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My husband had an anger outburst in a restaurant at girlfriend of mine-help

M

mizarc

Member
Scenario...

My husband had an anger outburst in a restaurant at girlfriend of mine-help

I have 4 lifelong girlfriends, then we all married and now there's 4 couples.

We all went to dinner.

The husbands are not really friends.

My husband asked my girlfriend a provoking question pushed and pushed her, and she reacted back to him.

He's a bit of an antagonist with a temper and is not used to people reacting back at him.

Well she said something that he didn't like, and he reacted angrily and swore at her.

Her husband said- " hey , that's uncalled for"

He got up and swore at all of them and stormed out and left me there.

The girls were my lifelong friends.

what do I do now as I did nothing to cause this, there is a standoff and no-one is talking?

I'm in the middle of it, with an angry husband who may have ruined my friendships.

please help.
 
If they are true friendships they will honor your relationship with him and not hold you responsible for him. A true friend is able to give space when it is needed.
 
mizarc said:
Scenario...

My husband had an anger outburst in a restaurant at girlfriend of mine-help

I have 4 lifelong girlfriends, then we all married and now there's 4 couples.

We all went to dinner.

The husbands are not really friends.

My husband asked my girlfriend a provoking question pushed and pushed her, and she reacted back to him.

He's a bit of an antagonist with a temper and is not used to people reacting back at him.

Well she said something that he didn't like, and he reacted angrily and swore at her.

Her husband said- " hey , that's uncalled for"

He got up and swore at all of them and stormed out and left me there.

The girls were my lifelong friends.

what do I do now as I did nothing to cause this, there is a standoff and no-one is talking?

I'm in the middle of it, with an angry husband who may have ruined my friendships.

please help.
Click to expand...


Hi , you've been here 2005 so welcome back:wave
yeah, i agree with Fedusenko. It's not easy to be in the middle of that but just give a time for them to cool off. Your husband needs a serious prayer for his temper though.
 
You might want to get him into some kind of counseling...

if you're ever out with him and he becomes antagonistic again, tell him to grow up. Hopefully your friends will understand the problem is him and not you.
 
If they are your lifelong friends, they should be understanding. Frankly, they have probably been pitying you for some time.

You'll have to balance being loyal to your husband (ie... do not complain about him or put him down in front of your girlfriends) with maintaining your friendship with them. Perhaps a call to the one he jumped on... just to say you were sorry that it happened and that you'd still like to get together with her sans husbands now and then, followed up with a girl's lunch date. Again though... do not complain or put your husband down before the friends.

As for your husband, one can be angry and yet not sin...but he sinned in his anger. Reproof is clearly called for, but it doesn't sound as if he would be willing to accept it. If he would, then it's part of a helpmeet's duty to help her husband know when he is sinning... and that was clearly sinful behavior on his part. As with all rebukes within the Church (especially so since he's your husband) make sure that you two are alone and that your intention is to help him see the error he is making, not to lash out at him for embarrassing you and making things difficult with your friends.

If he cannot handle any kind of rebuke... well, hate to say it, but then he's a foolish man and you'll need to learn to live with that. About the only thing you'll be able to do is pray for wisdom for him and live a good witness before him.
 
handy said:
If they are your lifelong friends, they should be understanding. Frankly, they have probably been pitying you for some time.
Click to expand...

Like we do now.

Your husband sounds like a class A jerk who starts things and assumes everyone is his verbal plaything. I already like the lady who shot back at him - keep her in your life! ;)

As to your husband... if you have no kids with him, I'd give him an ultimatum.
 
elizabethbraddock said:
What's that matter when her husband is the one in the wrong?

While she should be loyal to her husband, one does not just toss aside lifelong friendships so easily.
Click to expand...

Maybe her husband isn't wrong. I have seen many fights like this where there is a "friend" who is causing trouble in a marriage. We don't know any of the history of this conflict. I seriously doubt this all started at dinner on the night in question.
 
