Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,722
Please keep me up in prayer (I know many of you do, anyway, and I appreciate it...).
I'm recovering from what my current counselor+psychiatrist call severe Bipolar I. For me, its mostly recurrent episodes of psychotic depression, although I did have a protracted nervous breakdown that was manic or mixed. Anyway...point is...I've made progress, thanks to Christ, in coming out of what is considered severe, chronic mental illness. I got saved 3.5 years ago and now...I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. I know that where things are Real, I became a new creation in Christ Jesus once I got genuinely saved. I believe that. In my case, God has been kind...He has seen fit that my freedom and His forgiveness of me plays out in my life, here, in many respects, even...physically. I'm blessed.
Problem is...well, the world is terrible. Always has been. Human nature is probably the same now as it was 4,000 years ago. If anything, I'm blessed to be where I am at this point in time. Christians are apparently the most persecuted religious group, internationally. People die for their faith everyday. --If-- some of what I've gone through and am going through (and, sadly, probably will endure...) is persecution, then its mild compared both to what happens to others and to what --could-- easily be happened, have happened, to me. Again, I'm blessed.
The neighbors are at it again. Last nite, I was chilling in a little room next to my bedroom. The neighbor man yelled out--deliberately loud enough for me to hear, of course (as always)--"so what if he's a different person? A little prison time will be good for him."
This morning, a bit before 9, I was on the porch having a smoke and listening to music on my phone. The song stopped, and sure enough...I heard the neighbor lady yelling something at me. I mean, loud, yelling. Then the music started again and it drowned her out.
Last night, I heard some people, and it sounded kinda close...people have been in the yard before, at night. Somebody stole my dad's tool box at one point. One neighbor's place was broken into. My dad's lawn tractor was stolen, probably by the guy he'd pay to mow now and then. Point is...even though this is an OK part of a small, southern town, its not super safe, so it wasn't my mental problems acting up on me, I'm fairly certain of that.
I'm beginning to see that my neighborhood is pretty much populated by unbelievers who have a serious problem with me, and maybe with my family, too. That one set of neighbors had dudes on loud motorcycles over today...I had to drive by on my way to get a coffee, and their little friends looked...sketchy, at best. Now I'm beginning to see why I sometimes hear them at 3 in the AM and such, and why they sometimes yell out nasty sexual stuff at me (it was worse when I first moved in). It certainly helps, of course, that my mind seems to have been restored...I take meds and all, but the hazy, simple-minded la-la-land has given way to...remarkably normalcy. That alone is a miracle, to me.
Waking up, recovering--in my case, first from treatment...now, increasingly, from the underlying problems that led to the shock and such--is beautiful. What's ugly is...well, I am a vulnerable person in this community (not a "member of the community," but rather...a person in the community), and I was 11 years ago, when this all started after my 1st hospitalization. I was never well-liked, never considered "good enough" for anybody..I was regarded as "uppity" starting in high school, and...and...
...now, I'm classified as "uppity mental patient." Lucky me. In the absolute sense, my actual oppression, bondage, etc. has come to an end, thanks to Christ. I don't live in abject poverty, I have people who love me and take good care of me, and I'm now physically healthy...healthier than ever, actually (I was sickly as a tween, teen, and then a burn out in most of my twenties). Praise God for His goodness.
Its just...the world. I'm surrounded by lying liars who yell lies at me. "You got a felony!" "You're going to prison!" "Your Public Defender can't save you now!" "The judge took pity on you, weakling!" on and on and on...
I did get in trouble. My dad was kind enough to hire a lawyer (God clearly moved on his heart). I have a class A misdemeanor, which is serious bizness, but...still: not a felony. The judge didn't take pity on me, that's for sure. If anything, she seemed a little bit angry that I had what she described as an "excellent attorney" representing me. Again: "uppity mental patient." Darned if you do, darned if you don't.
As per usual, I've rambled. As always, this post is for me, too. Jesus has done wonderful things for me, only 3.5 years into my walk with The Lord. What surrounds me is...frightening, sometimes, and insulting, all the time...but I'm beginning to see that its not Real, not Real like Christ's work in my life.
Still...vulnerable person in the community, I'm perceived as "uppity," etc. etc. etc. Please pray for me.
