This is my first post to a Christian forum or any forum for that matter so please excuse my grammar I will do the best I can to explain this. I am a 51 year old male married for almost 24 years with three children ages 23,16,and 12 Middle class family. We as a family have been under attack from the enemy for several years.There are several issues hurting me right now but I would like to talk about the most pressing. Ever since birth my daughter has been a challenge she is almost 17 now and I am very concerned about her. When she was about three years old she would cry and scream that she saw people and heard voices in our house she would describe to me what some of these people looked like while she was shaking and frightened in such detail that it would give me goosebumps. In grade school she was diagnosed with ADHD we did not want to give her Medicene but finally did and it did not work. In grade school she was defiant and made comments to adults. In Jr high I started noticing her learning disability was if she liked a teacher she got a good grade and if she didn't like a teacher she got an F. Through all these years my wife and I prayed for her raised her to believe in God and brought her to church. We put her in therapy on my medical insurance and even went to multi family sessions with teens and adults. As a dad I was and am frustrated and when I thought it could'nt get any worse it did. In her first year of high school she was being defiant about going to tutoring and when the discussion got heated she grabbed a knife and tried to kill herself when I tried to get the knife she almost stabbed me. We called the police I had to bring her to the ER for a phsycological evaluation. Sorry if this is too long I just can't get it out. For almost the whole year of 2015 she was in and out of hospitals and treatment centers for an eating disorder restricting and purging she almost died two times because she got down to 90 lbs she is 5'6 she got released from treatment and relapsed three times she was an extreme case my medical insurance spent hundreds of thousands in her care my wife, youngest son and I had to go to countless family therapy sessions multi family sessions Saturday sessions etc. etc. for her treatment. My medical insurance even got the state involved and had a social worker check our house interview us and my younger son like it was our fault. I am a hard working man don't have a college degree but am blessed with a good job that allows my wife to work part time we have a clean house in a good neighborhood our bedroom door is always open if our children need to talk about anything or pray my older and younger son almost straight A students I don't understand why my daughter is like this.She has been home almost a year now maintaining her normal weight thank God! She still does not eat right and says she is a vegetarian but her weight is ok. She is still in regular therapy and is making some changes but does not want to go to church I was told I cannot force her to go. I just don't know what to do she has tried to kill herself by overdosing on pills now she has started smoking weed we caught her last week. I don't give her money i think she sells things in school to get money we lock up our wallets and credit cards because she has stolen money and used my credit card online. Back when I was young I think good parenting was if you gave your kid a good enough proper butt whipping. I did the best I could explaining what I am up against with our daughter my question is this I believe all things are possible in God I believe In the power of prayer I am to the point where I only want to pray for my daughter so is praying good parenting? If I pray for my daughter when I know she is smoking weed in her room but don't knock on her door and say anything is that wrong? She is almost 17 I always talk to her and she says she understands but goes back to the same thing. I know my wife tries and it is hard on her but I have been stressed out for years about my daughter especially when she almost died. I am here for her but she has to come to me I am physically and mentally drained I can't take it anymore. So now I just want to put it in Gods hands he is in control.Tonight I smelled weed coming from her room I knocked two times she would not answer. She came out about an hour later came in my room and put her head down she denied smoking weed but I smelled it on her so I just put my hands on her head and started praying for her and our family and did not say anything about the weed anymore is this good parenting and right with God.? I am new to forums so if I did not do it right I am sorry and I won't post anything anymore.
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Need parenting advice
- Thread starter Berryman
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Dear Brother Berryman, welcome to our Christian fellowship. Your first post here was excellent and kept me glued to your need. As to an individual remedy I have no clue, but I certainly don't believe you are neglect in your parenting. I do know from experience that prayer is the key to success in the cure for your daughter, though I would advise for you to not be surprised in the route God takes her.
I might pray that my daughter goes off smoking weed, and God allows her to smoke so much of it she becomes violently ill. The money she may steal from others, and/or selling drugs gets her locked up, and worse in our eyes God may issue the ultimate healing by taking her home; that is the judgment that fell upon my son. I will say that with your trust in the salvation provided by our Lord the peace you seek will also be provided against all accusations of our accuser Satan.
