My husband left me

[Samara]

Hi,

I am just wanting to know what some of the thoughts are biblically on what is left for me now. My husband of 8 years left me just over a year ago now. We separated, with him telling me that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. He tells me he loves me more than anything else in this world still, but that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. The pain and grief I feel from this is just awful. It has been so long now, and he hasn't had a change of heart and he even handed me divorce papers. He also decided a year ago before this happened that he doesn't believe in God anymore (which is just mind boggling as he was one of the most dedicated and loving Christians I have ever met).

He is still a decent guy, but I just don't know what to do next. I still hope and pray that something miraculous will happen and he will turn around and come back to me.. but I can't sit and live in that hope.

I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I want to have children as well.. I have no immediate plans to find another partner, and I wont for quite some time. In fact I can't even imagine how I will ever be ready for some one else, but - what does God expect of people in my situation. Am I expected to be alone without a partner and children for the rest of my life? If my husband doesn't turn around and come back.. is it wrong for me to one day seek another?

 

[jasoncran]

i can only pray for this.

 

[Samara]

Thank you.

 

[Tina]

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Have you signed the divorce papers ?

We often only hear only one side of the story, but wonder what your husband has to say and why he left you. Since your husband does not believe in God anymore, the Bible says that if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, and you are not under bondage in such case, for God has called us to peace. Looks like you can re-marry in this case.


1 Corinthians 7:12-15
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

 

[Samara]

Thank you I found that verse last night. My husband suffers from mental illness, just over a year ago he was suicidal and i begged him to go see the Doctor. Soon after that he went on medication, decided he no longer believed in God, and then not long after that he left me. The reasons he gave me were that he couldn't handle the responsibility of a relationship anymore.

There has been no infidelity, we still love one another and we have remained close during this time. Everyone who knows us is absolutely stunned. I never thought I would be in the position that I am in, but unfortunately I am. I don't understand how he can walk away when he loves me, but my counsellor has said that you can not reason with some one that suffers from the illness that he does. So all I have is prayer, and the hope for a miracle. I don't recognise the person that he is today, it is like the person that I have known for the last decade is gone and has been replaced by some one else. I know him though, and I know the person he truly is, and I can only hope that he returns to that before it is too late

 

[Tina]

.
Sounds like a spiritual attack. Suicidal thoughts are from the devil.

The Bible says that we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), and we are to take our thoughts captive to the obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Pray for healing of his body, mind, soul and spirit and take his thoughts captive to the obedience to Christ .... I will pray with you.

God bless.

 

[jasoncran]

.
Sounds like a spiritual attack. Suicidal thoughts are from the devil.

The Bible says that we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), and we are to take our thoughts captive to the obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Pray for healing of his body, mind, soul and spirit and take his thoughts captive to the obedience to Christ .... I will pray with you.

God bless.

not always the case, my wife is type 2 bipolar, and has those from time to time.

 

[destiny]

Jason, no matter what medical science teaches.. the devil still manipulates the mind and emotions causing those imbalances. Knowing how the devil operates and Jesus' authority has kept me out of the medical system for years.

 

[Samara]

I definitely think that part of the issue is spiritual for him. I love him to bits, and he is a good guy, even through all of this. He has been physically ill for a few years now, and I think it has made him vulnerable. We are all vulnerable in different ways. I am definitely not a demon chaser, as in, I don't see the enemy's work in everything... but I do think that rather than seeking God out for help, even whilst on medication, my husband has allowed himself to get to a point where he was able to be manipulated by the enemy.

I say this because where he is at now, is COMPLETELY different to where he was before all of this happened. He was one of the strongest and most loving Christians I had ever met. God even used him to reach out to me a long time ago. He is an academic, and scientifically he was very well read on Creation Science and was quite good at ministering to others that were scientifically minded. So, i just don't understand how he can go from that, to where he is now.

I don't just grieve for my marriage, and all of our lost hopes and dreams, but i grieve for him. I definitely think there is a spiritual element to where he is at right now. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. We could really use them right now.

 

[jasoncran]

Jason, no matter what medical science teaches.. the devil still manipulates the mind and emotions causing those imbalances. Knowing how the devil operates and Jesus' authority has kept me out of the medical system for years.

then you may see my wife off her meds and not able to sleep and so on, nor able to think in her right mind
when on her meds she is far better, so you tell me

i know that they are those that dont need meds. my wife cant concetrate to keep a job. that is why she isnt able to work. theres far more to bi-polar then darn mood swings. hypersexuality, and also loss of memory, insomonia and also heart attacks, and ocd.

yes the lord can deliver, i know one who has been slowly.even she says that one should take meds till you know that one is healed.

those same drugs you say are evil are used for epilitics, without wich they may die.

my dad is epilitic and takes the same meds at times as my wife, and he has a totaly different effect.he cant function without his.

take time and reasearch these meds when you have a chance.

some are already in a plant or or are an element on the periodic table of charts.

lithium, phenybarbtyl, and all the related meds to that family.(klonopin,welbutrin, and also dilatin, depakote,seroquil)


btw a physcologist doenst diagnose the bp disease.a physcharist does.

this disease is brain-chemical imbalence.

 

[jasoncran]

do i believe that all are like this, no.
are some misdiagnosed, yes.
my bro had paranoid shizophrenia.
i asked him how he was delivered. he said he stop being angry. that is true as people can go mad from being bitter.

does my wife have some issues in the spiritual area , yes.

tell you what i will start a thread on this so that we can learn on this.

