[ Testimony ] Now (part II)

[LanternsLight456]

This is chapter two of my life, now. I'll share my early testamony later but I think I need to start here first.

I'm 27. I'm married and celebrating our seventh anniversary Tuesday. We have two kids. My daughter just turned 6 and is a bright kindergartner we home school. She can read a good amount and can add and subtract. She suffered a stroke while my wife was pregnant with her and has mild cerebral palsy. My son is going to be five in June and will be starting home school kindergarten in August. We believe he may have bipolar disorder but have been told it's too early to tell.

My wife is a wonderful massage therapist but is an insomniac and probably manic depressive, though we can't get her to go to the doctor.

I'm an Industrial mechanic. I spent six years in the Air Force and got out as a Staff Sgt. I've been out three years now. I'm wanting to go back to school to be a computer engineer but with my schedual its thus far prooved to me difficult.

I've been a Christian for 10 years now and have never struggled with doubts until now. Its not that I doubt that Christ is my Savior and that the Bible is 100% true. It's being 4 months behind on my mortgage with no hope in sight. Its the lawn mower and the washing machine breaking. Its hearing that my wife hasn't slept in 4-5 nights again. Its endless medical bills and brakes on the car failing and ruining the rotor. Its bill collectors and tax collectors and recessions. Its my brother and his wife losing their home and moving back in with my parents...

Its five plus years of heart break after heart break.

Its not faith I lack, faith is all that gets me through the day. I guess its a loss of hope for the future. Its waking up knowing that I'm not going to get the hours I need at work.

I'm wrung out from over five years of living in survival mode. And I feel so worthless for feeling this way because I can't help it, even though I KNOW how blessed I've been in life...

I hope someone reads this and understands.

I love my Lord and my GOD. but I'm tired... I need a break and there isn't one in sight or imagination.

Jonathan

 

[AKJVReader]

Thanks for sharing, i have some Bible Verses to help:

Romans 5:

1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

1 Peter 1:

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

19 But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:
20 Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you,
21 Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.

Romans 15:
13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

 

[LanternsLight456]

Thank you for those thoughts and verses. Last night I couldn't sleep and what finally helped ease my troubled mind and spirit was remembering your post, particularly Romans 5.

GOD be praised.

 

[AKJVReader]

That's alright, it will be great if i come across any of your posts,

Blessings,

AK