Dear Father, I do pray for this situation that seemingly is without hope in the natural, but You are able to move our faith to obtain that which we cannot do of our own as You draw our entire purpose in trusting Your will to be done. Thank You Father for bringing this dear family to us, work in their lives as only You can, and I give You the praise for it in Jesus' name. Amen.
God bless you and your family in this trial of your faith in Jesus' name.
Dear Brother Berryman, welcome to our Christian fellowship. Your first post here was excellent and kept me glued to your need. As to an individual remedy I have no clue, but I certainly don't believe you are neglect in your parenting. I do know from experience that prayer is the key to success in the cure for your daughter, though I would advise for you to not be surprised in the route God takes her.
I might pray that my daughter goes off smoking weed, and God allows her to smoke so much of it she becomes violently ill. The money she may steal from others, and/or selling drugs gets her locked up, and worse in our eyes God may issue the ultimate healing by taking her home; that is the judgment that fell upon my son. I will say that with your trust in the salvation provided by our Lord the peace you seek will also be provided against all accusations of our accuser Satan.
Dear Father, I do pray for this situation that seemingly is without hope in the natural, but You are able to move our faith to obtain that which we cannot do of our own as You draw our entire purpose in trusting Your will to be done. Thank You Father for bringing this dear family to us, work in their lives as only You can, and I give You the praise for it in Jesus' name. Amen.
God bless you and your family in this trial of your faith in Jesus' name.
JohnDB
Member
Hey. Welcome.
For a first post you did just fine.
So....you got one daughter who is acting up. Two boys that are fairly well behaved which are her older brothers.
I got nothing.
But prayers.
Your suspicion that something is wrong with her is correct. What exactly that is has yet to reveal itself. She possibly could be bipolar or have some other mental illness. But you'd think that the doctors would have picked up on that by now.
Chances are really high that she is smart... really smart.
The suicide attempt, imaginary friends and the bolemia speak to wanting attention. That somehow she feels like she isn't getting enough.
I can't say that I blame you for wanting some space away from her as she brings a lot of trouble into an otherwise peaceful family home. But resisting that urge by both you and your wife is going to be important. And make sure that she knows that you and your wife love her for her...and the good things that she does bring to the family.
Daddy-daughter dates, Mommy-daughter shopping/spa treatments on a regular basis can help.
Being part of a church family can help too...just watch out for the religious nuts. I'm a part of a Sunday School class that is as tight knit as they come.
We can, have, and will fuss at anyone in our group that doesn't behave appropriately. We help each other with husband/wife relationships and child rearing. Because we actually care about each other. We sometimes can see problems that a person can't see themselves or know how to solve. So usually the offending party is usually told in a kind and loving way how to solve the problem. (And it gets firmer after that....heaven knows what would happen if someone was having a taudry affair)
But that's just it....it's a family. Where even the kids provide moral support and encouragement for each other too.
At age 13 most kids believe that they are smarter than their parents; by age 17 they are pretty sure they are smarter; by age 21 they know beyond all shadow of a doubt; and by age 35 mom and dad become genius again.
So...
What do you think?
For a first post you did just fine.
So....you got one daughter who is acting up. Two boys that are fairly well behaved which are her older brothers.
I got nothing.
But prayers.
Your suspicion that something is wrong with her is correct. What exactly that is has yet to reveal itself. She possibly could be bipolar or have some other mental illness. But you'd think that the doctors would have picked up on that by now.
Chances are really high that she is smart... really smart.
The suicide attempt, imaginary friends and the bolemia speak to wanting attention. That somehow she feels like she isn't getting enough.
I can't say that I blame you for wanting some space away from her as she brings a lot of trouble into an otherwise peaceful family home. But resisting that urge by both you and your wife is going to be important. And make sure that she knows that you and your wife love her for her...and the good things that she does bring to the family.
Daddy-daughter dates, Mommy-daughter shopping/spa treatments on a regular basis can help.
Being part of a church family can help too...just watch out for the religious nuts. I'm a part of a Sunday School class that is as tight knit as they come.
We can, have, and will fuss at anyone in our group that doesn't behave appropriately. We help each other with husband/wife relationships and child rearing. Because we actually care about each other. We sometimes can see problems that a person can't see themselves or know how to solve. So usually the offending party is usually told in a kind and loving way how to solve the problem. (And it gets firmer after that....heaven knows what would happen if someone was having a taudry affair)
But that's just it....it's a family. Where even the kids provide moral support and encouragement for each other too.
