Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,425
- 10,918
People around here are acting up again. I don't know what the deal is...I was: wretched, unrepentant (first and foremost) and also: sickly, ugly, stupid, despised, living in poverty, stunted, prematurely aged.
Now, I've been forgiven (first and foremost), and also set free from the weight of my sins. I'm not ugly, stupid, living in poverty, stunted, or prematurely aged. I am however...despised.
I pray for my enemies, I do. My heart is softening towards people. I mean, this kinda thing happens. Shrinks "made an example" out of me. Basically, I can't expect people who have been tormenting me, talking about me, judging me, etc. to suddenly be all "Oh, you're a Christian? You're healthy and intelligent? I'll leave you alone!" I mean, doesn't work that way.
There's also the issue of my brain, or...well, my lack of brain cells. I know this sounds weird, but...think about it: 2 rounds of heavy, involuntary electroshock, before age 25. Mixing high dose Rx amphetamines w/ high dose Rx downers (that's "goof balling" for you 60s kids out there). Sleeping pills. Pain killers. A blow to the head during a botched mugging (WHY the dudes were carrying a pipe I just don't know...).
So, its like this...I don't think I have very many brain cells. I was stupid. I was obviously brain damaged. Now, I"m not a super genius, but I do well at LIberty, I write well, I can engage in the world around me, and...
...I remember getting all these brain scans at 23. One because a doc finally thought I might have neurological problems, one because I got bashed on the head, another one before and after the electroshock and whatever else happened at the mental hospital, and...
...I'm apparently supposed to be a vegetable, or at least, that's what a nurse at the hospital told me. Back then, I had maybe a 95 IQ, which beats being a vegetable, but...
...it raises questions, like: what keeps me going? Do I need a brain? If I'm smart now, and I wasn't then, do I have new brain cells? I mean, I'm smart like I was before the "poor life choices" and everything...its strange. And I have learned and am still learning to actually apply myself, which is huge. So, I've heard that apparently my intelligence "returned to me," which is odd...like, where'd it go? How'd it "return to me" ? I mean, I'm glad I'm smart enough to do what I wanna do, but...weird, huh?
I've prayed for a brain. I know, sounds...strange...but I've prayed for it. I still do, sometimes. Lots of people have brain damage...does The Lord give some of us new brain cells? Is being smart despite having severe brain damage...I dunno...is it sort of a message, a lesson, not just for me, but for the medical pros and the community that despise(d) me? And..tortured me, also.
So, yeah. Those are my prayer requests for tonight.
Now, I've been forgiven (first and foremost), and also set free from the weight of my sins. I'm not ugly, stupid, living in poverty, stunted, or prematurely aged. I am however...despised.
I pray for my enemies, I do. My heart is softening towards people. I mean, this kinda thing happens. Shrinks "made an example" out of me. Basically, I can't expect people who have been tormenting me, talking about me, judging me, etc. to suddenly be all "Oh, you're a Christian? You're healthy and intelligent? I'll leave you alone!" I mean, doesn't work that way.
There's also the issue of my brain, or...well, my lack of brain cells. I know this sounds weird, but...think about it: 2 rounds of heavy, involuntary electroshock, before age 25. Mixing high dose Rx amphetamines w/ high dose Rx downers (that's "goof balling" for you 60s kids out there). Sleeping pills. Pain killers. A blow to the head during a botched mugging (WHY the dudes were carrying a pipe I just don't know...).
So, its like this...I don't think I have very many brain cells. I was stupid. I was obviously brain damaged. Now, I"m not a super genius, but I do well at LIberty, I write well, I can engage in the world around me, and...
...I remember getting all these brain scans at 23. One because a doc finally thought I might have neurological problems, one because I got bashed on the head, another one before and after the electroshock and whatever else happened at the mental hospital, and...
...I'm apparently supposed to be a vegetable, or at least, that's what a nurse at the hospital told me. Back then, I had maybe a 95 IQ, which beats being a vegetable, but...
...it raises questions, like: what keeps me going? Do I need a brain? If I'm smart now, and I wasn't then, do I have new brain cells? I mean, I'm smart like I was before the "poor life choices" and everything...its strange. And I have learned and am still learning to actually apply myself, which is huge. So, I've heard that apparently my intelligence "returned to me," which is odd...like, where'd it go? How'd it "return to me" ? I mean, I'm glad I'm smart enough to do what I wanna do, but...weird, huh?
I've prayed for a brain. I know, sounds...strange...but I've prayed for it. I still do, sometimes. Lots of people have brain damage...does The Lord give some of us new brain cells? Is being smart despite having severe brain damage...I dunno...is it sort of a message, a lesson, not just for me, but for the medical pros and the community that despise(d) me? And..tortured me, also.
So, yeah. Those are my prayer requests for tonight.
