[__ Prayer __] Not super paranoid but…

[Christ_empowered]

Ok

I have schizophrenia. Or schizoaffective. The difference is…? Exactly

People want me to move out of my place. My parents own it and it’s nice …modest but nice 2 bedroom 2 bath number with a great view.

They bought it 6 years ago. Just a side note : God seems to bless us despite our flaws. I could have ended up in a group home or far less comfortable housing even homeless. He moved on my long suffering parents hearts and they bought this place no mortgage. Prices went up everywhere not long after that and…this complex has lots of units and most of them don’t have views this awesome. Undeserved mercy…

So the various move out aggressive behaviors wax and wane. Once when I’d first moved in and didn’t have my security system someone was banging on the door and screaming about me ruining his career and…yeah. Extra weird because this is a quiet low crime area not known for…that…

But now it’s more like taunting at 3 in the morning and banging on the window when I’m napping or sleeping at night. Taunting me as I walk to my vehicle…he has a felony he needs to move he has a conservator he should be in the state hospital…

Oh and now my hiv positive status is back in play. I tested positive 20 years at a private corporate owned hospital. No treatment no referral. They wanted me homeless. I’m actually healthy now and I get actual medical care not just psychiatric treatment and my labs are all normal and…

God is Good

I’m just…frustrated. My dad has stuff set up at a smaller bank that has some offices here in my city . He set up a meeting with me and the bank person who handles it and…

It went well. Side note : I still sometimes feel like a subterranean person coming into the world lol especially in meetings like that.

So I got to see the safety deposit box etc and…I saw a man who appeared to be rather interested in what my dad and I were doing.

This isn’t a mega drama . My parents had me when they had very little money. I had a rough adolescence really rough adult life too. I’m an only child and they got big promotions retired…somewhere in the upper middle class or maybe well to do range…

And they saw fit to bless me with a modest but nice little life. I’m diagnosed with some severe mental illness so I just kinda…live each day as best I can and I’m thankful for Jesus Christ and my parents etc.


I went to probate court a while back to see if they had any court orders for me. That’s when a judge signs an order saying get mental health treatment or…I dunno they do something if you don’t lol . And…

Probate lady took my driver’s license did a search and came back all surly and borderline rude…

Nothing! Yay

But people are crazy and I was basically a victim of the mental health industry before I got genuinely saved 12 years ago. It was…counselors and psychiatrists and 2 miserable hospital stays and severe brain damage and addictions to prescription meds and ridiculous diagnosis and…

I wasn’t sinless or blameless more clueless helpless and destroyed by age 19. Eek

I’m 40 now. I think about how many people are in poverty even institutions because of the same things I did way back in the day and things that were done to me by the experts etc and…

Ugh God is Love. God is merciful. Is it that hard to just help people?!?

But today is actually a good day with good weather my way and my patio is beautiful and recently cleaned new little rug….

Rambling. I’m catching junk around me and I think a lot of it is because I’m living here and I’m not in bondage never ending oppression etc.

Input is always welcome thank you for your prayers and support.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Just…to add…

No felonies. I do have a single conviction on my record. Class a misdemeanor. In my state that can mean up to 3 years in jail. I did probation. I’ve been off probation for over 7 years now and…

I dunno it’s frustrating because the plea deal…the charge did start as a felony….

Was and is a blessing. I haven’t been arrested in over 12 years now and no drugs no booze no fun pills just…

Living a quiet normal blessed life as best I can.

I’m more frustrated than anything else because it’s unnerving and because I don’t have any local friends and because even local cops pick at me occasionally and that’s ridiculous….

Thanks

 

[Christ_empowered]

Ugh

It just…never ends. I keep to myself. People seem to think I should be in prison in the state hospital or in a group home…

And they’re being vocal about it. I’ve lived here for 6 years. 6 years.

This is minor compared to what could be happening. I’m trying to remind myself…

I could be one of the homeless people I see around here everyday. I wouldn’t last long. I could be in a group home. I wouldn’t last too long.

I think the conservator etc talk is deliberately unnerving. Most parents would have gotten rid of their offspring. Mine have chosen extreme forgiveness.

To top it off I really shouldn’t be alive. I don’t think God’s mercy indicates anything other than His good pleasure and maybe He has some kind of plan for my life. Then again….

What is the meaning of life? To know God to love God to cherish and obey Him, now and for eternity.

Praise God for His mercy.

 

[follower]

His good pleasure and maybe He has some kind of plan for my life. Then again….

What is the meaning of life? To know God to love God to cherish and obey Him, now and for eternity.

It is difficult to see anyone (publicly) living a true life of righteousness at all.
Finding God's Plan is very difficult because so few do, and almost everyone opposes Jesus.