Thanks.
I'm recovering from what my current counselor+psychiatrist call severe Bipolar I. For me, its mostly recurrent episodes of psychotic depression, although I did have a protracted nervous breakdown that was manic or mixed. Anyway...point is...I've made progress, thanks to Christ, in coming out of what is considered severe, chronic mental illness. I got saved 3.5 years ago and now...I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. I know that where things are Real, I became a new creation in Christ Jesus once I got genuinely saved. I believe that. In my case, God has been kind...He has seen fit that my freedom and His forgiveness of me plays out in my life, here, in many respects, even...physically. I'm blessed.
Problem is...well, the world is terrible. Always has been. Human nature is probably the same now as it was 4,000 years ago. If anything, I'm blessed to be where I am at this point in time. Christians are apparently the most persecuted religious group, internationally. People die for their faith everyday. --If-- some of what I've gone through and am going through (and, sadly, probably will endure...) is persecution, then its mild compared both to what happens to others and to what --could-- easily be happened, have happened, to me. Again, I'm blessed.
The neighbors are at it again. Last nite, I was chilling in a little room next to my bedroom. The neighbor man yelled out--deliberately loud enough for me to hear, of course (as always)--"so what if he's a different person? A little prison time will be good for him."
This morning, a bit before 9, I was on the porch having a smoke and listening to music on my phone. The song stopped, and sure enough...I heard the neighbor lady yelling something at me. I mean, loud, yelling. Then the music started again and it drowned her out.
Last night, I heard some people, and it sounded kinda close...people have been in the yard before, at night. Somebody stole my dad's tool box at one point. One neighbor's place was broken into. My dad's lawn tractor was stolen, probably by the guy he'd pay to mow now and then. Point is...even though this is an OK part of a small, southern town, its not super safe, so it wasn't my mental problems acting up on me, I'm fairly certain of that.
I'm beginning to see that my neighborhood is pretty much populated by unbelievers who have a serious problem with me, and maybe with my family, too. That one set of neighbors had dudes on loud motorcycles over today...I had to drive by on my way to get a coffee, and their little friends looked...sketchy, at best. Now I'm beginning to see why I sometimes hear them at 3 in the AM and such, and why they sometimes yell out nasty sexual stuff at me (it was worse when I first moved in). It certainly helps, of course, that my mind seems to have been restored...I take meds and all, but the hazy, simple-minded la-la-land has given way to...remarkably normalcy. That alone is a miracle, to me.
Waking up, recovering--in my case, first from treatment...now, increasingly, from the underlying problems that led to the shock and such--is beautiful. What's ugly is...well, I am a vulnerable person in this community (not a "member of the community," but rather...a person in the community), and I was 11 years ago, when this all started after my 1st hospitalization. I was never well-liked, never considered "good enough" for anybody..I was regarded as "uppity" starting in high school, and...and...
...now, I'm classified as "uppity mental patient." Lucky me. In the absolute sense, my actual oppression, bondage, etc. has come to an end, thanks to Christ. I don't live in abject poverty, I have people who love me and take good care of me, and I'm now physically healthy...healthier than ever, actually (I was sickly as a tween, teen, and then a burn out in most of my twenties). Praise God for His goodness.
Its just...the world. I'm surrounded by lying liars who yell lies at me. "You got a felony!" "You're going to prison!" "Your Public Defender can't save you now!" "The judge took pity on you, weakling!" on and on and on...
I did get in trouble. My dad was kind enough to hire a lawyer (God clearly moved on his heart). I have a class A misdemeanor, which is serious bizness, but...still: not a felony. The judge didn't take pity on me, that's for sure. If anything, she seemed a little bit angry that I had what she described as an "excellent attorney" representing me. Again: "uppity mental patient." Darned if you do, darned if you don't.
As per usual, I've rambled. As always, this post is for me, too. Jesus has done wonderful things for me, only 3.5 years into my walk with The Lord. What surrounds me is...frightening, sometimes, and insulting, all the time...but I'm beginning to see that its not Real, not Real like Christ's work in my life.
Still...vulnerable person in the community, I'm perceived as "uppity," etc. etc. etc. Please pray for me.
Thanks.