At age 13 most kids believe that they are smarter than their parents; by age 17 they are pretty sure they are smarter; by age 21 they know beyond all shadow of a doubt; and by age 35 mom and dad become genius again.
So...
What do you think?
Thank you for your warm welcome and prayers I have faith that God has a plan for my daughter and that he will use her someday to glorify his name. I give him all thanks and praise in my storm in The name of Jesus Amen.
Dear Brother Berryman, welcome to our Christian fellowship. Your first post here was excellent and kept me glued to your need. As to an individual remedy I have no clue, but I certainly don't believe you are neglect in your parenting. I do know from experience that prayer is the key to success in the cure for your daughter, though I would advise for you to not be surprised in the route God takes her.
I might pray that my daughter goes off smoking weed, and God allows her to smoke so much of it she becomes violently ill. The money she may steal from others, and/or selling drugs gets her locked up, and worse in our eyes God may issue the ultimate healing by taking her home; that is the judgment that fell upon my son. I will say that with your trust in the salvation provided by our Lord the peace you seek will also be provided against all accusations of our accuser Satan.
Dear Father, I do pray for this situation that seemingly is without hope in the natural, but You are able to move our faith to obtain that which we cannot do of our own as You draw our entire purpose in trusting Your will to be done. Thank You Father for bringing this dear family to us, work in their lives as only You can, and I give You the praise for it in Jesus' name. Amen.
God bless you and your family in this trial of your faith in Jesus' name.
Good morning Brother John thank you for your welcome and prayers. Actually one of her brothers is younger she is the middle child. Yes she loves attention and we both give her so much it probably affects our sons it seems like everything is about her. I get frustrated because I feel I do everything you mentioned. She likes rides and I noticed that is when she will open up and talk the most and I will get her her favorite Thai food. She likes to Pal around with me so I take her with me always. My wife takes her to the malls gets her hair and eyebrows done they shop together and go out to eat etc. My wife and I are always there for her in school showing up for all awards assemblies and performances when she was in choir. I always try to keep her busy and encourage her but she just continues to lie and act out if she does not get her way. I am sad because I feel and have been told by many that I am a good dad my wife overheard two of my oldest sons friends tell my son they wish they had a dad like me but I dont feel the love.I work hard even with a bad back and do it for my family because God Comands the men to be the provider. Sorry if I am rambling I am only human. All of this has been a drain on the family I know my wife is burned out too. In the last three to four years my wife and I have only gone out on our own a couple of times real quick because we can't trust her. If my daughter won't go to church one of us stays with her then my younger son says it's not fair because he wants to stay home to play his game. I don't know why they look at church as a punishment. So this is my life I feel like I am a failure to God because also sometimes I have been slipping in the things of this world I struggle with. Of course my wife and children don't know about this. In one of my daughters parent training therapy classes for her eating disorder they said that when a person stabilizes in treatment and goes home to the same home they can relapse if changes in the home are not made. I feel like if my family is causing me to stumble when I am doing my part and I have to go home to the same problems every day maybe I should get away from my family not for another woman just to be alone. I know God gives me many blessings but I don't see any good anymore. I am tired and burned out of working and being positive and understanding I pray God takes these thoughts away from me but sometimes I just want to be alone.
JohnDB
Member
Hey,
I hear you clearly.
(You'd be surprised how many people don't do the things that you have been doing)
I'm so sorry that this situation has come to you and your family.
It sounds like there is nothing you did or didn't do to cause this. And where the assistance from professionals at times seems like a great idea... sometimes they do more to get in the way than to help. (Been there and done that).
I have no real advice to offer you...
But I can offer you hope.
I have met several kids who were hell to live with who later in life became great people walking the straight and narrow.
You might try sharing Sampson's tale again with her. Sampson (after his first failed relationship from a border town of Philistines) became a faithful Judge for 25 years. 25 long years....and did good.
Then one day he went deep into Philistines territories to hook up with his last girlfriend. The sins of his youth enticed him to his ultimate destruction.
Then maybe take her to a retirement center...and show her how the sins of these people have now become their Master...how they are now ruled completely by their fears and the things they want. (Lusts)
Kinda pathetic when blind old men view child pornography...they can't see a thing on the screen but desperately want to. Or old women lonely for children who despise them.
