Well that's interesting. I was being recruited by some Satanists before I finally quit my last band. They kept hanging around us, and were trying to turn us on to stuff like Exodus, Merciful Fate and other openly Satanist bands.
If I may, how deep were you into Satanism, and how and why did you leave it?
Blessings.
My first step into Satanism was in 1999, when I was at a Christian Rehabilitation Center, and it was a Sunday, and they were having some sermon, I can't remember what it was about, but I do remember that in my depression and anger, I quietly walked out the back door, one of the counselors knows that I was missing, he came out to me and sat next to me on a picnic table, and tried to encourage me, I didn't want anything of it, and I still remember this to this very day, I said with no emotion, no enthusiasm, no emphasis of any kind, I simply said "there is no god..."
and that very profession, at that time, opened in my heart a door that led to complete and utter darkness, and I thought that saying that, it was welcoming me into a place where I could retreat, and I could hide myself from the rest of the world, from my family, from an alleged God who, at the time, didn't exist in my head...
after that, when I got out of that rehab, I started listening to Korn and Slipknot. Both of these bands had lasting impacts on my view of the world, my view of my family, and the view of myself, because those albums really do not glorify God in any way, they glorify Satan... Jonathan Davis, the vocalist of Korn, has said in the past that he promoted Satanism in his music... from there, I went to darker bands such as Morbid Angel, Burzum, and Dimmu Borgir.
My Satanism was connected to the music that I listened to... the lyrical content and themes that were in those bands, I echoed in my heart and I reflected it in how I lived secretly. I never told my family, I didnt tell my mom or my dad, I didn't tell my sister, and that music just slowly burrowed into my heart, and started to make this rotting hole in me, and that rottenness brought me to a state of suicidal depression, suicidal ideation, and attempted suicides.
The way I came out of it was literally through a miracle... while I was trying to find more black metal bands that I could listen to, I stumbled across Demon Hunter, Antestor, Slechtvalk, and most importantly, Vaakevandring. it was Vaakevandring that really resonated with me, along with other bands, It created a spiritual rift in me, and that spiritual battle got more intense more and more intense, and it came to a fork in the road when, one night in 2004, after three weeks and four failed suicide attempts, I was ready to take a knife and keep going until it stabbed and went through the floor. I cried out to God, something I hadn't done since 5 years, I asked him if you really are there, you need to show me that you exist, and you need to show me that you care, because if you don't, I'm gone. I'm done.
I went to the only thing that I knew, if God really did exist, he would answer through it, I went to a very dusty, very old teen study Bible, I close my eyes, I opened it up to wherever it laid, and still having my eyes closed I brought my finger down onto the page, I read what it said...
My finger was on Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you
do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you
I will uphold you with My Righteous Right Hand"
There are 31,103 verses in the Protestant Bible. The odds for me to have my finger land on that particular verse, a verse I did not know exist, on the first try with my eyes closed, is mathematically impossible... I knew that. I didn't know how many verses were in the Bible, but I knew beyond of a shadow of a doubt that there was no way that what just happened was simple coincidence.
That is what convinced me that there truly is a God, that He loves me, that He died for me, and that He rose again from the dead, and now sits at the Right Hand of the Father on the throne