Like Joe said we do not know the whole story of this conflict. These are your friends from before you married so you can not expect your husband to be friends with them or their husbands. It might be better to just not include your husband, unless he agrees to be with you and them, and just have girls day outings. It's more fun with just the girls. Once in a while select a girlfriend and her husband to have a couples outing such as lunch, dinner or whatever would interest your husband as maybe he feels a little left out seeing these are your friends and not his. Just a thought.

I would also say if your husband has anger management issues you would seek counseling or at least the two of you sit and talk out the problems and never, never talk to your girlfriends about him behind his back unless you are saying nice things about him to them.
 
I think the OP was pretty straightforward about what happened...

Her husband asked a provoking question in a social setting. Then kept at it, which makes it seem pretty clear that at first, her friend tried to politely change the subject. Then he kept at her and at her until she reacted and so he swore at her (lucky her husband didn't punch his nose at this point), lost his temper and stormed out...

...hard to see anyone to blame in this scenario except the husband. And, sometimes loyalty to our husbands means to help them see when they are in error. In private and with love, but the behavior is clearly wrong, sinful... and a loving wife doesn't just sit around and let her husband wallow in unrepentant sin. Part of the job description of "helpmeet" would be to help one's husband meet his responsibility to act like a civilized human being in social settings.

However, I'm not so sure about mizarc's husband. There is no profit in rebuking a "fool" and if he's the type that will just spin into out of control anger, she's better off just taking it all to God in prayer. Mizarc probably knows whether or not it would be profitable or pointless to rebuke her husband, and should act accordingly.

I do agree with you f_h_g, that it might be best for her to just have girlfriend time sans husbands. And especially that she should in no way, under any circumstances, speak badly of her husband to her girlfriends.
 
handy said:
I think the OP was pretty straightforward about what happened...

Her husband asked a provoking question in a social setting. Then kept at it, which makes it seem pretty clear that at first, her friend tried to politely change the subject. Then he kept at her and at her until she reacted and so he swore at her (lucky her husband didn't punch his nose at this point), lost his temper and stormed out...

...hard to see anyone to blame in this scenario except the husband. And, sometimes loyalty to our husbands means to help them see when they are in error. In private and with love, but the behavior is clearly wrong, sinful... and a loving wife doesn't just sit around and let her husband wallow in unrepentant sin. Part of the job description of "helpmeet" would be to help one's husband meet his responsibility to act like a civilized human being in social settings.

However, I'm not so sure about mizarc's husband. There is no profit in rebuking a "fool" and if he's the type that will just spin into out of control anger, she's better off just taking it all to God in prayer. Mizarc probably knows whether or not it would be profitable or pointless to rebuke her husband, and should act accordingly.

I do agree with you f_h_g, that it might be best for her to just have girlfriend time sans husbands. And especially that she should in no way, under any circumstances, speak badly of her husband to her girlfriends.
Click to expand...

Absolutely agreed.
 
If you have spoken badly about your husband to your friends then you undoubtedly can allready hear satans whispers. For he desires to sift you like wheat Luk_22:31 Simon, Simon, behold, Satan asked to have you, that he might sift you as wheat:. He will influence your friends to attack your husband and influence you to entertain every thought against him in your disapproval of his acts he will begin to entice you with imaginations of victory in your arguments with your husbasnd. You will begin to justify your anger against your husband, and it will be hard for you to hear Gods whispers among satans loud seductions
Jas 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Jas 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
Jas 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Jas 1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Jas 1:16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
At all cost you are obligated by scripture to be his help meet not his help dictator. You meet him where he is just as you would have him do with you
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing..
You know that you are a woman married to a man and that you yourself are not perfect in his eyes. this man that you married probably convinced you at one time that you could spend the rest of your life with him and that you could even be with him alone together without your friends involvment. your life will not benifit the same with a life long friend that has her own husband and family as it would with a man in which you have chosen to engage in a life long companionship with he will love you he will provide for you he will cherish you as a special element in his life he will need you he, will die for you. If however you build up resentment toward him it will only tempt you to let it grow sin is like leavening it puffs up it will start with tiny bit but when it is fermented mature it will be puffed up enlarged enraged and it will destroy the fiber of what your relationship is composed of 1Co 5:6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
. It sounds like your husband needs you to stand by him and let your friends decide if they want to be a part of both of your lives as you are one and you need each other
Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
. the true friends will deminstrate love and compasion for him the selfish friends will try to recruit you for their own agenda, And at this point if satan has the upper hand in spiritual influence he will be trying to get your friends to also influence you. HE IS LIKE ROARING LION SEARCHING ABOUT LOOKING FOR THE WEAK TO DEVOUR 1Pe 5:8 . his influence may have already caused your husband to stumble and now his focus will be to cause you make your husband stumble even more it is up to you at this point. will you help your husband ? or will you listen to the influence of ungodly ideas? GOD WANTS YOU TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND. He has given you this task are you a strong enough Christian to work at it with all of your might Ecc 9:10 Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might . Remember your husband is the head of your venture with him he needs you to be on his side. that doesnt mean you have to agree with his action but it does mean that you might need to do every thing with in your power to make it work even if that means letting your friends go so that you can enjoy the life you hoped for with your husband. If you cant do that you are failing as a wife and you your self might need the counseling. Divorce would be the ultimate worse case senario and it will only lead you down a road of denial and regret. It would be far more rewarding to figure out what makes your husband happy and go from there, develop a strategy that allows you be a larger and more significant influence to him than that of the devil and strengthen your faith because your faith is your shield in which you hide behind it protects you from the firey darts of the enemy. Eph 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
mizarc said:
Scenario...

