TheUnworthyServant
Member
For you to understand certain aspects of my life, I must start early. My life began in 1963 in the suburbs of Detroit. At three months of age I was involved in a car accident that left my entire left side mostly paralyzed due to a head injury. The first ten or so years of my life were filled with surgeries, doctor visits and leg braces. Back then, technology was not what it is now so things didn't turn out the greatest for me. However looking back on it now, I was very lucky. I can still walk, talk and have all my mental capacity. ( Some may disagree with that last part. LOL )
My physical problems were hard to deal with but the mental aspects were ten times worse. Having a disability is tough enough as an adult but growing up with one from infancy is ridiculous. I became extremely rebellious and hated everything about life, I felt like I had been cheated. Suicidal thoughts came very early in my life. I smoked my first joint when I was eleven and by the time I dropped out of high school in 1981, I had probably tried every drug known to man at that time. All this was done in an effort to " fit in " but it never worked. Also as a side note, my folks split when I was fourteen. This just added to my frustration.
I also managed to get in trouble with the law, breaking into peoples homes and businesses, shoplifting etc. When I was twenty-one, I was caught breaking into a party store of all things but luckily my dad bailed me out and I only received two years probation. This was a wake up call for me and I never did anything like that again. My dad suggested that I move in with him to get me away from the people and the life style I was involved in. Unfortunately this didn't work, because my dad was managing a bar and I got a job working there. This only helped to fuel my drinking and drug use. I am not proud of any of this but it does not change that fact that I did it.
During this short stay at my dads, I had a really bad stretch of personal struggles and came within a trigger pull of ending it all with a twelve gauge. I believe the only thing that stopped me was seeing a picture of my family on my nightstand and thinking of the pain I would cause.
In 1988 I landed a job in a metal tube fabrication shop that I had for twelve years. During this time, I acquired a nice place to live, a nice ride, money in the bank, girlfriends etc. You would think that I would be happy but I wasn't. I just felt like something was missing but I had no idea what it was.
In 1996 a young man came to work with us. It was this young man that first truly witnessed to me about Jesus Christ. I must be honest and say that I was not very receptive to the gospel of Jesus Christ. In fact it made very angry and I told him that if God did exist, I wanted nothing to do with Him because I felt like I hadn't gotten any breaks in life. Of course I was just feeling sorry for myself.
But he did what he was supposed to do, he planted the seed of the gospel. As a Christian, this is what we are called to do. We plant, others may water, but only God can make it grow. And that is what He did. For the next several years I found myself wondering if what this young man had told me was true. I picked up a Bible and tried to read it but it didn't make much sense to me. Scripture explains why.
1 Corinthians 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him. Neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
In May of 2000, my brother offered me a position working in his new construction company. I took the offer as I was tired of working where I was. I felt that I should had been making more cash for the responsibilities I was handling. At the time, I didn't realize that God had His hand in my decision. I say this because He knew I was seeking Him but in my current position, doing the things I was doing with the company I was keeping, I was not going to give in to what I was feeling. So I believe he relocated me to the Appalachian mountains of east Tennessee.
I no sooner arrived in Tennessee when I started noticing churches everywhere. And that's saying something because I was in a very rural area. A friend of my brothers ( we are now good friends ) started inviting me to church. In November I finally gave in and attended a rival service at this mans church. I sat there for four hours and did not give into what I was feeling. ( I am a very stubborn individual ) And it wasn't until I was driving home around 1:30 in the morning that I finally broke down and called out to God for forgiveness and He answered. Almost immediately God took away my suicidal tendencies, the drugs, the drinking and my fornication.
I spent the next six months attending my friends church ( which I became a member of ) before moving back to the Detroit area. I spent the next six years bouncing from church to church because I just never felt comfortable in any of them. But God was always there reminding me that He is watching over me and keeping me safe. Yes it's true, I have made ( and continue to make ) mistakes.
Why? This life was not meant to be the place of our perfection, but the preparation for it.
In 2007 I moved back to Tennessee in the hopes of finding work and to go back to my first church. This worked for a little while but there is just no work anywhere right now and I am now living in Florida helping my dad and my step-mom and going back to school. This will be interesting after all these years.
I realize that you were probably expecting something more dramatic but not everyone becomes an Apostle Paul after accepting Gods free gift of salvation. Just because someone becomes saved by Gods grace, it does not mean that that person is not going to sin or will not struggle with certain areas of their life. Never let any one ever tell you that you will never stumble in your walk with Jesus Christ. Life is hard and there is every indication that things are going to get much harder. I now know that what that young man told me years ago was true.
