AmazingGrace
Member
My husband and I, as well as our two small children, recently starting going back to church about 6 months ago. Prior to that, we have been in and out of 2-3 churches, never really establishing roots, or becoming involved members. There are several reasons for this, but most importantly, I think, was our Biblical ignorance and his past church experiences.
When my husband was around 8 years old his family began attending church, became involved for several years and then the church divided. They were in and out of a few churches from there on out. It's important to note that his parents are "hyper-sensitive" and highly "reactive" people, so this church bouncing is probably an effect of this personality. They harbor ill-will towards people and churches who "wronged" them and fluxuate from extreme love of the church family to extreme dislike.
My husband and I are both saved and baptized. My problem is that he won't take charge of dinner prayer, or pray when he host birthday parties or holiday functions; he asks someone else to do it. He won't lead bedtime prayers or become the spiritual leader in our home in any way. He won't pray openly/verbally at all!! He won't take part in the men's outreach or do anything with the church family unless it is a family event. For example, I attend the women's study group and get together with church family a few times a month. My husband won't socialize with ANYONE independent of my own gatherings.
I am so frustrated. I think, in part, it is linked to the experiences he had as a child. His parents began attending church and becoming active members, but once those church doors were closed and they were home, his mother would turn into a tyrant...a screaming...cursing...lunatic...yet, in the presence of church family, her behavior switched, and this cycle has continued to this day. Suffice it to say that my my husband is skeptical of "true" Christianity. He has an exceptionally difficult time outwardly displaying his faith, I believe, as a result of watching his mother fake her way through Christianity. And while she may have fooled many, we ultimately realize that the greatest fool is herself, and we mourn for her.
With all that said, however, I think what happens, is my husband begins questioning his own salvation because, like ALL humans, we ALL fall short, and when his own shortcomings begin to surface, he feels like a "fake" Christian, and thinks he's his mother. He's greatly missing the point of God's mercy and grace, and recognizing that we will ALWAYS struggle with sin while on earth.
I don't even know if this is why he won't take charge. I just need him to be, who God called him to be, as a man, as a husband and as a father. I CAN'T FILL HIS ROLE, but I feel like I'm trying to compensate and filling in the gaps, and it just doesn't work because it's not my ROLE. As a woman, I was called to be a woman, a wife and a mother.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer me insight or BTDT experience?
When my husband was around 8 years old his family began attending church, became involved for several years and then the church divided. They were in and out of a few churches from there on out. It's important to note that his parents are "hyper-sensitive" and highly "reactive" people, so this church bouncing is probably an effect of this personality. They harbor ill-will towards people and churches who "wronged" them and fluxuate from extreme love of the church family to extreme dislike.
My husband and I are both saved and baptized. My problem is that he won't take charge of dinner prayer, or pray when he host birthday parties or holiday functions; he asks someone else to do it. He won't lead bedtime prayers or become the spiritual leader in our home in any way. He won't pray openly/verbally at all!! He won't take part in the men's outreach or do anything with the church family unless it is a family event. For example, I attend the women's study group and get together with church family a few times a month. My husband won't socialize with ANYONE independent of my own gatherings.
I am so frustrated. I think, in part, it is linked to the experiences he had as a child. His parents began attending church and becoming active members, but once those church doors were closed and they were home, his mother would turn into a tyrant...a screaming...cursing...lunatic...yet, in the presence of church family, her behavior switched, and this cycle has continued to this day. Suffice it to say that my my husband is skeptical of "true" Christianity. He has an exceptionally difficult time outwardly displaying his faith, I believe, as a result of watching his mother fake her way through Christianity. And while she may have fooled many, we ultimately realize that the greatest fool is herself, and we mourn for her.
With all that said, however, I think what happens, is my husband begins questioning his own salvation because, like ALL humans, we ALL fall short, and when his own shortcomings begin to surface, he feels like a "fake" Christian, and thinks he's his mother. He's greatly missing the point of God's mercy and grace, and recognizing that we will ALWAYS struggle with sin while on earth.
I don't even know if this is why he won't take charge. I just need him to be, who God called him to be, as a man, as a husband and as a father. I CAN'T FILL HIS ROLE, but I feel like I'm trying to compensate and filling in the gaps, and it just doesn't work because it's not my ROLE. As a woman, I was called to be a woman, a wife and a mother.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer me insight or BTDT experience?