Brother John thank you for your reply I hope I did not sound negative in any way I would never leave my family to be alone. I have a lot of ups and downs. My wife and I had a long talk we are going to pray every day separate and together for our daughter. We are not going to let this destroy our marriage or our family. I live near Los Angeles Ca I want to take her to skid row to pass out food to the homeless. ( I know there are a lot of girls a little older than her on the streets) I want her to see them and maybe even talk to one. We have talked to her several times about her recent weed binge my wife found evidence in her room this morning. She knows we don't condone it but if she does it behind our backs smoke it outside the house not inside. I have faith that if we continue to pray God will turn her from this but I am not going to fight her anymore. Thank you again
In Jesus name
In Jesus name
Mike
Member
Berryman, as Eugene said, your story was captivating. To a certain degree, we are almost in the exact same stage of life. I've been married to my wife for 25 years, and I'll be 50 in March. We have 3 children ages 20, 18, and 15. And while I haven't been tested to the extent you have, we have had trials with our children. Who hasn't?
I'm happy to hear that it seems you and your wife are not allowing this to cause your marriage trouble. I'm sure it hasn't always been easy, but can you imagine how hard this would be if the two of you were at odds or pointing the finger at each other? God bless your marriage and your family!
I've heard too many stories to count of Godly parents who felt helpless as their children made destructive life decisions. It was not their fault, and it's certainly not yours. It's so easy to think of what you might have missed or done wrong, but our children are increasingly accountable for their own paths. I have to remind myself of this over and over. I never look at the behavior of rebellious children as an reflection of their parents unless there has been neglect or abuse. I see nothing but love in your fathering.
I'm not a professional in the area of parenting or handling strong willed children, and I wish I had better advice for you. I just wanted to tell you that this you can and should put in God's hands. Do not blame yourself. Always ensure that you are mindful of the needs of your wife and yourself. Pray unceasingly for your family, and I promise you, you will be lifted up in my devotions.
I'm happy to hear that it seems you and your wife are not allowing this to cause your marriage trouble. I'm sure it hasn't always been easy, but can you imagine how hard this would be if the two of you were at odds or pointing the finger at each other? God bless your marriage and your family!
I've heard too many stories to count of Godly parents who felt helpless as their children made destructive life decisions. It was not their fault, and it's certainly not yours. It's so easy to think of what you might have missed or done wrong, but our children are increasingly accountable for their own paths. I have to remind myself of this over and over. I never look at the behavior of rebellious children as an reflection of their parents unless there has been neglect or abuse. I see nothing but love in your fathering.
I'm not a professional in the area of parenting or handling strong willed children, and I wish I had better advice for you. I just wanted to tell you that this you can and should put in God's hands. Do not blame yourself. Always ensure that you are mindful of the needs of your wife and yourself. Pray unceasingly for your family, and I promise you, you will be lifted up in my devotions.
Brother Mike thank you so much for your prayers and reply. This is my first post in a forum in my prayers God led me here. I feel more peace reading the replys I have been receiving. I need God more than ever, my wife and I give God 100% control in our lives. I was frustrated for so long because I feel "I" can fix anything one way or another ,now I am seeing that I was wrong. I was not trying to fight God but now I see in a way I was. I trust my God in everything I have faith that he will work a miracle in my family in his time and purpose. No matter how hard it is we will support our daughter in her recovery. I will give thanks and praise in Jesus Name!! Amen
Hi Berryman
Your story has really touched me and I feel that you are really a strong man for all the pain you have endured. It has not caused you to give up, situations like this tend to push you further away from God however this has just brought you closer.
It is only God who can carry us through these battles. I am not a parent and definitely not qualified to give you advice but I have learnt that God would never lead your side even though it becomes unbearable at times.
My life is definitely not where I want to be and I am far from perfect. I spend to much times trying to make sense of it and questioning the why, when and howcome instead of just making peace with the moment and giving it up to God.
Don't ever beat yourself up about this or question yourself, you a great dad! There must be some reason why God gives us these challenges and he would never give it to us if we could not handle it. Try to spend quality time with your daughter.
You are on the right forum, live in faith and hope!
I will keep you in my prayers.
