Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,240
- 10,721
Me, yet again.
There's more talk around me of jail, warrants, prison, etc. By God's grace, I am getting better at handling it. Because of God's work in my life, I am: alive at all, healty, smart, remarkably...whole.
Thing is, people like me...don't matter to the world. Actually, now that I think about it, its more like...people like me "bring out the demon" in people. We are supposed to be poor, die at a young age, go to prison, go to jail, etc. And yet...
...by God's grace, I'm something of an exception to the rule. I got saved while on bond, facing felony charges stemming from stuff from a very angry former psychiatrist. Thing about it is...I was 28 at that point, and this same psychiatrist, I learned later, had me pegged as "dead by 23" from the moment I entered his office. Keep in mind; I was college student at the time.
That was 4 1/2 years ago. I will soon--God willing--turn 33, in freedom+in safety, in good health, living with my now more financially "comfortable" people. In that case, the felony was reduced to a very serious misdemeanor, and I was given a suspended sentence and a good bit of probation. I completed probation witout incident, so I was released from probation after 3 years instead of the 5 years to which I had been sentenced. I have officially been free from probation for nearly 7 months now.
I cannot claim any sort of innocence or sinless-ness. I was a particularly miserable, unrepentant wretch for most of my life. Happens.
I just...get...frustrated. When I was 20 years old, "experts" at a private, for profit mental hospital went out of their way to "teach me a lesson" and "make an example" out of me. Their #1 tool in going about this? Well...they're psychiatrists, so...BRAIN DAMAGE. Lots and lots of brain damage, deliberately inflicted upon me, to make me "more manageable," etc.
I know I'm rambling. At this point, I'm a New Creation in Christ Jesus, and He has seen fit to make that true at all levels of my being. I am increasingly thankful. Along with my gratitude, my growth in Christ, my overall (much needed) maturation, God's work in my life, as a whole, comes...
an awareness of how impossible my existence was, before Christ, and how easily freedom and...everything...can be snatched from people like me, especially where I live (The Bible Belt--1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep).
I haven't done drugs in years. I have not had a single drink in years. Christ's work in my life has even made it possible for me to ease off some of the prescribed psych drugs. And yet...
"There's no such thing as 2nd chances," or at least that's what I've heard about my situation. Its...crazy. People around here openly say "he doesn't know HIS PLACE IN SOCIETY!" and "This is what happens when you don't know YOUR PLACE IN SOCIETY!," etc. My mistake? Being born into an upwardly mobile family in the south that started out as working class, straight out of graduate school. Oh, that and, apparently, being "too smart," because people like who I am, people like who I was (definitely...) aren't "supposed to be smart." Great. Welcome to The Bible Belt. F@ggots don't need brain cells.
Ugh. Again, sorry to ramble. Its...interresting. My whole existence was something of a mystery to me for most of my life. Lots of factors combined made it so, especially the heavy duty, involuntary shock "treatments" the psychiatrists used on me in years past. I should add that these psychiatrists are not a "couple of bad apples;" they're quite well-regarded around here. I see now...Mental Health, Inc. deliberately creates victims .
OK. I have been praying a good bit for The Lord to forgive me for my fear, take it from me, and replace it with "the pefect love that casteth out all fear." At this point, I'm not paranoid or crippled by fear, but I do see now, in a way that I never did, never could, before...The Lord spared me throughout my existence, and then His mercy brought me to genuine repentance. Scripture calls people like who I was, to some extent people like who I am now, "the least of these," and The Lord loves us. People around here call me a lot of horrible names, openly, including "one of society's rejects."
Thank you for your prayers and support. I ask, yet again, that your pray that The Lord will free me from all bondage and oppression .
There's more talk around me of jail, warrants, prison, etc. By God's grace, I am getting better at handling it. Because of God's work in my life, I am: alive at all, healty, smart, remarkably...whole.
Thing is, people like me...don't matter to the world. Actually, now that I think about it, its more like...people like me "bring out the demon" in people. We are supposed to be poor, die at a young age, go to prison, go to jail, etc. And yet...
...by God's grace, I'm something of an exception to the rule. I got saved while on bond, facing felony charges stemming from stuff from a very angry former psychiatrist. Thing about it is...I was 28 at that point, and this same psychiatrist, I learned later, had me pegged as "dead by 23" from the moment I entered his office. Keep in mind; I was college student at the time.
That was 4 1/2 years ago. I will soon--God willing--turn 33, in freedom+in safety, in good health, living with my now more financially "comfortable" people. In that case, the felony was reduced to a very serious misdemeanor, and I was given a suspended sentence and a good bit of probation. I completed probation witout incident, so I was released from probation after 3 years instead of the 5 years to which I had been sentenced. I have officially been free from probation for nearly 7 months now.
I cannot claim any sort of innocence or sinless-ness. I was a particularly miserable, unrepentant wretch for most of my life. Happens.
I just...get...frustrated. When I was 20 years old, "experts" at a private, for profit mental hospital went out of their way to "teach me a lesson" and "make an example" out of me. Their #1 tool in going about this? Well...they're psychiatrists, so...BRAIN DAMAGE. Lots and lots of brain damage, deliberately inflicted upon me, to make me "more manageable," etc.
I know I'm rambling. At this point, I'm a New Creation in Christ Jesus, and He has seen fit to make that true at all levels of my being. I am increasingly thankful. Along with my gratitude, my growth in Christ, my overall (much needed) maturation, God's work in my life, as a whole, comes...
an awareness of how impossible my existence was, before Christ, and how easily freedom and...everything...can be snatched from people like me, especially where I live (The Bible Belt--1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep).
I haven't done drugs in years. I have not had a single drink in years. Christ's work in my life has even made it possible for me to ease off some of the prescribed psych drugs. And yet...
"There's no such thing as 2nd chances," or at least that's what I've heard about my situation. Its...crazy. People around here openly say "he doesn't know HIS PLACE IN SOCIETY!" and "This is what happens when you don't know YOUR PLACE IN SOCIETY!," etc. My mistake? Being born into an upwardly mobile family in the south that started out as working class, straight out of graduate school. Oh, that and, apparently, being "too smart," because people like who I am, people like who I was (definitely...) aren't "supposed to be smart." Great. Welcome to The Bible Belt. F@ggots don't need brain cells.
Ugh. Again, sorry to ramble. Its...interresting. My whole existence was something of a mystery to me for most of my life. Lots of factors combined made it so, especially the heavy duty, involuntary shock "treatments" the psychiatrists used on me in years past. I should add that these psychiatrists are not a "couple of bad apples;" they're quite well-regarded around here. I see now...Mental Health, Inc. deliberately creates victims .
OK. I have been praying a good bit for The Lord to forgive me for my fear, take it from me, and replace it with "the pefect love that casteth out all fear." At this point, I'm not paranoid or crippled by fear, but I do see now, in a way that I never did, never could, before...The Lord spared me throughout my existence, and then His mercy brought me to genuine repentance. Scripture calls people like who I was, to some extent people like who I am now, "the least of these," and The Lord loves us. People around here call me a lot of horrible names, openly, including "one of society's rejects."
Thank you for your prayers and support. I ask, yet again, that your pray that The Lord will free me from all bondage and oppression .