[__ Prayer __] not a member of this comunity

[Christ_empowered]

sort of...an understatement, but...yeah.

I"m labeled with 'severe mental illness.' Not the worst thing ever, in my situation...my parents are -incredibly- good to me and The Lord has made a way for me to live a decent, modest lifestyle. and yet...

ugh. i was driving home today, and i overheard someone yelling, about me, probably. people do that..."where the - is he working?" that kinda thing. and that's the thing...

i cannot work. it isn't -just- 'symptoms' or what have you, its stigma, its being labeled in large part because of the psych 'treatment,' its...its...

my situation. lol. so, there ya go. im no longer living -at home- which is a huge blessing for my parents and for me. im not longer living in my small, southern hometown...where, honestly, i don't think i ever was a 'member of the community,' either...just some weird kid who apparently was supposed to be put in special ed in elementary school (talked too much) then juvenile detention in middle school (same thing, apparently), and people tried to have my expelled from hs (good sat scores, graduated 1 year early).

truth? i was on outlier, a non-entity even -before- psychiatric mumbo jumbo, drugging, and the lobotomy. ugh. now? now, I"m thankful no one has beat me up or damaged my place, my vehicle, etc. seriously.

not that I'm a 'victim of society,' etc. this isn't a pity party. i think its the gradual onset of a deeper realization that I simply did not matter, in the world, even before my ill fated attempt at college in my late teens, even before psych 'treatment,' even before...

on and on. maybe it was some variation of the school to prison pipeline, complicated by homophobia and my parents' upward mobility. doesn't really matter now, does it? The Lord saw fit to spare me, bring me to Jesus, and now...

i dunno. its...stressful, I guess. to know that at 36, im not a member of this community, people -still- openly talk about me not working, 'where's the money coming from?' and yell out lies and misinformation...

meanwhile, I can't move, I live a decent lifestyle, my parents are -not- rich but they've been blessed with I guess 'well to do' status, and then...

-conflict- church seems off limits. churches are outgrowths of communities, and im a pariah in this community. i even got heckled at wal mart the other day, and...yeah. i don't get it.

-stressful- i did read that being a Christian means sometimes, there are things to be endured...isolation, loneliness, some persecution (some places, for some people, worse than others, obviously) and....

ugh. when people openly talk about "felonies" (I don't have any) and how "he needs to be in the state hospital" (I don't, only by God's grace) and "weren't they supposed to get his people fired from ()?!?!?" (they're retired, dad's still doing part time), and...and...

i dunno. maybe this is just...life, for the foreseeable future? at any rate, I ask that pray for my parents and for me. i want my parents to make some quality friends, for once. growing up, their friends failed them...happens, i guess, with the whole upwardly mobile deal going on.

ok. thanks, as always.

 

[Couppy]

Praying.

 

[Truthfrees]

praying

 

[Rose<3]

I'm praying for you, too!

 

[JLB]

sort of...an understatement, but...yeah.

I"m labeled with 'severe mental illness.' Not the worst thing ever, in my situation...my parents are -incredibly- good to me and The Lord has made a way for me to live a decent, modest lifestyle. and yet...

ugh. i was driving home today, and i overheard someone yelling, about me, probably. people do that..."where the - is he working?" that kinda thing. and that's the thing...

i cannot work. it isn't -just- 'symptoms' or what have you, its stigma, its being labeled in large part because of the psych 'treatment,' its...its...

my situation. lol. so, there ya go. im no longer living -at home- which is a huge blessing for my parents and for me. im not longer living in my small, southern hometown...where, honestly, i don't think i ever was a 'member of the community,' either...just some weird kid who apparently was supposed to be put in special ed in elementary school (talked too much) then juvenile detention in middle school (same thing, apparently), and people tried to have my expelled from hs (good sat scores, graduated 1 year early).

truth? i was on outlier, a non-entity even -before- psychiatric mumbo jumbo, drugging, and the lobotomy. ugh. now? now, I"m thankful no one has beat me up or damaged my place, my vehicle, etc. seriously.

not that I'm a 'victim of society,' etc. this isn't a pity party. i think its the gradual onset of a deeper realization that I simply did not matter, in the world, even before my ill fated attempt at college in my late teens, even before psych 'treatment,' even before...

on and on. maybe it was some variation of the school to prison pipeline, complicated by homophobia and my parents' upward mobility. doesn't really matter now, does it? The Lord saw fit to spare me, bring me to Jesus, and now...

i dunno. its...stressful, I guess. to know that at 36, im not a member of this community, people -still- openly talk about me not working, 'where's the money coming from?' and yell out lies and misinformation...

meanwhile, I can't move, I live a decent lifestyle, my parents are -not- rich but they've been blessed with I guess 'well to do' status, and then...

-conflict- church seems off limits. churches are outgrowths of communities, and im a pariah in this community. i even got heckled at wal mart the other day, and...yeah. i don't get it.

-stressful- i did read that being a Christian means sometimes, there are things to be endured...isolation, loneliness, some persecution (some places, for some people, worse than others, obviously) and....

ugh. when people openly talk about "felonies" (I don't have any) and how "he needs to be in the state hospital" (I don't, only by God's grace) and "weren't they supposed to get his people fired from ()?!?!?" (they're retired, dad's still doing part time), and...and...

i dunno. maybe this is just...life, for the foreseeable future? at any rate, I ask that pray for my parents and for me. i want my parents to make some quality friends, for once. growing up, their friends failed them...happens, i guess, with the whole upwardly mobile deal going on.

ok. thanks, as always.

