[__ Prayer __] mind restored, doubts

[Christ_empowered]

ECT wiped me out. 23, zapped back to the stone age, involuntarily. Now, I'm very close to 30, I'm smart (praise God), I'm healthy (praise God), I'm looking to get off disability, out of my parents house, and into the job market doing...something, lol.

When my IQ went up and some of my memories started returning, I thought: OK. This is what full restoration looks like. I was wrong.

Intensive ECT also reduces nuance, social skills, initiative, Self. Its terrible, really. I think they should ban it. I hear docs pushing it, and I think: maybe ECT represents what psychiatry is about, at its core: dehumanization. Or not. I could be wrong.

Point is, I'm now regaining humanity--social skills, drive, curiosity, etc.--and its amazing. But I'm having doubts.

Doubts about Christ who saved me, of all people. Doubts about the goodness of other Christians. Doubts about my salvation, my future, my recovery.

Its like...you read that Christians have a comparable divorce rate to the rest of society. Pastors with dysfunctional families, pill popping wives. Church people stigmatizing me locally, blaming me for ALL of my problems and judging me...

I dunno. When I get really down, I think of who I used to be, and how far I've come, and I think: who but Jesus would do this, for me of all people? That helps, sometimes.

Please pray for me to develop solid faith, now that my mind is back in action.

 

[Eugene]

Many times our biggest enemy to our spiritual progress is our own remembrance of things past. Praying for you in Jesus' name.

 

[AirDancer]

You have the hunger within you for mature knowledge of our Lord, my friend; you have shown this time and time again. You know all too well where you've been...and you know where you are now, thanks to the abundant blessings from and pure love of our Lord to you. You'll continue to grow in your faith because you love our Lord.

Life has to be approached with a balance view. There is a lot of very good, positive aspects to life, just as there are a lot of nasty, negative aspects. Walking with our Lord allows us to see the negative while focusing more on the good. Because we are His 'good will ambassadors' (so to speak), it is important for us to appreciate the good and to share our awareness of all the wonderful blessings our Lord has provided to us, even when amongst life's troubles.

Prayers continue for you, Christ_empowered . And please remember: you ARE empowered by our Lord Jesus Christ!

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, I'm feeling more hopeful now, lol.

I think I spend too much time reading about God and not enough time in His word. I'll work on that.

 

[Angel]

I will pray what you ask for.

 

[GrannyJ]

We all have doubts at times. Keep your eyes on Jesus; fellow Christians are imperfect and can let you down sometimes, but Jesus is the same always.