Jesus said in: Matthew 11:29-30 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
I will not tell you it's been easy, in fact, it's often been very hard and I have fallen short many times. But I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!! He has never given up on me and I know He never will.
He is worthy of all that I am.
My physical problems were hard to deal with but the mental aspects were ten times worse. Having a disability is tough enough as an adult but growing up with one from infancy is ridiculous. I became extremely rebellious and hated everything about life, I felt like I had been cheated. Suicidal thoughts came very early in my life. I smoked my first joint when I was eleven and by the time I dropped out of high school in 1981, I had probably tried every drug known to man at that time. All this was done in an effort to " fit in " but it never worked. Also as a side note, my folks split when I was fourteen. This just added to my frustration.
I also managed to get in trouble with the law, breaking into peoples homes and businesses, shoplifting etc. When I was twenty-one, I was caught breaking into a party store of all things but luckily my dad bailed me out and I only received two years probation. This was a wake up call for me and I never did anything like that again. My dad suggested that I move in with him to get me away from the people and the life style I was involved in. Unfortunately this didn't work, because my dad was managing a bar and I got a job working there. This only helped to fuel my drinking and drug use. I am not proud of any of this but it does not change that fact that I did it.
During this short stay at my dads, I had a really bad stretch of personal struggles and came within a trigger pull of ending it all with a twelve gauge. I believe the only thing that stopped me was seeing a picture of my family on my nightstand and thinking of the pain I would cause.
In 1988 I landed a job in a metal tube fabrication shop that I had for twelve years. During this time, I acquired a nice place to live, a nice ride, money in the bank, girlfriends etc. You would think that I would be happy but I wasn't. I just felt like something was missing but I had no idea what it was.
In 1996 a young man came to work with us. It was this young man that first truly witnessed to me about Jesus Christ. I must be honest and say that I was not very receptive to the gospel of Jesus Christ. In fact it made very angry and I told him that if God did exist, I wanted nothing to do with Him because I felt like I hadn't gotten any breaks in life. Of course I was just feeling sorry for myself.
But he did what he was supposed to do, he planted the seed of the gospel. As a Christian, this is what we are called to do. We plant, others may water, but only God can make it grow. And that is what He did. For the next several years I found myself wondering if what this young man had told me was true. I picked up a Bible and tried to read it but it didn't make much sense to me. Scripture explains why.
1 Corinthians 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him. Neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
In May of 2000, my brother offered me a position working in his new construction company. I took the offer as I was tired of working where I was. I felt that I should had been making more cash for the responsibilities I was handling. At the time, I didn't realize that God had His hand in my decision. I say this because He knew I was seeking Him but in my current position, doing the things I was doing with the company I was keeping, I was not going to give in to what I was feeling. So I believe he relocated me to the Appalachian mountains of east Tennessee.
I no sooner arrived in Tennessee when I started noticing churches everywhere. And that's saying something because I was in a very rural area. A friend of my brothers ( we are now good friends ) started inviting me to church. In November I finally gave in and attended a rival service at this mans church. I sat there for four hours and did not give into what I was feeling. ( I am a very stubborn individual ) And it wasn't until I was driving home around 1:30 in the morning that I finally broke down and called out to God for forgiveness and He answered. Almost immediately God took away my suicidal tendencies, the drugs, the drinking and my fornication.
I spent the next six months attending my friends church ( which I became a member of ) before moving back to the Detroit area. I spent the next six years bouncing from church to church because I just never felt comfortable in any of them. But God was always there reminding me that He is watching over me and keeping me safe. Yes it's true, I have made ( and continue to make ) mistakes.
Why? This life was not meant to be the place of our perfection, but the preparation for it.
In 2007 I moved back to Tennessee in the hopes of finding work and to go back to my first church. This worked for a little while but there is just no work anywhere right now and I am now living in Florida helping my dad and my step-mom and going back to school. This will be interesting after all these years.
I realize that you were probably expecting something more dramatic but not everyone becomes an Apostle Paul after accepting Gods free gift of salvation. Just because someone becomes saved by Gods grace, it does not mean that that person is not going to sin or will not struggle with certain areas of their life. Never let any one ever tell you that you will never stumble in your walk with Jesus Christ. Life is hard and there is every indication that things are going to get much harder. I now know that what that young man told me years ago was true.
Jesus said in: Matthew 11:29-30 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
I will not tell you it's been easy, in fact, it's often been very hard and I have fallen short many times. But I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!! He has never given up on me and I know He never will.
He is worthy of all that I am.