Your story has really touched me and I feel that you are really a strong man for all the pain you have endured. It has not caused you to give up, situations like this tend to push you further away from God however this has just brought you closer.
It is only God who can carry us through these battles. I am not a parent and definitely not qualified to give you advice but I have learnt that God would never lead your side even though it becomes unbearable at times.
My life is definitely not where I want to be and I am far from perfect. I spend to much times trying to make sense of it and questioning the why, when and howcome instead of just making peace with the moment and giving it up to God.
Don't ever beat yourself up about this or question yourself, you a great dad! There must be some reason why God gives us these challenges and he would never give it to us if we could not handle it. Try to spend quality time with your daughter.
You are on the right forum, live in faith and hope!
I will keep you in my prayers.
GodsGrace
CF Ambassador
Hello Berryman,
I have a granddaughter with autism. it's difficult on everyone in the family.
I can tell you that sometimes I feel very desperate myself, but it always passes. It's phases we go through. God will always help us as He has promised to do. I would not go off alone for any reason. What would be the use? When you come back the same problem will still be there.
I believe your daughter is in need of some type of help. It could be counselling, it could be medicine. I'm also going to tell you something that no one else will. I don't believe the school environment is the best atmosphere for all children. I would consider seriously not forcing her to go and to see what happens. Sometimes this could be the whole problem. School was giving my granddaugher a lot of stress and anxiety, so we all decided it would be best to take her out. She has made a marked improvement since she does not have to deal with that part of her life anymore.
Please keep searching for professional help. She is mad at something and you should find out what. I've found that there is a great deal of difference between psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. Look for the right one.
Stay close to God and don't leave your family - even for a few days. You all need each other.
Wondering
I have a granddaughter with autism. it's difficult on everyone in the family.
I can tell you that sometimes I feel very desperate myself, but it always passes. It's phases we go through. God will always help us as He has promised to do. I would not go off alone for any reason. What would be the use? When you come back the same problem will still be there.
I believe your daughter is in need of some type of help. It could be counselling, it could be medicine. I'm also going to tell you something that no one else will. I don't believe the school environment is the best atmosphere for all children. I would consider seriously not forcing her to go and to see what happens. Sometimes this could be the whole problem. School was giving my granddaugher a lot of stress and anxiety, so we all decided it would be best to take her out. She has made a marked improvement since she does not have to deal with that part of her life anymore.
Please keep searching for professional help. She is mad at something and you should find out what. I've found that there is a great deal of difference between psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. Look for the right one.
Stay close to God and don't leave your family - even for a few days. You all need each other.
Wondering
Thank you for your prayers and your feedback I appreciate it. Yes everything that has been going on has been bringing me closer to God. This last two years has been the hardest for my wife and I. My mom has been in a home for dementia patients it cost my dad everything they had so we had to sell their house of fifty years. My dad is in a senior apartment he is independent but I am concerned about his well being. He won't admit it but I know he is having health issues we are stretched so thin I can't help him that much. My Fathers in law is also ILL so my wife took my daughter with her to visit him for a few days during the summer. I am just drained and tired but today I feel peace this morning when I was praying I was thanking God and telling him how much closer I feel to him and you mentioned that in your reply to me it can't be a coincidence!! I know our God hears me!!
God Bless you and your family I will keep you in my prayers as well.
P.S I am far from perfect as well! But I am better than yesterday and not as good as tomorrow if God permits!
In Jesus Name
Thank you for your reply and advice. I would never leave my family to be alone I was stressing when I said that! The enemy preys on me when I am weak. My daughter is in therapy and taking medicine we did not want her to take Medicene but after she was in and out of treatment for a year we approved the Meds. And you are right she is mad but not at something at someone. In 2014 a grown man did something bad to her so she was almost 15 then. My wife and I wanted her on independent study but my daughter wants to go to school. So far two months into the school year she is a B student that's a lot better than last year. On July 20 of this year someone ran over and killed her dog in front of her when she was walking him. She said the guy sped up on purpose she was blaming herself for that. I think that is what triggered the weed smoking. So we just have to stay strong and keep believing, it's been hard but I know God will see us through. One of my best friends told me that my wife and I have gone through more in two years than some people do in a lifetime. I still thank God for all he gives me I know some people have it harder especially if they don't know God.
In Jesus Name