Well, you are definitely a member of this community!



JLB

 

[Christ_empowered]

thank you, JLB .

truth? I have more than I can ever claim to somehow 'deserve,' its just the taunting and such...un-fun. :-(

 

[JLB]

thank you, JLB .

truth? I have more than I can ever claim to somehow 'deserve,' its just the taunting and such...un-fun. :-(

Stand strong in the truth that Jesus Christ is your King, and He loves you and is for you!

 

[Christ_empowered]

amen

 

[Christ_empowered]

ugh. I'm trying to reflect on how much I have to be grateful for, rather than get stuck in the put downs and past, blah blah blah. today was rough, because i woke up coughing...and people were insulting me (no, really), probably because im a "trouble maker" (psych stuff) who also -had- a criminal record that was tossed (long story), so...yeah, society's reject is one old nickname from people 'round here, and...and...

-shrug- 'washed and made clean' trying to focus more on that, not always easy. people want to rip me to shreds, again, and its kinda like....


-sigh- spiritual warfare, this happens when "he needs to know his place in society!," blah blah blah...


I do have a whole lot to be thankful for, I really do. God is Good. My parents are, too. Today, I was pre-paying for gas, and I walked in on the tail end of some lady I didn't know talking to the clerk about my "laser peel." truth? I was sickly, then sick, then patched up from being very sick, then I got saved, and...rambling...

part of God's work in my life has been to make me healthy, even though...yeah, despite overwhelming odds, basically. i was another example of how cruel society can be to poor people, sick people, on and on....

and now I'm -normal- , and I'm even in a decent, modest place. oh, and people apparently talk about me getting some sort of wrinkles-be-gone peel, because i was so sickly i aged quickly, now i look normal, and i also used to be a flamer, so...blah blah blah, its lame, its petty cruelty, and honestly....

it 'how the world works,' especially since im -not- a member of this community. :-( ugh.

 

[Tessa]

Lean on Jesus CE
Hre will give you rest. That's what I do when the world gets too much

 

[daninthelionsden]

As we are in Christ, we are just passing through anyway. We are the tourists and they are the locals. Our spiritual culture is foreign to them.
On the bad side, I saw a vet on the local news in Houston get his car vandalized. He was on disability. He called the cops.......last I heard he had a cop 'befriend" him. I don't think the vandalism was random nor spontaneous. I don't think the cop friended him , but was assigned him. The vet made a vague threat toward whoever damaged his car. Bad move. Never abandon victim's status by responding to attempts to evoke reactions.

 

[Christ_empowered]

disability is a mixed bag. the only reason I get it, at all, is because of my parents. the only reason my life is bearable, on disability, is because of my parents, too. and the reason my parents are willing to do this for me? Jesus.

poor people are routinely oppressed, wherever you go. that's a given. its worse in some places than others. i live in ruby red state, southern usa. not a good place to be poor. and when one is poor -and- 'doesn't know his place in society!" ? yeah, good luck with that, lol.

of course...the deeper problem I think people have with me is that I was "just another...." till I got saved, and by then I was really not supposed to be alive. true story. now, 8 years into truly knowing The Lord...

I dunno, honestly. I don't think there is such a thing as "severe mental illness," because if there was, they'd do brain scans to diagnose it, not brain scans and go "yup, you should be a vegetable" like happened to me.

and yet...I cannot work, you know? I'm 36, first off. I've kind of gotten too old, already, to start in a meaningful job. And if I did, somehow, get a job...

I'd be "that Schizophrenic gay dude, now he works @ ()," and I doubt I'd last long. right to work laws don't help the matter, but it'd be rough even with more worker protections.

I dunno. I've literally overheard people at the condo talking, loudly enough for me to hear in my condo (so it was deliberate, obviously), saying "he -cannot- live here" and/or "they're supposed to be fired from ()" and/or "he has a felony," on and on and on...

meanwhile, the "Schizophrenic" seems to have a better grasp on ole reality than a lot of these people, at least...with regards to all this mess. parents both got big promotions over 10 years ago. both are retired, dad's still going part time because he's got a somewhat unique job, and they could use his expertise for a while, yet. oh, and...no felony, family owns this place, and...and...

blah. i doubt things would be better, anywhere else. sorry to take over cfnet with the -same stuff- , its just...frustrating, you know? everyone wants something...the private hospitals, private shrinks, private counselors wanted money, then they wanted me in prison, they apparently wanted my parents terminated, and...and...

-ugh- not just the mental health industry working against me, here. l really was 'the dregs,' another human being destroyed by: sin, satan, self, and the world. The Lord has brought me out of darkness!

im kinda hoping to find a way out of having to -hear- this jibber jabber. mama's already mentioned putting in some hi-tech sound proofing stuff...apparently, with the new materials, you can block a lot of sound without losing a lot of space to the sound proofing material, good times...

ok, rambling. please keep my parents and me up in prayer, y'all. at a larger level, please remember: 'as ye do unto the least of these, so you do unto -Me-' (emphasis mine, of course). let's be truly kind to the poor, downtrodden, messed up, lost...and...yeah. please. thanks.