far, and I ask that God keep on working in my heart+life so I can do...something...with my life.

Thanks

 

[AirDancer]

Your testimony of all you've experienced to reach this point in your life is proof to any doubter that our Lord is amazingly loving towards us!

 

[Christ_empowered]

hi. Thanks for the reply (and ongoing prayer...). Its just...well, before I was mentally ill, but I'd been shocked back to the Stone Age, so I didn't "get it." Now--Praise God!--I've recovered from so-called "treatment," and...I'm still mentally ill, and I'm just now beginning to "get it" in any real sense.

My life is better than 99.xyz% of people who sinned the way I did and were treated the way I was treated. As seems to often be the case, The Lord has seen fit to make another one of His children "an exception to the rule," and I'm increasingly grateful.

Living in freedom, living in safety, even...living in comfort and being provided with what I need to genuinely recover and make a life out of what I have at my disposal, even with the mental affliction...its huge. I'm hoping and praying that I'll one day be more autonomous and able to live somewhere near my parents, but not with my parents. The downside to that is living in an often hostile community. Bad things have happened to me in years past, but...I've grown up a lot and I no longer have "waaaay too much psychiatric treatment" written all over me (read: easy target), so maybe things will be better the next time I get into a place. Here's hoping...

Thanks again, AirDancer.

 

[Brother Mike]

hi. Thanks for the reply (and ongoing prayer...). Its just...well, before I was mentally ill, but I'd been shocked back to the Stone Age, so I didn't "get it." Now--Praise God!--I've recovered from so-called "treatment," and...I'm still mentally ill, and I'm just now beginning to "get it" in any real sense.



Thanks again, AirDancer.

It's great to see God work in your life and see the progress.

hi. Thanks for the reply (and ongoing prayer...). Its just...well, before I was mentally ill, but I'd been shocked back to the Stone Age, so I didn't "get it." Now--Praise God!--I've recovered from so-called "treatment," and...I'm still mentally ill, and I'm just now beginning to "get it" in any real sense.

2Ti_1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

So God gave you the Holy Spirit where there is no fear, Power and sound mind, or your without God still and just delusional that God helped you because you say that your still Mentally Ill. It can't be both ways.

You believe more in what mere man tell you, and not the one that made the man and everything else.

Even voices, what significance do they have? There are many voices in this World, spirits, people, ones I might have thought up, but none do I give significance to but what the Word says.

Something my whisper to me, "Your going to die, and your family."

I say bring your best devil, see how that works out for you. What do I care, as the Word is truth, everything else a lie and I won't believe lies.

2Co_10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

You made progress that is good, but you need to choose who your going to believe. That takes mediation in the Word, lots.



Mike.

 

[Christ_empowered]

sometimes, I think "mental illness" is a lot of nonsense. I mean, they can't spot mental problems on a brain scan or in blood tests. "Treatment" means drugs that suppress certain symptoms. Treatment also often=serious adverse effects, some of them permanent.

I dunno...now that I've been saved going on the 4 year mark, I increasingly see hope for a life outside of Mental Health, Inc.

So...I guess I'm no more mentally ill than anybody else. Right now, my community (definitely my neighborhood) is big on labeling me "schizophrenic," which kinda tells you what the concept can be used for...invalidating and labeling somebody you never liked, anyway.

I did go crazy. I also led a life of serious, unrepentant sin until I got saved 3 years 9 months ago. I think its a miracle that I got saved, all things considered. maybe it's always a miracle when a sinner sees the light?

Now...well, sometimes I get tired of it all. The counselors, the doctors, the pharmacy, the diagnoses, the...everything. The ladies at the front desk of the clinic aren't very nice to me. I get the impression that "mental patients" are all supposed to be slow, heavily medicated, and poorly dressed. I'm no better than anyone else at the clinic, but Jesus has been working in my life in many ways since I got saved, so...I'm no longer a "lost soul," much less a "tortured soul."

I dunno. My counselor is a Born Again Christian. he has a masters of divinity, that's how he got into counseling. These days, most counselors have to come from a secular program and get the LPC, licensed Professional counselor. They aren't as good as this man, at least...not for me.

So, I get mixed signals. The main one is "always take your meds...don't question it, don't over-think it; its just like taking heart meds or diabetes meds, no big thing," and the other is...what if this wasn't ever a real "illness," anyway, and its been taken from me now?

I dunno. Meds aren't terrible. I do this high dose vitamin thing w/ the Rx stuff..."Orthomolecular..." seems to make the meds easier to tolerate. But maybe one day I just won't need these pills or disability? That'd be nice. If people who aren't saved can recover and taper off the drugs and leave Mental Health, Inc. behind them...shouldn't a Born Again child of God surely be able to do the same, over time?

I'm rambling. I just...sometimes, Mental Health, Inc. seems like The Emperor's New Clothes, but few people dare say so. They also seem to create victims and lifelong customers. I guess $$$ are a motive, but I think power and control are big factors, too.

Done now. Thanks for the posts.

 

[jack K]

Hi CE

Life just ain't easy at times and we all wish we could improve certain aspects of our lives. But your story has always touched me and inspired me. I think we all incomplete or have something missing in our lives but we need to make God the centre of our lives. It is easier said than done, we all have our bad days and tend to question things but we just need to keep going. If god has brought us so far in our lives who knows what is coming next in our lives. God has made us a promise that he will always be there for us, we just need to come to him. I speak for myself as well but let's have more hope and faith. Be optimistic and stay positive, you are who you say you are. Just stay on your pills, whether you get off it in the future or not. You still an inspiration, nobody is perfect and ever will be.