 

[charmony]

Hi Samara,
I am sorry to hear of your pain and grief, especially since it comes as a shock to you that he would "change" so much. Firstly, there are many Christians that go through the motions and appear to know God. They may have grown up in such an environment and just conformed to the "behaviour" of a Christian, but not really know him that deeply. As a pastor once said to me, there are Christians that know OF Jesus, but don't know him in their hearts.

Also, as for the reason he left you when he appears to still love you, well, perhaps he loved you so much that he did not want to hurt you by letting you down in the relationship.

I know this is a difficult time for you. I would suggest at such times, to throw yourself more into the word of God. Stay focused on Jesus's love and you will never be alone. Volunteer and involve yourself in helping others. This will take the focus of your life and help you to move forward - instead of dwelling on the past and the hurt and pain.

I know of one woman at church who had a similar experience. Her husband decided not to follow God anymore and they made a difficult decision to split. She devoted herself to God and as a result, you can see the absolute joy in her spirit that can only come from somewhere who knows Jesus deep in their hearts.

Please don't despair, we often can't see the path ahead. Perhaps Gods is telling you this was not the right person for you and that you will meet that special someone down the track. Also, there is nothing bad about staying single. If you have been reading Corinthians 1, you may have read this as well (7:8) "Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried..."

Single people can devote their energy and time on God and doing wonderful things in the community. As a result they often have the most fulfilling lives because they can impact more people. When you are married, you spend alot of time and energy on the relationship rather than on God.

 

[Samara]

Thanks for your words of encouragement charmony. I unfortunately am not one of those people capable of being single and remaining unmarried. I crave companionship and I desire to have children quite strongly.

He still needs prayer, but I am stepping back now. I found out he has had a couple of casual sex encounters within the last month. Three to be exact. He confessed today, stating they were just physical and meant nothing.. as if that were supposed to help.

I was really hurt and angry when I first heard. Now I am at peace actually. I still care about him, i love him.. but I don't want that for my life. He is ill and needs prayer, and I grieve for him. I can only hope and pray that one day he will come around and that he will find God and welcome Him back into his life once more.

 

[jasoncran]

Thanks for your words of encouragement charmony. I unfortunately am not one of those people capable of being single and remaining unmarried. I crave companionship and I desire to have children quite strongly.

He still needs prayer, but I am stepping back now. I found out he has had a couple of casual sex encounters within the last month. Three to be exact. He confessed today, stating they were just physical and meant nothing.. as if that were supposed to help.

I was really hurt and angry when I first heard. Now I am at peace actually. I still care about him, i love him.. but I don't want that for my life. He is ill and needs prayer, and I grieve for him. I can only hope and pray that one day he will come around and that he will find God and welcome Him back into his life once more.

take this story for what is worth as you only know me here. yrs ago(14) a woman at my church went through much of what are going through. her husband left her to live with a woman and be a dad to her kids, yet left his own. in short she wanted to leave him, and every time she wanted the lord told via words of knowledge and also in prayer that he would bring him back. several yrs later that came to pass.


i hope this is some comfort to you.

 

[created4success]

.
Have you signed the divorce papers ?

1 Corinthians 7:12-15
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

I don't think any of us here to pretend to know God's will for you in this challenging situation. While I would encourage you to work it out, I have to be honest: I had never considered this Scripture with respect to divorce and an unbelieving husband. My inkling is that when you two entered into marriage, you entered into a marital covenant that can only be Biblically dissolved if one spouse dies or if there is infidelity.

Ultimately, that has to be a decision that you make after reading the Word, seeking God, and after having the direction you're contemplating taken up with wise counsel.

 

[Guest]

.
Have you signed the divorce papers ?

We often only hear only one side of the story, but wonder what your husband has to say and why he left you. Since your husband does not believe in God anymore, the Bible says that if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, and you are not under bondage in such case, for God has called us to peace. Looks like you can re-marry in this case.


1 Corinthians 7:12-15
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

Very good passage.

Paul shows us that we cannot control the unbelieving spouse here. While two believers are commanded to remain unmarried or reconciled by the Lord, Paul tells us very plainly that he had no command from the Lord in this situation where the unbeliever abandoned the marriage, thus the command to remain unmarried or reconcile cannot be applied to this particular scenario.

READERS SEE >>> "Remain Unmarried or reconcile†vs "not in bondage"

When we as believers are abandoned by the unbeliever, there is no commandment for us to remain unmarried as there is in the former case where two Christians may have walked out of their marriage without just cause.

The Context of this chapter shows us that Paul is responding to questions asked of him by the Corinthians, so his answers are logically responses TO those questions.
One of them seems to have been asking if the believer can walk out of the marriage just because they ARE christian and their spouse isnt.
They seemed to believe that they were being 'defiled' in some way by being with the unbeliever.
In this chapter Paul is setting their minds at ease and trying to show them that *IF* their marriage to the unbeliever is 'pleased' (the word means mutually, see >>>> HERE) then they are to remain in that marriage and that they may even be used to bring their spouse to repentance.

In no way is this chapter meant to cover every other possible scenario.
In verse 7:1 Pauls shows clearly that he is answering specific questions asked of him and we have to keep that in mind as we read. Rarely is anything given in a vacuum in the NT. There is almost always a specific issue being dealt with and its very crucial to understand that issue so that can fully comprehend the response

 

[created4success]

Thanks for the insights, WT & Tina. I was trying to find that Scripture earlier regarding divorce in marriage and the unbeliever, so grazie!

And I appreciated the discussion in the other forum on the article, "Remain Unmarried or reconcile†vs "not in bondage," a challenging analysis and discussion.