My husband had an anger outburst in a restaurant at girlfriend of mine-help

I have 4 lifelong girlfriends, then we all married and now there's 4 couples.

We all went to dinner.

The husbands are not really friends.

My husband asked my girlfriend a provoking question pushed and pushed her, and she reacted back to him.

He's a bit of an antagonist with a temper and is not used to people reacting back at him.

Well she said something that he didn't like, and he reacted angrily and swore at her.

Her husband said- " hey , that's uncalled for"

He got up and swore at all of them and stormed out and left me there.

The girls were my lifelong friends.

what do I do now as I did nothing to cause this, there is a standoff and no-one is talking?

I'm in the middle of it, with an angry husband who may have ruined my friendships.

please help.
Click to expand...

I didnt notice the date on this thread before I posted. I hope all is well
 
Sparrowhawke said:
Yes, it is a "stale" thread. The OP is male and hasn't been here for awhile (since 06-27-2012 12:45 AM).
Click to expand...
LOL! Since this came up under "new posts" I was reading it and wondering why it was no one was asking why a male was complaining about his "husband"! Glad to see I wasn't the only one. :)
 
LOL! Since this came up under "new posts" I was reading it and wondering why it was no one was asking why a male was complaining about his "husband"! Glad to see I wasn't the only one.
Click to expand...
That's how well people pay attention. :lol
Honestly I hadn't noticed it either.

Sometime people click the wrong thing when setting up the profile information. That's the first thing I'd think of when somebody seem to have the false gender. They accidentially clicked male, or clicked nothing at all and then the system automatically considers them male.... or something like that. But from the other two posts this user made I'd think he/she/it is just a troll.

Although it's a good question... what should a person do when their partner and their best friends aren't getting along? There are people that actually have to deal with situations like the one described in the OP.
That's why nobody really suspected a troll here.
 
Claudya said:
That's how well people pay attention. :lol
Honestly I hadn't noticed it either.

Sometime people click the wrong thing when setting up the profile information. That's the first thing I'd think of when somebody seem to have the false gender. They accidentially clicked male, or clicked nothing at all and then the system automatically considers them male.... or something like that. But from the other two posts this user made I'd think he/she/it is just a troll.

Although it's a good question... what should a person do when their partner and their best friends aren't getting along? There are people that actually have to deal with situations like the one described in the OP.
That's why nobody really suspected a troll here.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I thought it was a good question too and found the varied responses interesting. they seemed to be all over the place from "It's HIS fault" to "You can't blame him" type of answers. Goes to show how confusing and varied these situations can be, especially when we only have one side to work from.

But as for a troll, yeah, I think you might be right. I noticed too that on his first two posts they looked like they were simply copied and pasted from some email he got from someone else. He didn't even bother removing the ">" symbols! :)
 
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